Forever Intertwined
by freiheit89
Summary: It's been three long years since Irene and Bill last saw each other. Bill has never forgotten his younger love, and she has never forgotten him. But Irene has been much happier than Bill has these past years, making a name for herself in the music industry. Their story this time will be one of hurt, comfort, joy, sadness. Can their relationship past the hard tests of life? Tokio
1. Reunited

A/N: And now, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…. *drumroll*The third installment of the "Bill Kaulitz' Girl" series. It started out as a child's stupid crush (Bill Kaulitz' Little Girl), grew to a rough relationship (Bill Kaulitz' Grownup Girl), and now we have this; A story about how two people in love find each other after three long, lonely years of being apart. What kind of hardships are Irene and Bill going to go through in this book, you ask? Well, I guess you'll have to read and find out! Enjoy! ;)

Also, I'm going to be painfully realistic in this story, so there's probably going to be quite a bit of swearing throughout its chapters.

BTW, I have the story as rated T, but chapters might start leaning towards rated M sometimes. They won't get too descriptive, but enough to get me in trouble. Don't worry; I'll warn you when they do. Like this one: the first part is slightly rated M and may contain some content that you might find gross. Viewer discretion is advised. :P

_**~Rina**_

_**(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)()~(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)()~(~)(~)**_

Book Three, Chapter One- "Reunited."

Month: July of 2012

Bill's POV

If someone were to walk past the door to room 367 right now, they'd know exactly what was going behind the _'Do not disturb' _sign. They would know because I seemed to have picked up the loudest girl in the history of ever tonight.

The girl's moans filled the room as her body bounced feverishly on top of mine. She flipped her blonde hair out of her face and stared right into my eyes, obviously trying to make me see something more than a sex toy in her.

Yeah, right.

They were all the same. Every girl I picked up would try to get me to call them afterwards. They'd write their number down and attempt to give it to me. If I refused, I'd often find the slip of paper hidden in my shoe or jacket pocket when I got home. The paper always went to the trash with a laugh. They didn't get that after one night, I never wanted to see them again, even if I continuously told them so throughout the night. I didn't want a relationship.

At least not with them.

The thought made me sigh and the girl above me gave me a curious look, but made no attempt to stop her movements. I'd finished already, but this girl just kept going at it. Was she just going to stay up there all night? Why had I even chosen her in the first place, anyway? She wasn't particularly attractive. The girl gasped and I looked up at her.

Oh, right, that's why. The girl's eyes were a deep shade of brown, nearly black, and blended in almost seamlessly with her pupils, making her eyes seem all one color.

Just like Irene's.

I shook the thought out of my head and gripped the girl by the waist, flipping over so she was under me. The girl smirked and wrapped her arms around my neck as I slipped in and out of her at a rapid pace, just wanting to get this over with now. Finally, the blonde screamed in relief as she hit her climax.

Almost immediately, I pulled out and rolled away to sit at the edge of the bed and disposed the condom with disgust. I hated those things; the idea of being covered in my own fluids completely grossed me out and if I had my way, I wouldn't wear them. But I didn't know these girls and I wasn't risking becoming a father or getting an STD.

As I went to get up, the girl appeared at my shoulder and purred delicately into my ear.

"That was great."

She ran her finger down my arm and I looked over my shoulder at her. She had a doe-eyed look on her face, silently begging me to stay. What was her name, anyway? Ali, Abi, Ashley? Hell, it could've been Clementine for all I knew- or cared. It's not like I'd need to remember her name anytime soon.

In response to her silent look, I got up off the bed and searched the dimly lit room for my clothes, pulling them on as I found them.

"The room is paid for," I said as I tugged my plain black t-shirt over my head, "So you can stay here, if you want to."

She bit her lip seductively, but I turned my back on her so I could finish buckling my belt. I heard her huff in annoyance then the TV turned on. The channels flipped randomly until the girl settled on Ellen DeGeneres. I gritted my teeth as the buckle slipped from my grasp again; I wanted out of here!

"So, Midnight Sun, huh?" Ellen was saying on the TV, "What made you guys choose that name?"

"Because we all have dark sides, Ellen, no matter how sunshine-y someone may seem."

The buckle fell from my hands again but this time, I made no grab at it. Instead, I swivelled my head towards the TV.

I knew that voice. It was the one that haunted my dreams, as well as my nightmares. It was the one I've searched every corner of the world for, longing to hear it again, even just for a second. I sunk onto the corner of the bed and stared at the screen, jaw slightly agape

It was Irene. She had changed a bit over the years, but it was unmistakably her. Instead of the no-makeup look, she now sported heavy black eyeliner and a lighter covering of black shadow. Her hair was slightly darker, as well; though it seemed to be more a natural darkening than dye. She was smaller, too- nearly twig like. It kind of made me angry, because there had been nothing wrong with her body in the first place.

Irene smiled at Ellen and I couldn't help but notice that that was one thing that hadn't changed about her. She still had that shy smile that she used when someone she didn't know was talking to her, like she couldn't believe that they were giving their attention to her, of all people.

"Well is there a deeper meaning other than 'we all have dark sides?'" Ellen asked, obviously trying to make Irene open up more. Whenever someone pointed a camera at Irene, she'd give short answers to any question asked to her. At least she wasn't stuttering.

"Well I guess it's like…" Irene paused and bit her lip in thought, "Every person has two personalities. There's the one they show to the general public, and then there's the one that only their closest friends and family know about. That would be their dark side. That's why my band and I decided on Midnight Sun for a name, because it's like saying even the happiest (sunniest) of people have a dark side, a form they only show when the sun has gone down." Irene laughed nervously. "Does that make any sense?"

Ellen nodded slowly, "Like before I came out to the public, my wife was my dark side?"

Irene grinned sheepishly. "I guess. Though, I wouldn't count that as a dark side. More of a sadly-had-to-be-hidden side, even though it shouldn't have been."

The smile that crossed Ellen's face was easily read: She'd liked that comment. Irene had the ability to be able to find the right words in all conversations. All she had to do was use those words in just the right way, and she'd instantly make a friend.

"So what's _your _dark side, Irene?" Ellen asked.

"Are you alright?" A voice at my shoulder asked, making me jump.

The blonde girl was kneeling next to me, a concerned look on her face.

"Fine," I said as I stood up and attempted at my belt again. Luckily, it fastened this time. I grabbed my sweater from the back of the chair and made for the door.

"Will you call me?" The blonde, unsurprisingly, asked.

"Doubt it." I answered honestly as the door swung shut between us.

Making my way through the quiet hallways of the hotel, I dialed my twin's number.

"Done with your nightly fuck already, little bro?" Tom asked when he answered.

"Oh shut up." I snapped, "Maybe you should start doing it again, lose some of that bitchiness you've had lately."

"Nuh uh," Tom said, and I could just imagine him shaking his head furiously, "Not after that last scare."

I smirked as I remembered the stupidity of my brother about six months ago. He'd decided to go out for a quick tumble in the sheets with some random chick one night and use a condom that had been sitting in his wallet for much longer than it should've been. Needless to say, it broke on him and he'd been scared shitless that he'd gotten the girl pregnant. That hadn't happened, thank god, but after that he stopped whoring around.

"Look, I want you to check something." I told my brother as I stepped out into the cool night air. "Go online and search for Ellen DeGeneres, Midnight Sun."

"Why?" Tom asked curiously.

"Just do it."

As I started to hear clacking of a keyboard, I placed a cigarette between my lips and lit it. I took a long drag and blew the smoke out as I made my way down the street, waiting for Tom to finish searching for the video.

"Whoa," Tom finally said into my ear, "Is that Irene?!"

"Yes. Ellen asks her a question probably about a quarter through the video. She asks what Irene's dark side is. What's her answer?"

"You want to know Irene's dark side?" Tom asked, sounding amused."

"Yes." I was getting impatient. I walked down poorly lit back streets, making my journey longer to give Tom a chance to find what I was looking for.

"Whoa," Tom said again. I'm about to ask what, when Tom says "Listen."

I hear the rustling that indicated Tom moving the phone around, then a click. The audio that plays in my ear is slightly distorted and far-away sounded, but still decipherable.

"So what's _your _dark side, Irene?"

"Umm, I have a couple different dark sides, actually. One of them is that I can't let go of the past. If someone does something that causes me to lose their trust, it's nearly impossible for me to trust them again. Another is that…" Irene pauses, but it's hard to know what she's thinking because I can't see her, "I have demons that I can't let go of. I did something I shouldn't have when I was younger. I hurt people I cared for, and then I left them in the middle of the night without a lot of explanation. I felt horrible about it then, and I still do now."

I stopped in my tracks and continued listening.

"So if you could go back and change your decision, would you?" Ellen asked.

Irene's reply shocked me. "No, I wouldn't. I mean, nothing good would have come from me staying any longer. Also, if I had never left, my life wouldn't have turned out the way it did, and I can freely admit that I'm very happy with my life. Yes, those demons still weigh heavily on me at times, but I wouldn't trade the life I have now for anything in the world."

Ellen: "Nothing at all?"

A silent second, then, "Nothing."

Okay, _ouch._ The phone rustled again and Tom spoke.

"That was… quite the answer."

I sighed. "You're telling me."

"It says she lives here in LA now. Who knew?"

"Yeah," I said in a heavy voice, "Who knew."

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

I picked my way gingerly through the throng of sweaty, dancing bodies in the club. My destination was the bar, where I wanted to drown my sorrows.

First, I finally see the one person I'd been missing for three years, but it's on a freaking TV screen. Next, I learn that she wouldn't trade anything in the world for the life she has now. I'm probably included in that, and it pisses me off to think so. And to top it all off, she lives in LA! Yeah, it's a big place, but how the hell did I not run into her at least once?!

Yeah, I definitely needed a drink.

I sat on one of the barstools and the bartender came over, asking me what I wanted.

"Something that'll make me forget _everything._" I told him.

The burly man smirked, "Rough day, huh?"

"That's putting it bluntly." I admitted.

The bartender finished mixing the drink and handed it to me in a large glass. I took a tentative sip. The drink had a bitter-sweet taste to it, like candy would probably taste if it was covered in salt. I took another, bigger, sip and felt the alcohol burn down my throat. It was a strong drink; I could already feel it start to work.

"You're just in time," The bartender said, trying at a light conversation, "We've got this great band playing here tonight. They're just about to start their last song." He nodded towards the front of the stage and I followed his gaze, only to not look rude.

But I'm glad I did.

Irene was here, up on the stage, adjusting the microphone stand to her height. She was looking at the crowd somewhat nervously, scanning each face carefully. Then her gaze landed on me.

And stayed there.

The music coming from the speakers seemed to fade. My heart started to beat wildly in my chest and if felt like no-one else was in the building anymore, apart from me and her. We stayed like that for what seemed like hours, just staring at each other. I felt like I just wanted to drop my drink right there and just go to her, embrace her and not let her go ever again.

And then she broke the spell. She turned away from me and whispered to a blonde girl at her side, glancing disdainfully at me. The blonde followed her eyes and spotted me, her smile quickly turning into a glare.

I realized with a shudder that the blonde was Amanda, the girl that save Irene's life nine years ago and was the ultimate reason Irene left Germany, as well. She was without a doubt my least favorite person in the world.

Amanda whispered something back and pointed to the microphone sternly. The music actually did fade away this time, and Irene addressed the crowd.

"Hey guys. So, this will be our last song for the night. We hope you enjoyed our music as much as we enjoyed playing it for you."

Irene's hands shifted positions on the mic stand. Her left hand gripped the middle of it while her right held the mic itself. Amanda picked up a bass from its holder and two other girls I'd never seen before took place at their instruments. As they started to play, Irene licked her lips and took a breath.

And started to sing.

"_Once upon a time a few mistakes ago_

_I was in your sights, you got me alone_

_You found me, you found me, you found me_

_I guess you didn't care, and I guess I liked that_

_And when I fell hard you took a step back_

_Without me, without me, without me"_

Whoa, where the hell did that come from? Her voice was… indescribable- other than saying that it was perfect. She hit each note of the Taylor Swift song effortlessly and swung her hips gently to the beat played by her band. I was definitely shocked. Three years ago, she wasn't the best singer- her voice cracked at notes too high or too low. But now… Wow.

"_And he's long gone when he's next to me_

And I realize the blame is on me"

Irene's gaze settled on me again as she belted out the lyrics.

"_'Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in_

_So shame on me now_

_Flew me to places I'd never been_

_'Til you put me down, oh_

_I knew you were trouble when you walked in_

_So shame on me now_

_Flew me to places I'd never been_

_Now I'm lying on the cold hard ground."_

It wasn't hard to guess what she was thinking as she sang those words. It felt almost like I was the bad guy here. Though, I guess I sort of was. Yes, I had lied to her about Samantha, but it wasn't like I had cheated. Hell, I had dumped Samantha before Irene and I had even started going out. But still… I was the one who had continuously kept secrets that hadn't needed to be kept just because I thought I had been keeping Irene safe by doing so. Like the Evan thing; If I had just told Irene what I'd been planning on doing, she would've talked me out of it and I wouldn't have gotten shot.

At the thought of the bullet wound, my stomach started to itch. I downed the rest of my drink and paid the barkeep. I left the building, going around the back to where I knew Irene would come out when she was done. As I waited, I lifted my shirt slightly to examine my scar.

The spider webbed scar was right above my navel. The doctors had said that way the bullet had entered should've left just a hole, but apparently my skin had broken into tiny cuts that branched out from the entrance site. Why that had happened was unexplainable, apparently. I hated the scar, and not just because it was horribly unattractive and raised way too many questions for me to be comfortable. I hated it because it was one of the things Irene had blamed herself for, one of the reasons she left. The scar was a constant reminder of what I had lost.

I left my shirt fall back down as the building's back door opened and out strolled Amanda, of all people. She spotted me and that permanently-evil-looking smirk crossed her face.

"I thought you might wait back here." She said, stepping towards me. I took a step back, not wanting her anywhere near me after our first, and last, encounter three years ago.

"I just want to talk to Irene." I said.

Amanda glared. "Too bad. She's happy now, and I'm not going to let you ruin it."

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Who are you to make Irene's decisions for her?"

"The one who knows what she needs. And you, Bill, are NOT what she needs."

Before I could retaliate, the backdoor opened again and Irene poked her head out. Upon seeing me, her face paled and she bit her lip much harder than necessary.

"Go back inside and help the others pack things away, Amanda." Irene said quietly.

Amanda shook her head. "But—"

"_Now."_ Irene hissed through her teeth.

Reluctantly, Amanda went back inside- but not before shooting me a look that could kill if was a knife. I waved at her innocently and she flipped me off as the door shut behind her.

All was silent between me and Irene. I didn't know if she had something to say first or not, so I stayed quiet. After a few minutes, Irene finally spoke.

"What do you want?"

The absurdity of the question made me roll my eyes. "Oh, I don't know." I said sarcastically, suddenly angry, "My girlfriend leaves in the middle of the night without so much as an explanation, avoids my calls and any other attempts I make at contacting her. What the hell else could I want?"

"I left a note." She muttered.

"Yes, because the note explained SO much. Thanks for that."

Irene glowered at me. "No need to get bitchy, Bill. I left because I was tired of everyone getting hurt because of me. I definitely explained that in the note."

"But you weren't hurting anyone!" I said, my voice raising several octaves, "I told you that, but yet you still left. Do you know what I did the day I found you gone?" Without waiting for an answer, I continued, "I _cried._ I lay in your bed and cried, all fucking day long. I stopped while Tom, Georg, and Gustav were out looking for you, but when they came back and said that they didn't find you, I cried some more. I looked fucking pathetic. And I wasn't the only one who was sad. Tom and Georg got really quiet for weeks after you left, Gustav got louder, strangely enough, and-"

Irene interrupted me, "Why are you telling me this?" She wrung her hands together nervously.

"To show you that you left for all the wrong reasons!" Without thinking, I pushed Irene up against the brick wall behind us. She yelped in surprise, but I kept talking, "We were hurting more when you left than we were while you were there. God, for three years, I haven't stopped thinking about you. I have trouble sleeping- I'm too scared to close my eyes because I know you'll be there. My heart breaks every time I wake up and remember that you're not around. "

"I—" Irene stuttered, obviously searching for the right words. Instead of speaking, however, she merely clamped her mouth shut and sniffled.

I pressed closer to her, our bodies separated by barely an inch. She balled my shirt up in her shaking fists and laid her head against my chest. Carefully, as if I could scare her away, I stroked her hair. For one second, I let myself hope that she was going to forgive me and we could have a somewhat normal relationship again.

But then she roughly pushed me away and frowned.

"You smell like perfume!" Irene said accusingly.

Shit. I'd forgotten about my little adventure from earlier that night. I tried to defend myself, but Irene spoke first.

"Please tell me you don't have a girlfriend."

"No, I don't, I swear. It's…" I trailed off. No matter how I worded it, I was going to make myself look bad.

Irene blinked at me, waiting for an answer. When I didn't give one, I saw her eyes go vacant. She was running through various possibilities in her head. It took her a second, but I could tell when she'd found one; her eyes went from vacant to shocked.

"What was her name?" Irene asked softly.

"I don't remember," I said honestly, my voice just as low.

"Oh for…" Irene turned away and sighed, "I _so _can't do this. So you're out fucking some chick you can't even remember the name of, then you decide to try and pull me back into your life. Truthfully, I don't think you thought this out too well!

"But if you come back to me, I wouldn't' do it anymore!"

"How do I know you won't?!" She looked close to tears and it made my heart break into a thousand pieces.

"Because you're the reason I'm like this. After you left, I fell into a depression. I tried everything to make it go away: pills, therapy, fucking hypnotization. Nothing worked; until I went out and picked up a girl. It helped me… cope. Helped me forget. It made things easier."

Before Irene could speak, the back door opened and out came Amanda, followed by the other two girls I'd seen on stage and a guy who looked around my age. The guy shared a glance with Irene and she nodded at him as if he'd spoken.

"I have to go," Irene said to me, turning away. I tried to stop her by reaching for her wrist but one murderous look from Amanda had me stopping in my tracks. They all piled in a red minivan and it pulled out must faster than it should've.

I stood there, completely frozen, knowing I'd just dug my own grave.


	2. Lost

_**A/N: I wasn't going to do specific dates in this book, but I find that it makes it easier for me if I keep track of the dates in each chapter so I don't get details wrong in future chapters. Also, if you're reading this, it means you got through that first crappy chapter. Thanks! :P**_

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter two- ""

Date: July 10th, 2012, two days after Bill and Irene's re-meet

Irene's POV

*BANGBANGBANGBANG*

Whoever was at my door this time was very persistent. That means it must be Amanda. Lucy would just knock once, Amy's knock would be gentle, and James wouldn't knock at all- he'd just stand at the door and try to convince me to come out, like he's been doing for the past two days.

"If you don't open this goddamn door, I'm going to break it down."

Yep, it was Amanda. And I knew she wasn't bluffing, so I dragged myself out of the bed and opened the door. She stood there, hands on her hips, and looking severely pissed off.

"You're not dressed yet?" She asked in disbelief.

"I haven't been dressed for the past two days," I retorted, crawling back under my purple velvet blanket and black comforter. I pulled the covers over my head but they were immediately yanked back off of me. I made a sound like a dying cat and glared at my bassist.

"Get. Up. NOW!" Amanda said sternly. "We're going out today."

"No."

Amanda sighed and sat at the end of my bed. "Listen, you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Bill's a moron (for lack of a better word) and you don't need him. There are better guys out there for you. Why don't you give James a chance? He'd be so happy it if you did..."

I was my turn to sigh, "For the last time, I don't like James in that way. He's one of my best friends, but that's it. And I don't want to go anywhere today, so please go away."

I wrenched the blankets from Amanda's grasp and pulled them back over my head. Amanda exhaled forcefully and I felt the bed move as she got up.

"Just remember that we have a charity concert tonight at the park. You're still going to perform, right?"

Even if Amanda's voice hadn't sounded so sad and hopeful in that sentence, I still would've said yes. The charity we were donating the money to the orphans and I knew, somewhat, from my adventures in Germany what is was like to be without a loving parent. You feel lost, afraid, unloved. You trust no-one, that's for sure. I still didn't trust people in my life that I really should've trusted- like Bill, for instance. Before the whole thing with Samantha happened, I knew that it was wrong to not trust him, but I just couldn't help it. It was like, my nature or something not to trust people until they have really earned it.

At that thought, I sighed and curled into the fetal position on my bed.

And cried.

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Amanda's POV, Early evening.

"Here, Billa Billa," I muttered to myself as I hopped through every major bar I could think of in downtown LA.

I figured that after being rejected by Irene, Bill was sure to go straight back to picking up girls again. Therefore, he'd be in a bar somewhere, looking for an easy fuck- probably a blonde. As I thought that, I touched my own blonde hair uncertainly. I would always get stereotyped by my hair. Guys see me in a club or on the streets and immediately think that I'm going to go home with them, just because they think I'm a blonde bimbo. I was always one step ahead though. I'd blink at them, as if confused, and then ramble off a Shakespeare quote I learned from Amy, the band's drummer. It scared the hell out of some guys, and it was funny. Too bad Bill—

Oh! Speak of the devil; he was only ten feet away from me, a mass of dancing bodies and a slightly soundproof glass between us. From what I could see, he was a little drunk. He was talking, scratch that, heavily flirting with someone who was out of my line of sight- but not for long. I weaved my way through the sweaty people with my nose wrinkled, and through a swinging door. When I got to the other side, I saw just as I predicted: Bill was flirting with a blonde girl. She had some kind of Snooki-like poof going on and the largest breasts I'd ever seen; though they were obviously fake. I mean, there is no way real boobs could stay that- upright—in a tube top with no bra.

"BILLA!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, effectively getting his attention. He turned towards me and went bright red as he realized who I was. I put on the most innocent smile I could and marched over to him, plopping myself down in his lap.

The blonde stood up quickly, giving me a hateful glare.

"Umm, who are you?" She asked. Her voice was high-pitched and whiney. Obviously the voice of a girl who always got what she wanted.

"I'm Amanda. I figured that was, you know, obvious." I said as I gestured to my shirt. It was a plain black tank top with my name bedazzled across the chest in little gems. James had gotten it for me, saying it was a clothing brand somewhere in the world. I just liked it because it had my name on it.

"Get off of me." Bill snarled, pushing me away. I fell to the floor and flashed a huge grin at him.

"Why, Billa?" I cooed, getting up, "I thought you liked it when I sat on your lap."

"I thought you said you were single." The blonde said to Bill with a slight pout.

"I am. Ignore her." He took the blonde by the wrist and started to pull her away, but I caught the girl's other hand stopped him.

"Listen, chica, he lied to you. He's not single. In fact, there's a girl crying over him _right now_." Bill froze at my words and I continued. "She loves him so much, and he loves her. To him, you're just someone to help him forget his problems with. If you slept with him, you'd just be helping break this girl's heart."

Blondie bit her lip and looked at Bill. "Is that true? Would a girl's heart break if I slept with you?"

Bill opened his mouth, shut it, and then opened it again. Finally, he stuttered out an, "I don't know."

The girl wrenched her hand away from Bill's and crossed her arms over her massive chest. "Then I'm not sleeping with you. I may like sex, but I'm not a home wrecker."

At those words, I felt a little bit of respect towards the girl. I thought I'd have to fight with her to get her away from Bill, but if she didn't want to be a home wrecker, kudos to her. I gave Bill a smug look and he rolled his eyes. The girl looked back and forth between us, then shook her head and walked away. She slid up to a guy a little ways down the bar and leaned against him. I snorted and turned back towards Bill. He was giving me a hard look and I smirked, starting to back out of the club and gesturing for him to follow. He obeyed and when we were a little ways down the road, he asked what the hell I was thinking.

"I'm thinking that I'm tired of hearing Irene blat and cry, so you're going to come to our show tonight and make up with her."

"What if I don't want to?" Bill asked stubbornly, crossing his arms.

I bit the inside of my cheek angrily and stepped forward until Bill and I were face to face, "Listen Kaulitz, I don't really like you for what you did to Irene three years ago, but right now, you seem to be the only thing that will get her back into the real world. For that reason, I want you to try to make up with her again. Just, you know, without the perfume smell."

"I don't know." Bill whispered, stepping away from me.

"I do." I told him, "All she wants is you to say sorry, and mean it."

"I meant it the first time," he snapped, "but I guess I shouldn't have done that smelling like a girl.."

"Obviously. I think you should—"

Before I could finish, my phone started blasting a Spanish rapper whose name I couldn't remember. It was the ringtone that James had set for himself. I turned away from Bill, slipped the phone out of my pocket and answered it with an irritated hello.

"Please tell me Irene is with you." James said, sounding out of breath.

"No. Why would she be with me?"

"Umm, because she's fucking gone?! And—" I heard the clinking of glass bottles, "God, I'm missing liquor."

My body went cold. When Irene drank too much, she got angry. Not at the people around her, no- she got angry at herself. She'd start incoherently babbling about everything being her fault, then she'd get depressed and…. I swallowed, not wanting to think about it.

"How much?" I asked hesitantly.

"I don't know." James barked, "It's not like I count them, I can just see that there's less than usual. If I had to guess, though, I'd say maybe three bottles of Sourpuss."

"Anything else?" I asked.

"Her guitar."

"Dammit. I'll look for her. Are you going to go look?"

"After I call the park people." James paused. "You think it was the cancelation of the show that made her do this?"

"Maybe. Call me if you find her."

James agreed and told me to do the same, then hung up. I put my phone back in my pocket and sighed. This was a bad situation. I turned back towards Bill, who looked confused.

"So Irene ran off with three bottles of liquor." I said casually, as if I wasn't freaking out inside. Bill's eyebrows shot up.

"So you… don't know where she is?"

"Of course not, you moron! I need to go find her, and I want you to help."

Bill shook his head quickly. "There's no point in me helping. If I were to find her, what would I do? She wouldn't follow me anywhere right now if her life depended on it."

"It might depend on it." I said inaudibly. "She gets… umm… Well, you know that saying where it says that a drunk person's actions is a sober person's thoughts?"

Bill nodded.

"It's like that for Irene," I said, "When she's sober, she can hide her depressed side. When she's drunk…. She can't control her actions. She could die, Bill."

The face of the man in front of me changed. It went from unworried to alarmed very quickly. I knew he was struggling with the decision to help find the girl he loved. I also could make a good guess at both his arguments: 1. He could prevent her from dying. 2. He could end up being the reason she killed herself if he was the one to find her.

Suddenly Bill opened his mouth, but was cut off by a voice from across the road.

"Hey, look! It's Bill Kaulitz!"

Mine and Bill's heads spun in the direction of the voice. A group of men with camera were coming towards us- paparazzi! Bill swore and started walking briskly away.

"I'll look for her," He whispered as he passed me, then disappeared between two buildings. Half the group went after him, while the other half ambushed me, asking questions like "What were you talking to Bill Kaulitz about?" and "Are you his girlfriend?" At all the questions, I just put on my most dazzling smile and politely told them that I had no comments to make. Then, I rushed off in the opposite direction Bill had gone in and quickly tried to lose the photographers.

Secretly, I hoped Bill was the one to find Irene.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~()~(~)~(~)~(~)!(~)~)~)(~)

A/N: Yeah, I know it's a short chapter, but I have plans involving Irene and Bill that requires it's own chapter, so don't go anywhere!

_**~Rina**_


	3. And Found

Book Three, Chapter three- "And found."

Date: July 10th, 2012

Bill's POV

I stole through the thick undergrowth, keeping my steps light and being careful not to step on anything that might alert the paparazzi to my whereabouts. Only ten minutes ago, I'd veered off the path that wound through the nature park. It was a fairly big patch of forest and it was dangerous to leave the trail, but after twenty minutes of actually following the track, it had become clear that I wasn't going to lose them that way- so I ran off into the trees.

And now I was regretting it. The lower branches clung to my clothes and hair, yanking and pulling on things that shouldn't have been yanked and pulled on. I also had no idea where I was going. I knew that the path was behind me (I could still the photographers tramping around), but I had no idea what was in front of me. For all I knew, this came out onto a busy street where I'd be recognized again and then be questioned on why I had leaves stuck to me.

I froze as I heard a sound from in front of me; I stayed completely quiet and listened.

It was a guitar!

Cautiously, I crept towards the sound, keeping to the parts of the words that didn't shine under the moonlight. When I finally hit a clearing, I found myself near the edge of the cliff that looked out over the city. The view was beautiful! I could see across the whole city from here, its glittering lights lighting up the sky.

And the person at the cliff. I crouched down and craned my neck to the side, peering around the waist high rock blocking the view of the guitar player. I squinted through the darkness and gasped quietly.

The person sitting against the rock was Irene. It must've been irony at its finest for me to find her here. I swallowed the lump in my throat and listened to her sing quietly.

_"Baby you know that, maybe it's time for miracles_

_ 'Cuz I ain't giving up on love_

_ You know that maybe it's time for miracles_

_ 'Cuz I ain't giving up on love_

_ No, I ain't giving up on us."_

She stopped for a second and took a swig out of a bottle at her side. I winced as I remembered that Amanda had said Irene had run off with alcohol. She was too young to be drinking, so matter how upset Amanda said she was. After putting the bottle down, Irene continued playing the guitar and singing.

_"I just want to be with you_

_ 'Cuz living is so hard to do_

_ When all I know is trapped inside your eyes_

_ The future I cannot forget,_

_ This aching heart ain't broken yet_

_ Oh god I wish I could make you see_

_ 'Cuz I know this flame isn't dying_

_ So nothing can stop me from trying.."_

Suddenly, my body lurched forward, my feet giving out from crouching for too long. I put my hands out to catch myself and ended up making too much noise. Irene stopped playing and whirled on me. A bright light flicked on and I put my hand up to shield my face. Temporarily blinded, I couldn't see Irene's reaction, but I did hear her whimper quietly.

"I- I didn't mean to scare you." I stuttered, squinting into the flashlight's beam.

Irene turned the flashlight away, placing it down near the rock. I could finally see again. Irene was sitting back on her haunches, staring at me with an expressionless look. I pursed my lips, waiting for some kind of reaction from her.

Unexpectedly, she started crawling backwards towards the cliff face.

"Stop!" I cried, going slowly towards her with my hands up defensively as if I was trying to calm down a frightened animal.

"Go away." She moaned, still moving backwards.

"Okay," I said quietly, pushing my short blonde hair away from my face, "I'll go away if you get away from the edge."

Irene blinked at me, then twisted her neck to see behind her. She gazed at the cliff with a confused look, as if she hadn't known she was there. At first, I thought she was going to back away from the edge, but then she looked back towards me and her eyes were empty. She continued to slink towards the cliff.

As Irene's hand met empty air, I launched myself at her and wrapped my arms around her waist. Though she struggled, I managed to get her away from the cliff's edge and drag her back to the rock. I immobilized her by putting myself between her and the cliff with the large rock at her back. I slung one arm across her chest and pressed the other one above her head to prevent her from escaping to the side.

"Stop." I said gently as she kept trying to fight me. When she didn't listen, I said it a little more forcefully. She stopped abruptly and glared up at me through her lashes.

"Go away," She repeated lowly, her words slightly slurred.

"No. I'm not going to let you throw yourself off a cliff."

"Why not?" She asked, facing away from me. "It's not like you care, anyway."

I sighed and moved to sit beside her. I moved my arm from her chest to her waist to keep her from fleeing.

"You're wrong," I told her softly, "You're so _very _wrong. I care for you more than I've ever cared about anyone who's not Tom."

"You're lying to me!" She yelled reproachfully.

I shook my head and turned hers to face me. There were tears running down her cheeks, so I wiped them away with the pads of my thumbs. She choked out a sob as she looked at me with a sadness that undeniably surpassed my own.

"I—I-," Irene's speech faltered. She took a deep breath and spoke quickly, "Iloveyou."

A small smile played at my lips. I had tried to say that to her three years ago, but had been interrupted by a photographer and then never found an appropriate time to say it again before she left.

I leaned down and touched my lips to hers. She groaned lightly and pressed closer to me by climbing into my lap and flinging her arms around my neck. In response, I placed my hands her hips and stuck out the tip of my tongue to trace her lower lip. She parted her lips enough to grant me entrance and our tongues danced together in almost perfect harmony. Irene tangled her fingers in my hair and pulled herself tighter against me, making it so there was absolutely no space between us. We kissed each other with three years' worth of pent up anger, frustration, and sorrow. I almost didn't want to stop, but I was running out of air so I reluctantly broke the kiss, putting only a little bit of space between us. Both of us were breathing heavily, our breaths mingling together.

"I love you, too," I whispered as I caressed her cheek.

Irene squeezed her eyes shut as more tears appeared. She buried her face in my shoulder and I let her cry this time, knowing she needed to. I threaded my fingers together at the small of her back and murmured soothing words into her hair. We stayed like that until Irene stopped weeping. After her last sniffle, she pulled away and looked at me. Her eyes seemed clearer and, when she spoke, her words didn't slur together.

"Please don't ever let me make such a stupid mistake again." She said.

I chuckled quietly and smiled at her. "Don't worry, I don't plan on ever letting you out of my sight again, so you won't have a chance to."

Irene smiled and wiped at her eyes with the end of her sweater's sleeve. We sat in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's presence again.

"I think I should go back." Irene said, disentangling herself from me. "Everyone's probably worried sick about me."

She stood up; at least, she attempted to. As soon as she was upright, she stumbled backwards and I shot up, putting my arms out to catch her. She collapsed into my arms and sighed.

"Or maybe not." She snickered.

"I have a better idea." I said, "I think you should come and stay with me tonight."

Irene's eyes widened. "I don't know…"

"Didn't I just say I was never going to let you out of my sight again?"

Irene giggled and leaned against my side. "You're going to have to eventually."

I shook my head. "Not anytime soon."

Irene sighed, but smiled up at me brightly. "If you say so."

Glad she agreed, I packed her guitar up for her and slung it over my shoulders. Then, I took the two empty liquor bottles and chucked them over the cliff. The third bottle was still half full.

"Who bought this?" I asked.

"Not me."

With that answer, I pitched that one over too. Irene watched it go with an almost sad look on her face. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her back through the woods with me. I didn't really know where I was going, but Irene seemed to, so I let her lead the way.

Finally, we hit the trail. We slowly made our way through the dark, Irene clinging to my arm so she didn't fall on her face.

"Promise me you won't drink like that anymore." I said quietly.

"Not even if I'm drinking with you?" Irene replied with a smirk.

I smiled and placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'll think about it."

We found the end of the trail and I peered out into the lighted parking lot. It was quiet, almost like a ghost town.

"My house isn't far away, but I was being chased by paparazzi earlier. Think you can run without falling?"

I pulled Irene away from the woods and adjusted the strap of her guitar case. Irene nodded, though she seemed uncertain of herself. I didn't let her think anymore as I pulled her along with me as we ran the three blocks to the cul-de-sac where my house was. To my shock, Irene kept up until we got to the front gate, where she collapsed against the seven foot high cement wall the surrounded the property. I quickly punched in the code to open the gate and pulled Irene inside. I didn't make Irene run this time, instead choosing to let her hang off my shoulder. We walked up the driveway side-by-side and went into the house. It was silent, surprisingly enough.

"Tom must be out," I murmured to myself and pointed up the stairs to my right. "Go up there, turn right and my room is the first door you come to. Think you can make it?"

Irene eyed the stairs warily, as if they'd bite her, "Maybe. Aren't you coming up?"

"I'll be up in a few minutes. I have to get the laundry so you can have a pair of night pants."

Irene gave me a curious look, but did as she was told and went up the stairs, clutching the bannister for dear life. I laughed quietly at the sight and went straight forward into the kitchen, then into the back corner where the washer and dryer was kept. My clothes would be long on her, but they might also be a bit big. I'd nearly forgotten the fact that she was an almost unhealthy weight now and made a promise to myself that I'd have to feed her enough so she would gain a bit.

I changed into my own pyjamas right in the middle of the kitchen and hurried upstairs to my room, only to find Irene sprawled across the whole bed, snoring lightly. Poking and moving her body around told me that she wasn't being woken up again until morning, so I carefully worked her jeans off of her and slipped the pyjama pants on. She didn't move the entire time and I rolled my eyes as I pushed her onto the side of the bed farthest away from the door and crawled in next to her.

Remarkably, Irene moved then. She wrapped her arms around me and buried her face into my bare chest. I looked down at her, but her eyes were still closed.

"_Must've been a reflex,"_ I thought, though not complaining.

Nevertheless, I hugged her back and fell asleep quickly and fearlessly for the first time in years.

I finally had my baby back.

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_**I didn't know exactly what to put for that last sentence. I was going to put "Little girl" but I figured that sounded too creepy, since they're dating, so I settled on baby instead. Eaither way, I hope you liked it! Review please! **_

_**~Rina**_


	4. Forgiven

Book Three, Chapter four- "Forgiven."

Date: July 11th, 2012

Irene's POV

I awoke to my brain pounding against my skull in a dubstep-like rhythm. Groaning, I cracked open my eyes and then closed them again, wincing at the harsh sunlight coming through the window.

Wait a second…

My room didn't face the sun in the morning.

I shot up, confused. The room I was in was at least twice the size of my own. The walls were color of heavily creamed coffee and anything wooden was made of mahogany. Under me, the bed was soft and comfy with greyish-blue sheets.

And Bill was in the bed with me. He was shirtless and laying on his back with one arm across his stomach and the other over his head.

I nearly panicked until last night came rushing back in one big torrent of pictures. Bill finding me at the cliff, pulling me away before I crawled off it, kissing me…

I touched my lips with my fingertips, remembering the kiss with crystal-clarity. Bill's lips had been soft and tender and familiar. However, it wasn't like any of the kisses we'd shared three years ago. This kiss had been full of excitement and sadness all at once; three years' worth of pent up emotions had exploded into that kiss and it had been amazing.

I wanted it to happen again.

I lay back down beside Bill. By now, my panic was gone but it was replaced by worry. Last night, I'd nearly jumped off a cliff. But it hadn't been… _me_… who had done it. I could feel that. I gritted my teeth and squeezed my eyes shut, willing away the thought. Bill didn't need to know about that just yet.

As I curled my arm around Bill's waist, he stirred slightly. I kept my eyes closed and tried to breathe like I was asleep. Bill moved a bit more under my arm until he woke up. I could tell he'd woken because his body tensed under my arm like he didn't know who was with him, then he relaxed and his hand went into my hair, stroking gently. I pretended the motion woke me up and shifted a little under his hand, glancing up at him through my bangs.

"Morning," Bill said cautiously.

I blinked at him a couple times to look confused and then smiled and returned the greeting. This seemed to please him as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. I kissed back and slid up the bed so we could be more face to face. The kiss deepened and Bill wrapped his hands around my waist, drawing me close to him. I gasped as he started trailing light kisses down my jawbone and onto my throat.

A knock at the door stopped Bill in his tracks. My eyes followed his as they flicked towards the door.

"Bill? Are you awake already?" Tom's voice asked.

Bill untangled himself from me and got out of the bed. I pouted at the loss of contact and watched as Bill walked towards the door. He wore a pair of plain black pyjamas and it made me think for a second. I threw the blankets off my bottom half and just then realized that I wasn't in my jeans. I didn't remember changing out of—

I shot a glare at Bill's back that I held until he'd shooed Tom away. When Bill turned and saw me glaring, his eyes trailed down my legs with a smirk.

"You bastard." I muttered. I can't believe he had changed my pants for me while I was knocked out from the liquor!

"I figured it would be rude of me if I left you to sleep in your jeans." He shrugged casually and dodged the pillow I threw at him. Bill smirked again and I narrowed my eyes at him. He'd gotten cocky while I was gone.

"At least leave so I can put them back on." I said, my gaze searching the room for said jeans. Bill picked them up from the desk across the room and gave them to me, kissing my forehead as he did so.

"Come down to the kitchen when you're done." He said. I nodded and Bill left the room.

As I changed into my jeans, I blushed at the thought that Bill had taken my pants off of me. Even though my band constantly told me that I was morbidly tiny, I still had a muffin top and chunky thighs I wanted to get rid of. I didn't like the thought of Bill seeing that. I sighed and changed. I left the room and went downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs, I did a 180 to see the door to the kitchen and went through it. Bill was standing at a black microwave, now properly covered in a black tee-shirt. Tom was sitting at the island in the middle of the kitchen, staring intently at his phone. Neither twin noticed me, so I cleared my throat awkwardly.

Tom jumped and turned towards me. His jaw dropped in shock and he stumbled off the stool he was sitting in. Bill grinned at his reaction- he'd obviously chosen not to tell his twin about me being here. I smiled at Tom and gave a sheepish wave.

"Hi, Tomi." I said quietly.

"No way!" Tom surged forward and picked me up off the ground with his hug. I giggled and held on tight as he spun me.

"Ughh, Tom! Put me down." It was amusing at first, but now my pounding head wasn't so pleased. Tom obeyed, but kept me at arm's length, eyeing me up and down.

"You got smaller." He commented.

"Yes, I did. Good job." I said dryly.

"But…" Tom picked up one of my arms and inspected, "You're like the size of a stick! I think you need to eat something totally unhealthy."

"Way ahead of you, Tom." Bill said from the island, placing a plate with a greasy looking breakfast sandwich on it on top of the island's counter. Just the sight of it made my stomach clench uncomfortably.

"That looks gross." I said, sitting next to Tom at the island as he picked his phone up again; he was quickly over the shock of seeing me.

"It's just a little greasy, not big deal." Bill said, munching on his own sandwich.

I made a face and pushed it away from me. "I don't think so."

Bill mockingly glared at me and held out his hand. Two little pills sat in his palm. They were a reddish-brown color and had IBU on them: Ibuprofens. I reached for them, but Bill retracted his hand.

"Eat." He ordered, obviously not planning on giving me the pills until I ate the nasty thing in front of me.

I contemplated not eating and suffering through the hangover headache, but a sharp stab to my head told me that it wasn't going to happen, so I pulled the plate back towards me and chowed down, barely holding back my gags whenever some grease rested on my tongue. When I finished the sandwich, I immediately asked for the pills. Bill handed them over and I swallowed them with a glass of milk.

"So where were you last night?" Bill asked his brother when he was satisfied with my eating.

A blush covered Tom's face and it caught even my interest. Bill and I stared intently at Tom, waiting for an answer.

"I just went out for a couple drinks." Tom said, trying for a causal voice. I shared a glance with Bill and knew we both heard the slight tremble in his voice.

"What else happened?" I questioned with a grin, sliding closer to Tom.

"Nothing," The man answered much too quickly.

"Tom," Bill said lowly.

Tom looked between Bill and me, sweating under our interrogating gazes. He kept his mouth shut for a good five minutes before he realized Bill and I wouldn't relent. Tom sighed.

"I met a girl." Tom murmured in an almost inaudible voice, his face turning cherry-red.

Mine and Bill's eyebrows shot up at the same time.

"You met a girl?" Bill asked "Since when is that a big deal?"

"Umm… becauseIreallylikeherandIwan ttokeepheraround." Tom said all at once.

My grin widened. "Tomi's in looovvvveeee, Tomi's in looovvvveeee." I chanted teasingly.

"Oh shut up," If possible, Tom's face went even redder.

"It's nothing to be ashamed about, Tom." I said. "It happens to everyone. Even man-whores like you."

I ducked under a swat at my head and smirked again, "So do you have a picture of her I can see?"

Tom nodded and I took a drink of my milk as he slid through his phone's pictures until he hit one of him and a blonde girl.

Upon seeing it, I quickly put my hand to mouth to stop milk from spewing out. After great difficulty, I swallowed the milk and allowed myself to laugh freely, unable to control myself. I clutched at my stomach as Tom showed the picture of Bill, whose dumbfounded look made me laugh even harder.

"What is the matter with you two?" Tom asked, a confused look on his face.

"She's- She's-" I couldn't stop laughing long enough to get my words out, so Bill spoke for me.

"She's the bassist in Irene's band." Bill muttered, "And an evil bitch."

I stopped laughing gradually and took a deep breath, "Come on Bill, Amanda isn't that bad."

"I don't like her."

"You have a band?" Tom asked stupidly.

"Wow, delayed reaction, much?" I shook my head at Tom "Yes, I have a band. Speaking of which," I glanced at the clock on the stove. It was only 9:00am- nobody would be up at the apartment yet. Good, I didn't want to deal with James and the lecture he'd probably give me. "I need to go back to my place."

Bill frowned, "Do you have to? I—We—" He corrected with a fleeting glance at Tom, "just got you back and—"

"Chill," I said, holding up a hand, "I'll be back, but I can't worry my friends."

"Want me to drive you?" Bill asked.

"I'll do it!" Tom interjected.

"No way. I'll walk. It's not that far away anyway."

Bill quirked an eyebrow. "Really? What a coincidence…"

I rolled my eyes. "You're telling me."

After Tom gave me another bone-crushing hug, Bill walked me to the door and we stood on the doorstep for a minute to talk.

"I'd walk you to the gate, but I have to stay behind to unlock it for you from inside."

"That's okay. I'm just going to walk to the apartment, leave a note and come back.." I paused, "If that's okay with you."

Bill snorted. "Of course it's okay with me." He took my face in his hands and kissed me softly.

When we separated, I asked Bill if he'd tell Tom about us while I was gone. He agreed and I walked off down the driveway. The gate opened just as I got to it and I quickly slipped through it.

Please don't let anyone be awake at the apartment.

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The apartment door swung open with no sound at all. I was just here to write a note to James and the girls, and then I was going back to the twins' house. I slunk through the darkened apartment, sliding my way to the kitchen island where some sticky-notes and pens were kept. I was about to cross the barrier to the kitchen, where carpet becomes tile, when I tripped over something. I put my hands out to catch myself and clamped my mouth shut so I wouldn't yell. But it didn't matter, because I heard a bell go off from the direction of the bedrooms and cursed myself for being so stupid. Of course there'd be a trap. James is the middle child of five, so he'd learned to keep his bedroom safe with traps. He'd done the same now to see if I'd come back.

"Tati?"

I glanced up through my eyelashes. James stood on the other side of the island, peering down at me. I smiled, trying to put on my best hungover face. "Hi, Jamie..."

"Where have you been?" He asked as he made his way around to help me up.

I took his hands and stood, stumbling a little and putting my hand on my head to fake a headache, even though it was gone by now. I took a few deep breaths and sighed, hoping he'd fall for my act. "I woke up at Bill and Tom's house, but I don't quite remember how I got there. I assume I walked, but.." I shrugged for emphasis.

James shook his head in disbelief. "I'm sure Bill found you and took you there."

"Heh, yeah." I mumbled, trying not to let James know he was right.

James eyed me curiously. "Where's your guitar case?"

My eyes widened as I tried to come up with a lie, but decided to tell the truth when I couldn't think of one, "I- must've left it at the twins' place by accident. I should go back for it."

"No, I'll go. You should rest." James went for the door, but I jumped in from of him.

"NO!" I said quickly. It caused James to stare at me questioningly. "Because the yard is too protected with locks and security and stuff. You'd never get in, but I will. I'll go and be back in a bit."

I turned around and tried to leave, but James reached around and slammed the door on me. He'd caught onto me- I was screwed. James' other hand came around and he effectively trapped me between him and the door. I gulped; now I was _really_ screwed.

"Bill forgave you, didn't he?" James asked in a low tone, one he only used when talking about Bill.

But I wasn't falling for another James trap. "How should I know? I can't remember anything about last night." James wanted me to spill something that would tell him I was lying, but I wouldn't. I've lived with him long enough to be careful.

James came closer and nuzzled his face in my hair. "Are you sure you don't remember?"

I swatted at him with the back of my hand. "Positive." James should know better. Trying to make me nervous will just piss me off, not make me spill secrets.

"You dumped a bottle of Sourpuss about three blocks from here; do you remember THAT?" His face was still fairly close to the back of my head and I could feel his breath on my neck.

"You found spilled booze? Come on, Jamie, we're in Los Angeles. That could have been ANYONE in the city, literally."

"I called Bill."

I finally turned to face him, even though I knew he was lying. "So?"

"He said he saw you dump it."

I snorted. "I doubt it. Even if the spill was mine, he wouldn't have seen me do it. If I had wanted to stop last night, for ANYTHING, I would have made sure nobody would've found me. Besides, you don't know Bill's number."

James started to chew the inside of his cheek. It was a gesture that said I was winning. Or, at least, I thought I was. Because what James did next was so unexpected, I nearly released all my lies. The kiss was so rough and needy and I was so shocked at first that I didn't do anything, then I realized what was happening and I pushed James away.

"What the hell?" I could tolerate the touches James gave me, but he'd never kissed me before. It was a barrier I thought he knew not to cross. I guess I had been wrong. I pressed my fingers to my lips in surprise.

"Bill isn't going to forgive you!" James said harshly. "I could make you happy, I could love you the way he won't. But instead, you choose to torture yourself by thinking he'll forgive you someday, even after you ran out on him. Why?"

Without answering, I grabbed my Mockingjay keychain from the key bowl. It had my car keys on it. I had brought my mother's Sunfire with me to LA because I thought I would need it and, right then, I was glad I did. I dashed away and down the stairs as fast as I could, trying my hardest not cry. I didn't think James would follow me, but I wasn't taking any chances. I rushed outside to the silver car next to Amanda's used Aston Martin V12. The eight-year-old Sunfire started easily, despite not being used for more than a month.

I fought the urge to peel out of the lot. I only had my learner's permit, and a Canadian one at that, so I couldn't risk being stopped by the cops. I only needed to make it the four blocks to the twins' house and I'd be fine. I pulled out carefully and tried my best to keep to the speed limit. Too many thoughts ran through my head and I couldn't put them together enough to concentrate fully; I almost missed the cul-de-sac side road.

My life was going to be hell after this.

Bill's POV

*Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz*

Someone was at the gate. I lay in my bed and listened; waiting to see Tom would get up and get it.

Of course not. Tom had gone back to be and nothing could wake him up. I jumped up and rushed to the front door before I could miss the person. I turned the screen on the wall on and switched cameras until I had view of the gate. Irene was standing at the gate beside a silver GMC. She glanced behind her and pressed the button again.

*Buzz Buzz*

I spoke into the intercom. "Nobody's home."

"Very funny, Bill. Let me in." She sounded worried and pissed all at once. Let's see if I could make her crack a smile before I let her in.

"Tell me something first: Where did you get the car?"

"It's Mum's. Eli let me have it. Now let me in before I drive right through the gate."

"You'd scratch that pretty paint before you even put a dent in the gate." I said sweetly. "Say please."

I watched on the camera as she placed her forehead on the roof of the car and took a deep breath. She was definitely upset about something if she wasn't snapping at me for getting on her nerves. "Please open the gate, Billi."

"That's better." I clicked the gate unlocked and it swung open. Irene got back in the car and drove it up the driveway. I shut the gate again and shut the monitoring system down and met her at the front door. She came up the walkway, twirling a golden keychain around her index finger.

"Sorry I was longer than I expected," Irene said the second she walked in the door.

"It's alright." I studied her demeanor carefully. She seemed worried and uncomfortable. "Are you okay?"

"Yep." She went towards the living room.

I didn't like the way she was keeping her answers short, so I took her gently by the shoulders and turned her to face me. She quirked an eyebrow at me questioningly but all I did was stare back and I could tell she was lying- there was something wrong.

"You know, even after three years, you're still a horrible liar. What's wrong?" I moved my hands to cup her face so she couldn't look away. She opened her mouth, shut it, and opened it again, so I tapped her lightly on the cheek to snap her out of it.

"I'm so sorry, Bill." She whispered in a shuddering breath. I felt her tears wet my hands and I quickly wrapped her in a tight hug. She choked on her sobs and I patted her back.

"Shhhh, it's okay."

"No," Irene pulled back and wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt, "It's not."

I led her into the livingroom and sat her down on the couch. I took the spot beside her and took both her hands in mine. "Talk to me. What are you sorry for?"

"For leaving." She let go of me and started to wring her hands together, not meeting my eyes

I blinked stupidly. "This morning?"

Irene shook her head and a small smile played at her lips. At least my stupidity could make her smile. "No, for leaving Germany. I really shouldn't have. I was just scared at what I thought might happen and I took the coward's way out. By doing that I," She stopped and finally looked up at me, "I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that."

It was the apology I'd been expecting, but had been too scared to even bring up. We'd forgiven each other last night, and I wasn't going to ruin it all by bringing up senseless mistakes. In response to the apology, I kissed her hard. Almost instantly, Irene wrapped her hands around my neck and crawled up into my lap to press close, just like she'd done last night. It wasn't long before I was trailing open-mouthed kissed along her jaw and across her collar bone. Irene groaned and arched against me. I slipped my hands under her shirt and-

"So forgiveness comes with awkward PDA?"

And interrupted again. I glared up into my twin's smirking face. Irene tensed to move but I tightened my grip and sighed. "I did what you asked me to do, so calm down." She relaxed, but slid off my lap anyway and settled beside me. I kept my arms around her shoulders, the thought of letting her go ever again hard to swallow.

"Yeah, and I wish I would've been told sooner." Tom glared at the both of us, "Would've been easier than sneaking around, you know." He flopped into the La-Z-Boy and kicked his feet up.

"We weren't taking any risks in our secret." I said matter-of-factly.

Tom squinted at me. "Since when am I a 'risk' with secrets?"

I tapped my index finger on my chin in pretend thought. "When did you start drinking?"

Tom rolled his eyes and turned on the TV. As Tom watched the show, I settled for watching Irene and playing with her hair. We all sat in silence until Irene cleared her throat and announced that she needed a place to stay.

"My bed is big enough for two," I said with a smile that made Irene blush.

Tom agreed to letting her stay, saying it'd be just like before.

"But I'll have to remember to avoid just walking into Bill's room from now, on."

Irene assured him that we'd be as quiet as possible and I burst out laughing at the dirty brain my girlfriend now had. Tom was shocked silent, a rare feat that only I could do. I high-fived Irene and we giggled together quietly.

Maybe we were going to be okay.


	5. Secrets Already?

Book Three, Chapter four- "Secrets already?"

Date: July 11th, 2012

_**Amanda's POV**_

"You did _not _do that!" I stared at James in disbelief. What came out of his mouth after I found him crying on the floor by the door made me want to hit him, hard, with a metal bat.

"I did," James said breathlessly, "I kissed Irene and told her Bill didn't love her anymore."

I pressed the tips of my fingers into my temple and tried to rub away the ache behind my eyes- no luck. "You have no FUCKING idea as to whether or not Bill still loves her, so why the hell would you say that?!"

"Because I didn't want her to leave!"

"Well you caused just the opposite. Congrats." I spun on my heels and went back towards Irene's room. I doubted she was going to come back, so I figured I might as well bring her some clothes.

And I wanted to see Tom again. Last night, I'd been so drunk that I hadn't even but two and two together on the fact that Tom was Bill's brother. Or maybe I hadn't cared. I may not care much for Bill, but I had nothing against his sexy-as-hell brother.

In Irene's room, a large red duffel bag sat on the chair next to her desk, so I grabbed it and started shoving a random number of her favorite clothes inside. Then, I wrapped her laptop into its padded sleeve and put the phone and laptop chargers into the top of the duffel and zipped it shut, compacting the contents to fit. Next, I grabbed the amp to her guitar, knowing she'd want it. On my way out of the room, I bumped into a sleepy Lucy.

"What are you doing?" Lucy stood in the doorway, rubbing her eyes, "It's too early for noise."

"It's 10:45."

"My point exactly! Now answer my question." She leaned against the doorjamb.

"James is an idiot, and we're probably a broken band, so I'm bringing Irene clothes."

"That raises more questions than it answers, but I don't feel like fighting." Lucy twirled her fiery red hair into a bun and sighed. "I'm going to assume you need a ride?"

"I can drive myself." I said, "I'm older than you, remember?"

"But you're hungover." Lucy pointed out.

As if on cue, my head gave a little throb. Wincing, I nodded at Lucy and she went to go get dressed. As she got dressed, I packed my own little over-night bag and bass, hoping I'd be able to stay with the twins as well.

On the way to the Kaulitz house, Lucy and I both agreed that we hoped differences could be settled. The friendship we all had with each other was too precious to give up, so we had to settle this before our band broke up and we lost our ties. I, for one, definitely didn't want to choose between James and Irene; the choice would be too hard (even though I'd probably pick Irene, because I've known her longer). I'm sure Lucy and Amy didn't want to, either, so once I heard both sides of the story, I'd decide which of the two was really being an idiot. Though, knowing the two, it was probably James.

Irene's POV

Amanda and Lucy arrived with a bag of clothes, my laptop and chargers, and the amp to my guitar. They wanted my side of the story, so I took them out to the backyard and told them about James and his rough kiss, away from Bill's earshot of course, and harsh words.

"I still can't believe he kissed you like that." Lucy said.

"I can't believe he kissed me at all." I muttered, glancing at the doorway to make sure Bill wasn't listening. "He knew I didn't want him doing stuff like that."

"He's probably really sorry, you know." Lucy offered goodheartedly.

"I doubt it." Amanda said truthfully. Could always count on her for the cold truth.

I shrugged. "Amanda is right. James isn't going to forgive me so quickly, and my feelings are mutual. I should just stay here until he decides to stop being jealous and stupid."

Lucy gave me a look much like an adult would to a child being stubborn and I thought she was going to say it was all my fault, but instead she patted my back and wished me luck, going through the house and back out front. Amanda smiled sympathetically and went to follow Lucy, but Tom happened to come outside at that time and smirked at Amanda.

"Funny, I was just about to call you." Tom said.

"Looking for more?" Amanda teased.

"LEAVING!" I said quickly, putting my hands over my ears and going in the house with my bag hanging off my arm.

In the bedroom, Bill was curled up on his bed. When I entered, he stared at my bag curiously. "And how long are you staying for?"

I glared playfully at him and bounced onto the bed, crawling over him. "A little while. My friend James and I had a tiny... Spat. Why? Are you complaining?"

Bill placed his hands on my waist and shook his head. "Of course not. I've been away from you for three years, so I'm more than happy to have you with me again, just... Never mind, forget I said anything."

I leaned back to get a better look at my boyfriend's face. He seemed to be hiding something "What is it?" I was pushed from Bill's lap and he sat up. I knew just from the look on his face that he wanted to say something, but was too scared to. "Bill, what is it?"

"I'm just worried." He said simply.

"About what?"

Bill stayed silent. I wanted to prod for the answer, but I felt like I shouldn't. Besides, if the question had anything to do with anything I didn't want him to know, I didn't want to have to lie to him. Bill seemed to be thankful that I didn't prod.

"To be honest, though," I said quietly, "I'm worried too."

"Why?" Bill asked, twirling a strand of my hair around his little finger.

"I'm afraid that me being around will hurt people again." I murmured.

Bill stopped playing with my hair. "You still think everything that happened then was your fault?"

"It was," I insisted, "Especially that stupid tabloid picture."

"I'm the one that grabbed your face then." Bill pointed out.

"But I had never initiated the relationship in the first place, you probably wouldn't have been grabbing my face right then."

Bill tongued his lip ring, appearing deep in thought. After a few seconds, he slid closer to me and said, "You're right."

For some reason, Bill's proximity and a sudden change in atmosphere had me nervous, so all I could mumble was what I hoped was a questioning sound. In response, Bill slipped an arm around to the small of my back and pressed his fingers into my skin. I lay back with the motion. Bill loomed over me, staring down with an intense look in his eyes, and then kissed me.

"You're right," He repeated, "If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be here right now." Another kiss, "In this bed," and another, "doing this."

Yet another kiss and his other arm sliding around to meet the first. I found myself pinned under his weight. Our kisses grew deeper as Bill slid his hands up and down my back very slowly. I shuddered involuntarily and wrapped my arms around Bill's neck, savoring the kiss. Bill pressed closer, his whole body tempting against mine. He ran his thumb slowly over the bare skin between the waistband of my pants and the hem of my shirt, slowly moving his hand up under my shirt.

Suddenly, scary memories flashed through my head and my eyes flew open against my will. I quickly pushed Bill away and scooted over the edge of the bed.

Bill sighed behind me and I winced. I knew, with every fiber of my being, that Bill would never hurt me the way that horrible Donnie had. Yet, I still couldn't stand letting him touch me intimately. I didn't like anyone touching me, period. I hadn't even liked James touching me, but I'd let him; and look where that took us.

"Hey."

Bill's gentle voice at my shoulder caused me to jump. I kept my eyes on the floor, reluctant to see the disappointment in his eyes. But when he forced my eyes to his, I saw nothing close to what I expected. Instead, I saw compassion that made me smile weakly. I was glad he wasn't frustrated with me- even if he was probably just faking it.

"Maybe we should go downstairs," Bill suggested softly, "Where there's no enticement of a bed."

I laughed, both at his use of the word 'enticement' and his ability to make a bad situation good with just one stupid comment. I took his outstretched hand we went downstairs. We went into the living room to find Amanda and Tom sitting close together on the leather couch. Amanda had her bass in her lap, and was just strumming randomly while Tom watched her in fascination, as if he didn't play an instrument himself. It looked like a very innocent scene…. if you didn't notice Amanda's messy hair and slightly swollen lips.

"Ugh," Bill said when he spotted Amanda, "Who let you in?"

"I did." I said to him, "Her and my guitarist Lucy brought me my stuff. But Tom is the reason she stayed."

Amanda gave Bill an innocent smile. "Yeah, Billa. Your brother is the reason I stayed; care to challenge him?"

Bill whirled on Tom, but I stopped him before he could say something to Tom that might start a fight.

"Amanda, don't bug Bill." I said. When Amanda was about to say something, I stopped her and addressed Bill, "You, stop hating her. If Tom is going to want Amanda around, then you'll have to deal with it. Unless you want to get in the way of your twin's happiness?"

I knew Bill wouldn't do anything about Amanda when I pointed out that she made Tom happy, so I wasn't surprised when Bill backed down. He slumped down onto the loveseat.

"Hey," Amanda said before I could sit with him, "You should go get your guitar so we can play a song."

"I'd rather not." I muttered.

"Awe, pleassseeee?" Amanda pleaded. "It'll be fun. And Tom says he wants to hear you sing."

I glanced at Tom, who nodded in agreement. Even Bill had stopped pouting and was staring at me expectantly. I managed to stand my ground for an amazing total of three seconds before I gave in and trudged back upstairs for my guitar, then to the kitchen, where I had left my amp. I went back into the living room and took a seat next to Bill. I plugged in my amp into an outlet and the guitar into the amp. Now, Tom watched me with captivation. Probably because I was completely talentless three years ago, so my sudden ability to play an instrument surprised him.

"What song are we playing?" I asked Amanda.

She shrugged, tapping a finger against her bass in thought. I shouldn't have asked her to choose considering she'd probably pick a song that I would be embarrassed to play in front of the twins.

"You could play a Tokio Hotel song." Tom proposed with a leer.

"How about no." I said flatly.

"Why not?" Bill asked, his grin matching Tom's.

"Because that's… weird." I replied.

"I think we should." Amanda muttered.

I groaned. Was anyone on my side?! I was about sigh and give in when something that sounded like a cuckoo clock resonated throughout the room. Amanda and I shared a glance, knowing what it meant when that sound came out of my phone. However, the twins looked confused.

"Was that your phone?" Bill asked.

"Yes," I said, resting my guitar against the side of the loveseat. "Don't you have an iPhone?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think anyone actually used that ringtone." He teased.

"Well I do, but as an alarm. I forgot I have an appointment today, so I have to go. Guess you'll have to wait for your song."

I got my wallet out of the bedroom and then went to the front door to put my shoes on. Amanda crouched beside me as I was tying my shoes.

"You didn't tell them, did you?" She whispered so the twins wouldn't hear.

I shook my head. "I can't tell them that. Not yet, anyway. So keep your mouth shut while I'm gone, okay?"

"But.." She glanced behind her as Bill appeared. "Okay."

Amanda went back into the living room and I stood up next to Bill.

"What's the appointment for?" He asked, handing me a slip of paper and a key. I looked at the paper and saw that it was the security code for the gate.

"Thanks, and it's just a checkup. Nothing major." I shrugged and leaned up on my tiptoes to kiss him. "I'll see you later."

I left the house, slipping out the gate as it opened for me.

I hoped Amanda could stay quiet under the pressure I knew the twins would put on her.

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Amanda's POV

"Tell me." Bill prodded, jabbing me in the side of the head with his finger.

"No. And stop poking me, for god's sake!" I moved away from him, changing from the couch to the La-Z-Boy. Tom had taken Irene's stuff back upstairs and then disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me alone with Bill's multiple questions about his girlfriend's appointment.

"Tell me what kind of appointment it is," He whined, "I'm her boyfriend, so shouldn't I know if there's something wrong with her?"

"There's nothing wrong with her," I snapped, "And if there was, it would be her job to tell you about it; not mine. Now drop it."

Thankfully, Bill did and I sighed in relief. However, the silence was short lived when Bill spoke up again.

"If her life was in danger, you'd tell me, right?"

"Of course I would, moron."

Bill nodded and an awkward silence settled in. I knew Bill thought I was being a bitch by not telling him about Irene's appointment, but it wasn't my place to tell Bill about that. If Irene wanted him to know, she would have told him; so I was keeping my mouth shut. She definitely needed to tell him soon, though. If she had one of her… _episodes_… in front of him, it wouldn't turn out well.

"So are you going home tonight, or..?" Bill asked casually.

I smirked at him, "Actually, I think I'm staying. I'm really mad at James for what he did, so I can't stand staying in the same house as him."

"Irene said they had a fight. What was it about?"

I groaned in exasperation. Was she going to tell Bill anything at all, or was she just going to clam up every time something even remotely bad happened? I shook my head apologetically at Bill, who sighed and picked up his phone to do something on it.

If Irene kept going on like this, hers and Bill's relationship was going to go down the toilet again.

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Irene's POV, nighttime.

The house was dark when I finally slipped inside the gate and shut it behind me. My appointment had taken longer than usual today, so I'm glad Bill had given me the security code; I would've hated to have to wake him up if he was sleeping. The gravel crunched under my feet as I jogged up the driveway. My appointments were tiring and I really just wanted to go to bed now. I climbed up the steps and unlocked the door with the key. The dogs met me at the door, wagging their tails and sniffing curiously at me. I was still a stranger to them. I gave them a little reassuring pet on the head and took my shoes off, not bothering to untie them. The stairs seemed like an impossible feat, but I managed to trudge up them and into Bill's room, all without making a sound.

"Hey,"

"Shit!" I jumped and pressed my hand to my chest in shock. "You scared the hell out of me."

Bill chuckled. "Sorry."

"What are you still doing up?"

"I was waiting for you."

I smiled and went over to my bag to dig for my pajamas and a pair of underwear. As I found the pajamas, I grumbled quietly. Amanda had packed my pajama shorts, which were a bit too short for my taste. I snatched them and a tee-shirt up, going into the bathroom that was attached to Bill's room to change. The light over the white-marble sink gave the small bathroom a golden glow that made me even sleepier. I changed quickly and left my clothes on the floor when I went back out to the bedroom; I'd pick them up in the morning. Bill lifted the blankets for me as I crawled up onto the bed and I snuggled down into the warm comforter. Even though it was 25 degrees Celsius outside, the air conditioner in the house made it cold.

Bill lay next to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer. I snuggled against his bare chest and shuddered when Bill starting caressing my back with his hand.

"So how did your checkup go?" He asked. I knew he didn't believe me about it just being a checkup, but I was thankful that he wasn't pushing me to tell him.

"Good." I said simply.

"Will there be.. more checkups in the future?" Bill asked cautiously.

I shrugged. "Maybe. But can we not talk about that now. I'm kind of tired." I yawned to make my point.

Bill nodded and moved his hand from my back to my rest it on my thigh, where his hand met bare skin. He glanced at me questionably. I felt my face heat up under his gaze and explained shortly about how Amanda had it in her head that I should wear less conservative clothes, insisting that I looked good in them. Bill rolled his eyes.

"Don't listen to her. She doesn't know anything."

I sighed. "Bill, Amanda is really nice and she's my friend, probably also your twin's new girlfriend, so you need to be nicer." I looked up at him. "Please?"

"Only because you asked so nicely," Bill muttered in a teasing voice, "At least it's quiet in the house now. All afternoon, they locked themselves in Tom's room and—"

Bill was interrupted by a loud (and very female) moan that seemed to echo throughout the entire house. I buried my face into Bill's chest and made a failed attempt to stifle my giggles. Bill groaned and reached over me, picking a song on his iPhone and plugging it into the dock. I didn't know the song he picked, but it didn't matter. Anything would be better that hearing Tom and Amanda go at it.

"Night." Bill said in fake cheerfulness.

Still giggling, I said goodnight and blocked out all the sounds to fall asleep.

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A/N: QUIZ QUESTION! When is Irene and Bill's anniversary? Three choices: A) July 20th. B)July 22nd. OR C) August 8th. Right answers get to tell me what they think should happen in future chapters and I'll do my best to make your dreams come true! ;) Review and recommend, please! And remember my facebook page: face book rinaalexisroy

_**~Rina**_


	6. Tired of it

A/N: Dawna is Irene's mother and Eric is her brother, just in case you guys forgot. :P And I'm probably going to change this story to rated M because I got a complaint from a reader's parent about there being sexual shit in here. Yes, a parent actually messaged me and told me off. So, I'll change it. But in case I forget to when I post this chapter, there is sexual content in this chapter. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter six- "Tired of it."

Date: July 16th, 2012 (almost a week later)

Bill's POV

We were kissing again.

Not that I was complaining, of course, but kissing leads to dangerous territory. I didn't want to make her afraid, even though I knew it wasn't me she was afraid of. It was that bastard Donnie who she was afraid of. I barely managed to swallow my anger at the thought of that man. He had been released five days ago after a three year sentence for kidnapping Dawna and Eric. It would've been longer if Irene had testified against him for… _touching_… her, but she had been too afraid to do it. So he got off scot-free for that one.

Damn, I was so mad at my own thoughts that I only just realized that Irene was gripping the bed sheets tightly. I quickly moved away from her and watched as she squeezed her eyes shut and took deep, shuddering breaths.

"I'm sorry, Bill." Irene whispered, "I just…. can't." She hid her face behind her hands and sniffled.

I could understand why she was frustrated. She thought I was going to hate her if she kept pushing me away, even though I would never hate her for that. I laid my head on the pillow next to her, rubbing soothing circles in her back and whispering comforting words to her. We laid next to each other in silence, Irene sniffling against my shoulder and me reassuring her that I didn't care. She tried to apologize many more times, but I just shut her up with a kiss each time. Eventually, she gave up.

For about an hour, anyway.

Irene sat up and rubbed her palms against her eyes. She glanced at me out of the corner of her eye and said, "I'm tired of being afraid."

I sat up beside her. She turned her back to me and leaned back against my chest. I rested my hands lightly on her hips and my chin on her shoulder.

"So what do you want to do about it?" I asked quietly.

"I want…" Irene bit her lip and placed her head on my shoulder, looking up at me helplessly. She didn't continue her sentence.

"What?" I ran my hand across her stomach in an attempt to entice her into telling me what she wanted.

Irene sighed, but it was a content sound, not a scared one. "That's what I want," She whispered almost inaudibly.

"This?" I asked, dragging my hand across her belly again. She nodded and I understood. "You want me to touch you?"

Another nod.

"I don't know." I murmured in her ear.

"Please." Irene begged, "I don't want to be frightened every time you touch me. I know you won't hurt me but.." she paused and lowered her voice, "I just need to teach my body that."

I hesitated. Only an hour ago, she nearly ripped my bed sheets when we were making out; now she wanted me to touch her. I didn't want her to start panicking if the memories came back again.

"Are you sure?" I questioned, "Because you don't have to do this."

"I'm sure." Irene said. "Just.. be gentle?"

"Of course."

Honestly, I had no idea where to start. It wasn't like I was inexperienced (considering the things I'd done over the past three years), but I wasn't quite sure of a place to start that wouldn't shock Irene. After a minute of careful consideration, I settled for caressing her waist casually. Irene exhaled pleasurably and closed her eyes. A good sign, in my opinion. I moved my other hand and started to trace little patterns on her jean-clad thigh. When I still didn't get any bad reaction from the girl in front of me, I transferred the hand that was on her waist to under her shirt, doing the exact same thing except to her bare skin. I could feel her ribs under my fingertips but ignored the sickening feeling I got in my gut; she was still too skinny. Instead of dwelling on it, I carefully stroked my index finger up her side, counting her ribs in my head until I hit the bottom of her bra, where I stopped uncertainly.

"Do it." Irene said, her eyes still closed. She sounded sure, but I felt her body tense. When I didn't move my hand, Irene repeated her invitation and made herself relax.

With her permission, I gently slipped my hand into her bra and cupped her breast softly. She gasped and her mouth fell open slightly. The sight caused heat to start to form in the pit of my stomach- it was _that_ amazing. I squeezed a little harder on the mound of flesh and Irene's gasp turned into a full blown moan. The heat in my stomach grew and I pressed a kiss to Irene's jawline to distract her as I moved the hand that was on top of her thigh to the inner part of it. It stunned me when her legs fell open a bit and Irene whimpered in pleasure. Her body was obviously sensitive, which was probably why she didn't like to be touched too much. I trailed my fingers up the inside of her leg, still pressing kisses to her jaw and squeezing her breast. She writhed under my touch, panting quietly.

"Shit.." I gulped. I was getting way too turned on and it was starting to get uncomfortable.

Suddenly, Irene spun around to face me and straddled my hips. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her lips to mine. I freed both my hands so I could unbutton the white shirt she had on (which was mine) and pushed it off her shoulders. In reply, Irene pulled the hem of my shirt up and I lifted my arms so it could be pulled off. I worked my fingers over the clasp of her bra and it fell away easily; I threw it across the room. We kissed again, tongues dancing together passionately. Our bare chests pressed together tightly and I broke the kiss with a groan, moving my mouth downwards to drag hot kisses across her collarbone and then back up a bit to nip and suck at the skin on her neck.

"Bill…" Irene moaned my name hoarsely.

She untangled one hand from around my neck and moved it down until she hit the waistband of my jeans. Almost curiously, she rubbed her hand over my groin- the erection that was getting _really _painful in my tight pants. I ground out a low growl against her throat and rocked forward, flipping Irene backwards so she was lying on the bed with me on top of her. Irene giggled and pulled me down for another kiss. This one was sloppier than the others, our breaths blending together into one when we pulled away a little. I popped the button on her pants and worked the zipper down.

"Bill!" Tom's voice called form downstairs, breaking the sensual atmosphere in the room. "We're going to be late for the studio recording!"

I pulled away. Irene was blushing profusely and trying to cover up her bare chest, but she didn't seem too embarrassed or regretful when she huffed in annoyance. "Have I ever told you that I hated your brother?"

I laughed quietly. "Yeah, I'm not too fond of him right now, either."

"You could stay…" Irene suggested, propping herself up on her elbows to kiss me. I was shocked at her daring behaviour, especially considering she was still making an effort to cover up her exposed breasts.

"I could," I murmured against her lips.

"NOW BILL!" Tom yelled impatiently.

"Shut the fuck up and give me a second." I shouted back through gritted teeth.

Irene sighed and fell back against the pillows, pulling the blankets over her head. "Tom Kaulitz will die tonight." She said in a voice that belonged in a horror movie. I laughed at her, but I also wished we hadn't been interrupted.

A thought formed in my head and I grinned to myself, but Irene caught it and stared at me inquiringly. I shook my head at her and got up to change into looser pants, considering I had very prominent problem that obviously wouldn't be taken care of. I threw on an oversized shirt, too, just to be safe.

"I'll be back later." I said to Irene, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Love you."

"Love you, too." She said, still sounding annoyed, so I gave her an encouraging smile.

"Don't be sad. I've already thought about how to make this up to you."

Irene's eyes sparked with interest. "Really? How?"

I shook my head again. "Not telling. Bye."

My girlfriend opened her mouth to speak but I quickly dashed out the door before she could grill me for answers. I wanted it to be a total surprise for her, so I wasn't going to let even a little bit of information leak.

Downstairs, Tom was standing at the front door and tapping his foot irritably. "There you are little brother." He smirked. "Was it good?"

I glared at him. "I couldn't tell you, considering we were interrupted. Why would you want to know, anyways?"

Tom shrugged. The leer on his face dropped and was replaced with something I couldn't name. "I wouldn't want to know. I was just teasing you. Hurry and get your shoes on."

He walked out the front door and it slammed behind him. At the sound, Amanda poked her head around the corner from the kitchen.

"Did you deny him sex or something?" I asked her.

Amanda laughed and shook her head. "Who would be stupid enough to do that? Tom is great-."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!" I said quickly, following my brother out the door. A person could swear that chick had nothing better to do than get on my nerves.

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_**Amanda's POV**_

Half an hour after the twins left the house, Irene finally chose to emerge out of Bill's room. She wore a white button-up shirt and her red and blue plaid pajama shorts. She was showered and her hair fell in loose curls over her neck, which confused me. It took too many hair products to keep her curls loose and she always left them to tighten into spring-like ringlets when she was staying in the house. Why did she fix up her hair? She wasn't dressed to go anywhere...

Unless...

I abandoned the pancakes I was cooking and stepped close to her. She leaned back a bit, blinking at me in confusion.

"What?" She asked.

I reached for her hair, but she batted my hand away and sidestepped around me, heading for the fridge. That little reaction made me sure I knew what she was hiding, so I pounced and tackled her to the ground. I pinned her arms to her sides by placing one leg on each side of her waist. Irene struggled, but I wasn't going to relent. I reached for her hair again and this time was able to get it pushed away- what I saw there only slightly shocked me.

"You have a hickey." I said matter-of-factly.

Irene sighed. "Yes I do, Amanda. Thanks for pointing out the obvious. Can you get off me now?"

I climbed away from her, got up, and dusted myself off casually. I was bursting with questions, but I kept them to myself. Out of respect, of course. If Irene wanted to talk about her experiences, she would. You couldn't just come out and ask her, most of the time. I continued cooking my pancakes while I waited.

"Tom interrupted before anything too serious could happen." Irene said absentmindedly, pouring some milk into a glass.

"Are you disappointed?" I asked with a grin, transferring my breakfast to a plate and sitting across from Irene at the island.

Irene swished a mouthful of milk around thoughtfully, and then swallowed before she answered. "I don't know." She looked at me. "Is that bad?"

I smiled at her encouragingly. "Of course not. I mean, with what happened with Donnie—"

"_Don't bring that up,_" Irene said menacingly.

Though the girl was tiny, she could be scary at times. I nodded a yes and we sat in silence while I munched on my pancakes and Irene sipped her milk. It was strange; we seemed to have less to talk about since we started staying with the twins. Also, by this time, we hadn't seen the rest of our band for at least five days. It wasn't like we were isolating ourselves from them, James just hadn't apologized yet and we couldn't hang out with Lucy or Amy without James being James' name being brought up. That wouldn't be a bad thing if the topic of what James had done hadn't sent Irene spiralling into one of her little _episodes_.

"I'm sorry." Irene said suddenly, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that any mention of _him_ might bring me back to square one again, and Bill and I got so… close earlier."

Irene smiled as she clearly started to remember what had happened between her and the blonde singer. I laughed at the dazed look on her face. She didn't even snap out of it when her phone started to ring. It was sitting on the marble-top on front of her, so I reached over and pulled the sleek touch phone towards me, looking at the caller ID. It was James. I tapped the table in front of her and she broke away from her imagination. I pointed to the phone and she followed my finger.

"You answer it." she said.

I picked up the phone. "What do you want, James?" I said into the mouthpiece.

"Can I talk to Irene?"

"If Irene wanted to talk to you, she would've answered the phone herself." I retorted.

"I—" James stuttered and his voice wavered, "I want to apologize. Can't she come see me?

I repeated the question to Irene, who paused but said she would and went back upstairs to get dressed. I told James she would meet him at the apartment and went upstairs myself. Irene was in Bill's room and was just buttoning her jeans when I knocked and entered.

"Are you sure you want to meet with him?" I asked her.

"No." She answered honestly, taking the phone from my hand "But I'm not going to be the type of person who refuses to even listen to someone's apology. I'll give him a chance and if the apology is stupid, then… I don't know what we will do. I don't want to break up Midnight Sun."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

Irene shook her head. "No, I'll be fine."

I trusted that she was right.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)~()

_**Irene's POV**_

I stood outside the red-brick building nervously. Why had I been so quick to agree to this? My hands were shaking just at the thought of seeing and talking to James, especially about what had happened. And James was very touchy-feely, and I didn't know if I could cope with that just yet. Nevertheless, I unlocked the door myself with the keys and marched up tha stairs with determination. Even if I was nervous, I still needed to get it over with. I chose the stairs instead of the elevator to get up to the third floor and strode purposefully towards the door at the end of the hall. I tried the knob to find it unlocked and went inside. The open concept kitchen and living room were empty, so I went to the back left of the room and down the hallway to the bedrooms. James' room was the first door on the left, which I knocked on. It opened and James stood there, shirtless.

"Tati…" He said my nickname quietly, only slightly shocked.

"Hello." I replied, trying to avoid looking at his tanned and toned chest. Stupid Latino skin. "Please put a shirt on."

James went back into his room and I went out to the living room to sit on the couch and wait. James came out a minute later. He wore a pair of black jeans and a grey tee-shirt that clung in all the right places. I cursed him in my head, knowing he was doing all this so I would choose him instead of Bill.

That wasn't going to happen.

James sat next to me on the couch, unbearably close. Our thighs touched and I scooted away a little.

"Please don't do that." James said.

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Move away from me. I never want you to feel like you have to avoid me."

"Then you shouldn't have kissed me."

James sighed. "I know I shouldn't have done that. I knew about your boundaries and I crossed them without thinking. I was just so… afraid that you'd leave. You're the closest friend I've had in my whole life and I didn't want to lose you."

"Why did you do it then?" I asked. I still hadn't looked James in the face.

"I was angry." He whispered. "I knew you and Bill had made up and I was upset and scared that you'd leave which, as I said, I didn't want to happen. I thought if I kissed you, you'd finally realize how I felt and change your mind about Bill."

"I've always known how you felt about me James, and I made it perfectly clear that I only wanted to be friends," I said haltingly, "At least, I thought I had."

The Latino boy turned his body to face me. "I just thought I'd try to change your mind, because I really do care about you."

Now, I looked up at James. He was sad looking and it broke my heart. We had known each other literally since I landed back in Canada three years ago; were too close to be fighting like this. I bit my lip thoughtfully, thinking about what we could do about this situation.

"I'm so sorry, Tati." James said as I was thinking.

Right then and there, I decided to accept his apology. After Amanda, James was really my best friend and I didn't want to lose the relationship we had. I reached my arms out to James and he scooped me up in his arms, pulling me tightly against him. We hugged for a good five minutes, all of which I knew James was doing his best to hold back his tears.

"Thank you." He whispered against my shoulder. "You'll come back now, right?"

"James. I accept your apology but," I pulled away and stared at him, "But I don't think I'm going to move back in."

James' face fell. "Why not?"

I opened my mouth, and then closed it. How could I tell him?

"_Do it like you're ripping off a bandage." _A voice inside my head said. I winced at the sound of it, even though it was right.

"Bill and I together now, James. I want to live with my boyfriend."

Slowly, James nodded. "Understandable, I guess. What about Amanda?"

I smirked, "Amanda is dating Tom."

"Ah, I see."

And that's how I made up with James.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

_**Irene's POV, later that day.**_

After two hours of talking with James, I finally made it back to the twins' house. I was glad that James and I were back on speaking terms, but I had forgotten how much of a chatterbox James could be. I opened the front door tiredly and slipped my shoes off.

"I'm home." I called.

No-one answered.

"Hello?" I called out again, only to be answered by silence.

Where was everyone? I knew the twins could still be at the studio, but where was Amanda? I trudged up the stairs and turned the corner. I squeaked in protest when a pair of arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I already knew they weren't Bill's arms; they were a bit too strong to be Bill's. I turned my head a bit and caught a glimpse of black dreads hanging by the side of my head.

"Tom!" I said, shocked. "What are you doing?"

Tom said nothing as he spun me around to face him and trapped me between the wall beside Bill's door and his body. Tom had his palms on the wall on either side of my head. His breathing was ragged and his face had a rosy tint to it.

"What's the matter with you?" I asked a bit harsher than necessary.

"There's something that has been bothering me for three years." Tom said quietly. "And I need to get it off my chest."

"And what is that?"

As a reply, Tom leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. I gasped, stunned by his boldness, but also found myself melting under the kiss. Tom's lips were soft and felt just like Bill's, so my body was confused as to actually who was kissing it. Tom ran his hands down the wall until they were on my hips and pulled me closer to him. I clutched at Tom's shirt, but I couldn't tell if the desperation I felt was because I wanted him to keep kissing me or if I wanted him to get away from me. When I found myself hoping it was the former, I pushed him away, disgusted with myself. I shouldn't enjoy kissing my boyfriend's brother. I slid down the wall until I was sitting on the floor, holding my aching head in my hands. I haven't felt this kind of headache since…

Oh shit.

"Call Amanda." I told Tom, who bent down to my level and stared at me with wide, scared eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asked in a panicked voice, "Did I hurt you? I'm—"

"Call Amanda!" I repeated in a stricter tone, pressing my palms to my temples in a feeble attempt to make the pain stop.

This time, Tom obeyed. He took his phone out of his pocket and dialled. After a second, he spoke words that were becoming indiscernible to me. Damn, I was blacking out.

"Not here, not now!" I chanted to myself, rocking back and forth a little.

I could feel Tom's hands on me, grasping my upper arms, but I couldn't hear what he was saying to me. It was taking all my energy not to pass out- to not let _them _out. Tears streaked down my face as the pain worsened. I screamed, not being able to take it anymore.

The last thing I heard before I finally lost consciousness was Bill yelling my name.


	7. Touch me

A/N: Rated M, for mature! I tried REALLY hard not to use dirty words, though Soooo… yeah. Review and Recommend, please!

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter six- "Touch me."

Date: July 16th, 2012, five hours later.

Irene's POV

Someone was touching me.

They were stroking my hair to be exact. I stayed still and listened, my naturally suspicious instincts kicking in. I was in Bill's room and there were two voices speaking; one belonged to Bill and the other to Amanda. I kept my breathing even so they wouldn't realize I was awake.

"When is she going to wake up?" Bill asked softly.

"Soon." Amanda said from somewhere near my feet.

She sounded really angry and it made me remember why I passed out in the first place. It took all I had not to wince at the memory as I continued to eavesdrop. I just wanted to know If Bill knew about Tom kissing me. After an awkward silence, Bill spoke again.

"What are you going to do about Tom?"

Yep, there it was. He knew about it.

"I think you mean what are WEgoing to do about it. He did kiss _your _girlfriend, you know."

Bill sighed and his hand stilled on my head. "I know, but… he kissed her, right?"

"That's what he told me." Amanda said crossly.

"How mad are you at him? Because I'm pretty pissed about it, but he's my brother and I know I won't be able to stay mad at him forever. Especially if Irene asks me not to be mad."

Ah, Bill knew me so well. I waited for Amanda's answer, which came after a thoughtful silence.

"I think I always knew that Tom had this weakness. Not to say Irene was the weakness, but I think that I kind of expected it. Not with Irene, but with somebody. I didn't think that Tom seemed like one to settle down, and I'm happy that he chose to do so with me, but I guess he knew he'd slip up at some point."

Amanda was beginning a ramble. This kind of calmed me down because I knew it meant that she wasn't mad- it meant that she was thinking hard about the situation and was trying to see the good side of it.

"I'm not mad," Amanda continued, confirming my thoughts, "but I can't tell Tom that. He has to know that it can't happen again. And the fact that it was Irene just makes it...I don't know...it makes it kind of okay. They've known each for a long time. If he was going to kiss anybody, I'm glad it was her because it makes it easier to deal with. I know that Irene isn't going to try and steal him from me (she's too in love with you) but I do feel a bit different now- not as carefree. Sex and stuff won't come so easy for a while but... I still love him and it's worth it to try and make it work. I'm here for him, he doesn't need someone else."

Bill was silent, but I knew he was smiling. I would be too if I wasn't still concentrating on my breathing.

"You're not as bad as I thought." Bill whispered.

Amanda snorted. "Told you."

Bill laughed freely and I was glad that they were finally getting along, even if it had taken Tom being a complete idiot to do it. I made my body stir, faking a wake-up. Bill's hand disappeared and I felt him move away from me. I blinked open my eyes and turned my head towards him. Bill was sitting near my head and Amanda was lying on her stomach at the foot of the bed. I faked a confused look, then a realization one. However, I didn't have to try so hard for the realization one, because I if Bill was in the room then maybe he saw my alteration.

"Please tell me he didn't see it." I said to Amanda with a horrified tone.

Amanda didn't say anything and I groaned.

"Amanda and I were just coming in the house when Tom called her," Bill started speaking slowly. "We heard you scream and I ran up the stairs and found you passed out on the floor with Tom kneeling over you, shaking you. Tom said that you had just collapsed for no reason but…"

Bill fiddled with his lip ring and Amanda picked up where he left off, "But I knew that was a lie." She said in a low voice, tilting her head down so she could look at my bowed face, "I'm not mad at you; I know you didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm not either." Bill offered, putting his hand on my back and rubbing up and down my spine.

I buried my face in my hands, gasping with sobs what actually weren't faked. "I'm so embarrassed." I cried, "And not just because of the Tom thing. I never wanted you to see me that way, Bill."

"I'll be back." Amanda said. She patted my blanket-covered leg and left the room. Bill waited until her footsteps had gone downstairs before he spoke.

"Why didn't you just tell me you had a mental disorder?"

"God, listen to how that sounds, Bill!" I wailed. "It sounds like I'm fucking crazy or something!"

"I know you're not crazy, Bean." Bill bundled me up in his arms and held me close to his chest. He rocked me gently and I felt like a child again as I sobbed against his shirt.

As I had told him, I had never planned on Bill finding out about my MPD. A girlfriend with a multiple personality disorder didn't usually go over well with guys, so I had deliberately kept it a secret so he wouldn't think of me as a freak.

"Look at me." Bill said once I'd stopped crying.

I tilted my head back and stared into his eyes. I tried to see something other than love and compassion in those golden-brown orbs, but realized I couldn't. Bill really wasn't repulsed by me or anything that had happened. My eyes fluttered shut as Bill put his fingertip on my chin and moved my face into the right position for a kiss. Our mouths fused together perfectly, just like always. The gentle kiss only lasted for a second before Bill pulled away. He didn't go far; only far enough so we could breathe and our foreheads could still be pressed together. Bill caressed my cheek tenderly. I was content, considering what had happened. Bill didn't hate me, Amanda didn't hate me…

"I'd hate to bring this up but… Where's Tom?" I asked.

To my surprise, Bill didn't stiffen or stop stroking my cheek as he answered.

"He locked himself in his room after he told Amanda what had happened. He hasn't come out since."

"I feel kind of bad." I whispered.

"Why?" Bill asked, his voice going hard, "You didn't do anything."

"But I'm causing trouble again." I said. "I didn't want that to happen."

Bill sighed. "Just don't think about it. Let's just talk right now, okay?"

I nodded and leaned my head against Bill's shoulder, "Talk about what?"

"Feel like telling me about your MPD?"

I nodded again. He knew now, so it would be good to tell him more about it. "What do you want to know first?"

Bill pursed his lips for a second. "When did this all start?"

"When you guys released Humanoid. My therapist said that hearing your voice when I was trying to forget you made me snap and make a whole different personality to cope with the anxiety. It started off as one different personality, and then grew into more. I'm not sure how many I have. Speaking of which, do you know which one you saw?"

"Amanda called her Lilith."

"Ah," I said with a sad chuckle, "_her_."

"What kind of personality is Lilith?" Bill asked calmly, playing with my hair.

"She was my first alter, so she's more like me than the other ones. And she has my memories, too, so she knows everything about me." I explained, freeing my hands so I could gesture to myself, "However, she's a lot braver than I am. So if I start flirting with random strangers on the street, it's probably her. She's manipulative, as well. Don't listen to a word she says."

Bill smiled slightly and laughed. "What about the other ones?"

I shrugged, "The other ones are basically unimportant. I know two of them that come out often. One is a child-like personality and the other is extremely violent. You don't want to meet either of them, trust me. I don't know exactly how many there is. Amanda says she sees a new one every once in a while, but we don't name them unless they come out frequently." I paused, "This just keeps sounding crazier and crazier."

"I don't think it does." Bill murmured. "Everyone copes differently to depression. Not to dig up dirt or anything, but look at what happened with me. I could've died from AIDS if I'd kept on the path I was on."

I shifted my position so I was sitting in Bill's lap, rather than being curled up in it. I placed my hands on his chest and leaned close to his face.

"Good thing you forgave me then, isn't it?" I said sweetly.

Bill smirked and put his hands up under my shirt and onto my waist, rubbing his thumbs over my hipbones.

"Good thing." He agreed, "Or I'd never know what it feels like to touch you like this."

Bill moved his hands upwards to my chest, which was bare because Amanda didn't like me to wear stuff that could be used in any way to kill me when an alter took over. The violent one had tried that once before. Bill squeezed a breast in his hand and moaned lightly. How the hell had I ever been scared of _this?_ It felt so good. Bill lifted my shirt off and then spun around and pushed me backwards so I reclined against the pillows. He loomed over me and started pressing light kisses to my jaw, neck and collarbone. I arched against him when he nipped gently at the skin on my shoulder, undeniably leaving another love bite. He licked the skin around the bite carefully, soothing the small wound. After he was done that, he moved down lower and sucked a nipple into his mouth.

"Oooh, shit," I gasped, toes curling with pleasure.

A set of fingers snuck in between my legs and I opened them a bit. I felt the fingers put gentle pressure on my crotch. I could just barely feel it through the material of my jeans, but even that little sensation had my eyes rolling back into my head. I was so sensitive on certain parts of my body and it embarrassed me slightly to know that I could get so turned on from only the simplest of touches. Bill moved his head back up to my face and kissed me as he worked his fingers between my legs. Our tongues danced together lazily and I curved my body against Bill's to feel the bulge in his jeans. I pushed my hand down his body until I hit the large lump and cupped it in my hand. I squeezed gently, not exactly sure what to do, but figured I did something right because Bill let a groan escape his lips. He kissed me again.

"You know I love you, right?" He mumbled against my lips.

"Of course."

"And you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Good."

The hand that was between my legs moved upwards and wormed its way into my jeans. I panted as Bill touched me with just my thin panties separating his fingers from my bare skin. My moans were getting louder, so Bill kissed me to swallow the sounds.

"Bill… You have—" I could barely get a coherent sentence out by now. I could feel a pressure building up in my pelvic region and knew I was getting close a climax. "Please touch me."

In response, Bill slipped his hand into my underwear, finally touching bare skin. He didn't breech me with his fingers, he just rubbed excitedly until I clutched at his shirt frantically, gasping into his neck.

"I—I—"

My words faltered as the pressure in my abdomen finally released and I felt immense pleasure run through my body. The moan that escaped could probably be heard throughout the whole house, but I didn't care; it had felt too good to care. Bill pulled his hand from my pants and moved to lie down next to me. When I put my head on his chest, I noticed once again the swelling in his pants. I reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, sliding my hand into the opening and caressing him through his underwear. I knew my own touches were inexperienced, but I didn't want to be a girl who just took without returning the favor. I could feel Bill's eyes on me as I stroked him. He was panting a little and I took that as a good sign. I moved so I could sit on Bill's knees as I pulled his pants down a little, taking the black boxers with them. His erection sprang upwards and I barely held back a squeak of surprise.

He was so… big.

Slowly but surely, I ran my palm up the underside of his length, judging his reaction through my lashes. Bill groaned quietly, trying to make as little noise as possible. I wrapped my hand around him and moved it up and down at a leisurely pace, teasing him slightly by circling my thumb on the slit at the top.

"Oh god," Bill moaned a little louder than before.

I smirked and decided to get a bit more daring. Sliding my legs backwards, I moved down until my face was aligned with Bill's groin. The man watched through lidded eyes as I gave a tentative lick to the tip of his manhood, and then sucked the tip into my mouth. I wrapped one hand around the base, keeping it still as I took as much of it onto my mouth as possible. I barely got halfway before I had to pull by from the fear of gagging. Still, I continued to suck and lick as my boyfriend panted above me. Bill wound his fingers into my hair, encouraging me with little tugs and rubs. I ran my tongue from the base of his length to the tip, doing with my tongue what I'd done with my thumb a few minutes earlier. I used my free hand to trace the star tattoo on Bill's hip, knowing it was a sensitive spot for the singer.

"Bean, you gotta stop. I'm gonna—"

Bill's words died in his mouth and I pulled my face away just in time. Streams of sticky white liquid spurted out of his manhood and onto his stomach. Bill's head was thrown back, his jaw slackened into a face of pure ecstasy. I pumped him hard until he finally finished and then pulled my hand away. Bill was panting harshly, so I took up the job of reaching for the tissues and cleaning him and myself off. When I had disposed of the paper, Bill had snapped out of his trance and stripped of every piece of his clothing, except for his underwear. When I climbed back into the bed with him, he gestured for me to do the same and I did. I lay with my back to Bill and he spooned up behind me, cuddling as close as possible to my back.

"You know," He said before I could drift off to sleep. "That wasn't how I'm planning on making up this morning to you."

"No?"

"Nope."

"So how are you going to make it up to me, then?"

Bill placed a kiss on the top curve of my ear and laughed breathlessly into it, "You'll have to wait and see. Now go to sleep, beautiful."

My eyelids felt heavy and they drooped closed on their own accord. I was fast asleep within seconds, my dreams happy ones.


	8. Making up

A/N: Another rated M chapter. Enjoy! :3

Book Three, Chapter eight- "Making up."

Date: July 17th, 2012

Amanda's POV

"Come on, Tom. Just stop being such a fucking baby and come out." I said irritably, laying my head back against the door.

All was silent on the other side. I growled low in my throat and stood up. It was time to give up. Bill, Irene and I had been trying all morning to get him out without any successful results. We'd even caved in and tried what could have turned out to be the dumbest idea ever: leaving Irene alone by the door so she could try and coax him out. There were so many ways that that could've turned out badly, but Tom wouldn't even come out for her. In my eyes, we should just leave him be and let him come out whenever he decided to stop being a whine ass. I wasn't really that mad, but I wanted to hear the whole story on why he'd done it. Bill was kind of pissed, but it was more of a jealous-boyfriend than a my-brother-kissed-my-girlfriend kind of way. Irene… well, she always tried to see the good in everything, so she was quick to forgive Tom.

I stormed down the stairs and found Irene and Bill sitting close together on the couch, looking through a magazine on the coffee table. Bill was pointing at pictures of little chocolate cakes, asking Irene which one she thought looked best. I knew what he was planning for her, but I kept my mouth shut about that and announced that I was going out instead.

"Where are you going?" Irene asked over Bill's shoulder, a concerned look on her face.

"Just for a walk." I answered, "To cool off."

Before Irene or Bill could say anything else, I slipped my shoes onto my feet and walked out the door. The gate opened for me as I reached it and I walked out, mentally thanking whoever had opened it. I left the cul-de-sac, walking in a random direction away from the house.

If Tom was going to be this way and not apologize, then so be it. I had told him that I wasn't mad at him, but he'd chosen not to listen to me. Why did he have to be so stubborn? I really wanted to be with Tom, but we couldn't move forward until he decided to talk to me again. But… what if he didn't even want to be with me? I slowed my pace at the thought. He had been pretty drunk the night we met, but if he'd wanted me to just be a one night stand, he wouldn't have called me and invited me to stay with him. But maybe he had just kept me around because I was a good fuck. I balled my fists up tightly at the thought. If Tom didn't actually like me, then he should've told me. I didn't like being used like that.

Suddenly, the honking of a horn filled my ears and raised my head to see a grey van racing towards me. I knew I wouldn't have time to move, time to react. I just closed my eyes and waited for the impact.

But it never came. A pair of solid arms wrapped around my shoulders and pulled me from the path of the car, dragging me backwards until I was thrown into the backseat of a car. I looked up and into Tom's worried face.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

In reply, I slapped him across the face. "What the hell do you think you're doing, saving me? I don't need to be saved, you asshole! Least of all by some asshole who goes around kissing my best friend! What the hell is wrong with you?! Tell me, _Tomi_," I said his nickname in the most sarcastic tone possible, "what the hell is going through that mind of yours!? Do you even like me? Am I just sex for you? Why save me? If you don't care about me, THEN WHY SAVE ME?"

Tears were streaming down my face now and I wiped at my eyes furiously. Stupid emotions, making me cry when I was supposed to be angry. Tom reached forward and pulled my hand away from my face, clasping my wrists tightly. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine in a kiss so gentle that I barely had time to register it before he pulled back again, looking right into my eyes.

"I love you." He whispered.

Without thinking, I freed my hands and slapped him again. Tom looked appalled, but I just grabbed his face in my hands and kissed him back slightly harder.

"I love you too." I said softly.

This time, Tom didn't pull away immediately. He bit lightly at my bottom lip and I opened up happily for him so our tongues could twist together in a passionate kiss. I gripped at the hem of Tom's shirt and yanked it upwards forcefully. Tom took the shirt from my hands and slipped it over his head, throwing it in the front seat. It was then when I took in the surroundings around the car. We were in the Escalade and parked behind some kind of office building. I opened my mouth to say something, but Tom shut me up with a kiss.

"Don't worry about it," He said huskily, gripping my hips and flipping us around so I was in his lap.

I ran my hand down his tanned chest and over firm abs, shuddering at the feeling of Tom's body under my fingers. Much to my disappointment, Tom removed my hands from his abdomen but the disappointment was quickly gone when Tom removed my shirt. I blushed slightly but grinned and kissed him deeply, shivering under his touch as his hands wandered over my back and stomach, slowly moving up to grip my breast in his hand. I let out a small moan and blushed at how needy it sounded. My hands found their way back to his chest and I traced each dip and curve of his muscular form, memorizing each inch of the man I loved. I closed my eyes as Tom's lips moved from the kiss to my neck, sucking and kissing lightly. My body shivered under the pleasure it gave me and I involuntarily moved my hips against Tom's, grinning a bit as I heard the deep moan that came from his lips. Feeling proud of my actions, I moved against him again and felt him shiver underneath me, his hand squeezing my breast again. I let my lips ghost over his shoulder before kissing it gently, my hand running along the beltline of his pants and slowly letting my fingertips trail down over his crotch, pressing into the forming hard on. I smiled, proud of my handiwork. I moved my hand over Tom's growing erection as I closed my eyes, enjoying the touch of his lips against my chest. I giggled a bit as I heard a whine come from between his lips as they reached the edge of my bra; his hands travelled up my back slowly releasing the bit of clothing from my chest. His lips returned to the soft skin and I let out a moan as I felt them against the sensitive area, feeling the cool metal of the piercing I loved.

"Tom," I moaned out as he focused on one than the other, not missing even one of the sensitive spots he knew drove me crazy.

I trembled, hardly able to make out what my own hands were doing now, but I managed to undo his pants and sneak a hand to his erection, wrapping my fingers around it and stroking him slowly. My mind was still blurry from pleasure, but I felt his hands grip my butt as he let out a low moan of pleasure. I focused on stroking him just slowly enough to tease him as my lip's trailed down his neck and chest, licking slightly at the hot skin. Our slow pace was driving Tom crazy, and I felt him tug at the front of my jeans. Grinning, I let him undo them and let out a rather loud moan as I felt his skilled fingers slip past the silk material and enter me. I all but forgot about teasing him as I leaned my head back, panting hard. God, his fingers were magic. He knew exactly where to go; what to touch. His thumb moved against my most sensitive spot as I continued to moan. My hands reached to grip the black dreads, finding the elastic that held them back and pulled it out, watching the dreads fall. Tom smirked and I just grinned back, but gasped and gripped the dark locks as a wave of pleasure rolled through me as he touched me again, moving his fingers in time. Feeling Tom move his hips, I resumed moving my hand, though quicker as I let my thumb brush over the top. The windows by this point were steamed up; the air in the vehicle hot as we pressed against each other. Getting impatient, I pulled Tom's pants down as he did the same. I kicked mine aside as I moved back over his hips, grinding against his hard on, making him moan louder as I teased him with what he could be feeling.

"Amanda, stop teasing… it isn't fair," he let out a breathy laugh that turned into a moan as his hips fell to my hips, staying there.

I soon felt his fingers move the silk out of the way. I expected more from his magic fingers, but let out a loud, surprised moan as he pushed into me without warning. Panting, I wrapped my arms around his neck loosely as I felt him fill me up, loving the feeling. Every time with Tom was like a dream, one that I never wanted to end. Feeling both of our chests heaving as we panted at the sudden pleasure, I felt his arm wrap around me, almost protectively as I looked up into his eyes. Kissing me deeply, I felt his lips tremble as he desperately wanted more. I took the hint and slowly moved my hips, letting out a gasp at the sudden pleasure, the sound mixing with Tom's own sexy moan. His hands were once again on my hips, helping me move on him. Our foreheads pressed against each other, we kissed sloppily as moans escaped our lips. Bucking my hips slowly, Tom's body trembled underneath mine, and I took a moment to appreciate the fact that I had control over him for just a moment, something nobody else would ever have the chance to experience. Grinning, I leaned over and kissed him sweetly. God, I loved this man.

Obviously unsatisfied with my slow pace, I felt him grip my hips slightly tighter as he turned us over, pressing my back against the cool leather seats; my back arching into his hot chest. His hands spread my legs farther as he thrust quickly into me, making me moan and grip the leather seats. I squeezed against him slightly as he thrust, earning another moan which I enjoyed. I felt his thrusts become needier and I knew he was getting close. Moving back against his thrusts in time, I felt my body start to tingle as I felt my own release getting closer. Curling my toes, I moaned and my mind went numb as I felt the unbearable amount of pleasure coursing through my body, wave after wave as he continued to thrust. Not long after, I felt him release into me, feeling the hot liquid, and making me moan. I held him close as we panted, enjoying the blissful moment as our bodies still trembled in pleasure. I kept my eyes close as I slowly became more aware of the other, feeling his thumb lightly tracing circles on my hip as his breathing slowly calmed. His head was resting on my shoulder. I smiled and played with the dreads gently as we laid there, feeling content, happy and loved.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Irene's POV

__"Billi!" I whined, plopping myself down into my boyfriend's lap on the couch.

"What?" Bill asked with his eyes wide and innocent. He was trying to catch me off guard and have me stray from the path of curiousness about what he had planned for me.

"Tell me what you're planning!" I said as I brought my face just inches from his and lowered my voice seductively, "Please, Billi."

A small smile graced Bill's face and he gave me a light kiss. When he pulled back, I expected him to tell me, but he just smirked and said, "No."

I threw my hands in the air in frustration and slid off the couch and onto the floor with the dogs, who climbed all over me in an epic battle for my attention. I petted them both, ignoring Bill when he started to play with my curls.

"Can't you just be patient?" Bill asked quietly. "I want it to be a total surprise."

I continued to ignore him, but this time because I was running through my head the many reasons why he could be preparing something so secretive. My birthday had been a week ago, his birthday wasn't for a month and a half and he wouldn't be planning anything for me on his birthday. I growled quietly, irritated that I could think of any special reason Bill was doing this for.

Then it hit me.

Pushing the dogs from my lap, I rose up onto my knees and looked Bill right in the eyes.

"Anniversary." I said simply. I knew I was right when Bill bit the inside of his cheek and stayed silent. "You're arranging something for our anniversary this Sunday!"

"Awe, you figured it out." Bill pouted sadly. "I didn't think you would, considering I never said we should just pick up the relationship where we left off."

Picking up where we left off… If we did that, it would be our three-year anniversary. I definitely didn't mind that, but I didn't want Bill spending a huge amount of money of me. Bill frowned at me when I told him so.

"Why not? It's not like I don't have the money to do it."

"Because I don't like it when people spend money on me; it makes me feel like I owe them something."

"What if I told you that you wouldn't owe me anything?"

"I would still say no."

Bill sighed. "No money at all?"

"Not unless you want to buy me something from a dollar store." I confirmed.

The singer's mouth puckered in displeasure. He didn't like that I didn't want him to spend money on me and it made me wonder how much he had been thinking about spending.

"How about we meet in the middle?" Bill asked, desperation clear in his voice.

"How so?" I questioned.

"I won't spend too much money, but let me spend a little, at least. Like maybe, we could set a limit on how much I should spend?"

"$50." I said promptly. Bill groaned.

"$300."

"Bill…" I warned lowly.

"Come on!" It was Bill's turn to whine. "Just let me have 300. It's really not that much!"

"Why do you even need that much?" I asked bleakly. "Are you renting a goddamn ballroom or something?"

Bill's lips formed a tight line. I realized he was getting angry so I quickly clamped my mouth shut and went into the kitchen. Getting the Sprite from the fridge, I jumped up onto the countertop and poured myself a glass. I didn't want Bill to be angry with me, but I also didn't want him to think he had to go out on some kind of splurge with his money just to make me happy. Even though I knew he was perfectly capable of spending a bunch of money without it hurting his bank account, I still didn't want him to do it. Growing up, I hadn't had a lot to call my own: just a few dolls and some teddy bears, most of which had been hand-me-downs. Being that way as a kid had helped me learn the value money at a very young age. Even if they could, I refused to let people spend money on me.

"I wanted to rent us a hotel room," Bill said from the doorway. A quick glance at his face told me that he wasn't really mad, but probably upset that I was making a big deal over it, "so we could be alone on our anniversary. No retarded brother, no aggravating friend…" Bill came up to me and set his hands on either side of the counter beside me, "Just us."

Bill bent his head and nosed my face up so we could meet in a loving kiss. One of his hands came up to wrap snugly around my neck and pull me closer to him. We stayed like this for a couple minutes before we broke apart for air.

"Just let me get a really nice hotel room," Bill said, "And then I promise not to spend a lot of money after that. Deal?"

I nodded without hesitation. I didn't want to fight with Bill over something so trivial. We kissed one more time and then we heard the front door open. I freed myself form Bill's grasp and went out into the hallway to see Amanda and Tom coming in the door. Much to my relief, they were holding hands. I pretended I didn't notice a little bit of Amanda's hair sticking to her forehead from sweat and the fact that her shirt was much more winkled than it had been when she left. However, it was harder to pretend that I didn't notice Tom staring at me, so I just crossed my arms and ignored him, but he was having none of that.

"I think we need to talk." He said, the request unmistakably directed at me.

"I don't know if that's a good idea, Tom." Bill said from behind me. He placed his hand on my shoulder.

"You can sit in on the conversation, Bill, but I really just need to talk to her."

I didn't want to talk to him. I knew I would have to eventually, but right now I just couldn't do it. My body was still getting back to normal after my episode last night. What if talking to Tom about what happened sent me spiraling into another one? I didn't want it to happen again in case a different personality came out. What if the violent one came out? Someone could get hurt. I looked up at Amanda and she could tell straightaway what I was thinking.

"Not now, Tom. Maybe later." She tried to push Tom towards the stairs, but he resisted.

"Look, I'm not going to try anything, I just want to talk." Tom gazed at me with pleading eyes.

Amanda turned towards me questioningly, wordlessly telling me that it was my decision. Bill pulled me against him protectively; for what reason, I didn't know. Maybe he thought my fear of hurting Tom was an actual fear of Tom himself. Bill hadn't completely pardoned his brother's behaviour yet.

"Bill, stop being like that, okay?" Tom snapped at his brother. "I just want to explain why I did what I did."

"Don't tell me to stop being like this. I'm just trying to protect her."

"It's not like I'm trying to hurt her, Bill!"

Bill snorted, "Yeah, because kissing her was a good thing!"

"I only did it because—"

"_STOP!_" I screamed at them, "Just stop, both of you! No, Tom shouldn't have done what he did, but I don't need protecting from him because of it."

My head was starting to hurt so I stumbled into the living room and onto the couch. I sunk down into the leather cushions and put my head in my hands. Amanda sat down beside me a couple seconds later and placed her hand on my back, patting comfortingly.

"Is it another episode?" She asked gently.

"I don't think so." I said. "but…" I winced as pain laced through my head. "I don't know."

Amanda went to say something else, but she quickly shut up when my whole body started to tremble. The pain that started coursing throughout my body made it feel it was on fire. I gasped, suddenly unable to breathe due to some invisible force folding its hands around my neck. Clawing at my neck didn't do any good and I knew I would soon pass out from lack of oxygen.

"Call an ambulance!" That was Amanda's voice. It sounded terrified, like I was going to die; and maybe I was, who knew.

My vision finally started to blur and I pitched forward. I would've smashed my head off the coffee table if someone hadn't caught me. The person leaned over me and I saw it was Tom. Bill must've been calling the ambulance, like Amanda had said to do, or it would've been him that caught me. I pressed my eyes shut tightly. For a second, I was able to breathe again and I sucked in a mouthful of air. That air seemed to help, and I continued to breathe normally, the invisible hands gone. Tom called to Bill and Amanda, who came in from the kitchen. When had Amanda gone in there? Bill was still holding the phone to his ear and when he saw me breathing normally again, told the operator that the ambulance wasn't needed. He hung it up and came to knee next to me and Tom. I dragged myself out of Tom's arms and into Bill's. Bill brought his face close to mine.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a soft voice.

I nodded and tried to speak, but all I got out was, "Make up…"

Bill blinked at me. "Huh?"

"You and Tom.." I was still trying to regain my breath and speaking was difficult, "Make up, _please_."

Tom sighed, having heard what I said and looked at Bill. "I'm sorry for what I did," The guitarist said, "I was just—stressed and overthinking things. I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

The dreaded man touched the back of my hand in silent apology and I smiled reassuringly at him. I could feel my eyelids starting to go limp; whatever had happened to me had taken most of my energy.

"Tired…" I mumbled, my head falling against Bill's chest.

"Take her upstairs, Tom." Bill said, much to my surprise, "I need to talk to Amanda."

I felt my body change from gentle hands to firm ones and I was lifted off the ground.

"Come back down when you're done." Amanda warned, but I heard a bit of teasing in her voice.

Tom's chest rumbled in a quiet chuckle and went towards the stairs. He held me close against him and I felt content. Not like I-wanted-him-to-touch-me content, but more thank god it's over and we can go back to normal. Wen entered Bill's room and Tom laid me on the bed. I had just enough energy left to snuggle under the blankets.

"You still awake?" Tom asked after a second. I nodded and he spoke again, "I still want to talk to you. Think we could talk when you're better?"

I nodded again, mostly just so he'd drop it. Leaning down, Tom pressed an airy kiss to my temple. I was happy to feel that it was a brotherly-type kiss more than anything else. He left the room and I let the sleep take over my body, unable to fight it any longer.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

_**A/N: A big thanks to AlienxLove, who is the inspiration for Amanda and also helped me write a good chunk of this chapter (the sex scene). She's got tones of great stories and I think that you should go and read them!**_

…_**.. Now. :3**_

_**Anyway, thanks for reading! Review and Recommend! **___

_**~Rina **_


	9. Talking

Book Three, Chapter nine- "Talking."

Date: July 20th, 2012

Tom's POV

This was really starting to get on my nerves.

As I sipped my morning coffee, I watched Amanda and Bill argue in the corner about leaving me alone with Irene. Both of them had to go somewhere today and their times overlapped just enough for there to be about an hour of time where Irene and I would have to be alone in the house. My twin figured I could stay alone with Irene for the hour but my girlfriend thought it was a bad idea. Both thought I couldn't hear them because I had my headphones in- I guess neither of them realized that I'd stopped listening to my music ten minutes ago.

"I need to go to the studio today." Bill said in a tone that implied his obligation was more important than Amanda's.

"Then take him with you!" Amanda said, gesturing as subtly as possible to me.

"He doesn't need to be there and he knows it! He's not going to get dressed just so he can sit there and watch me sing."

Very true, little brother.

"Then tell him that you need him now."

"I already told him I wouldn't."

"Tell him something changed."

"He'll tell me to fuck off if I tell him that!"

Also true. I sighed and Bill and Amanda stopped for a second, giving me cautious glances. I ignored them as if I didn't notice and just stared out the sliding door as I drank my coffee.

"It's not going to hurt to leave them alone. And anyway, how is you going back to your apartment important, anyway?" Bill asked.

"I'm going to talk to James about an upcoming concert we're doing!"

"Shouldn't Irene be involved in that?"

Amanda scoffed, as if the idea was ridiculous. "Irene doesn't get involved in planning. We plan, tell her the songs she's got to sing and/or play an instrument for, and then she practices. Planning is too stressful for her."

"Do you guys not rehearse?" Bill asked sceptically.

Amanda smiled at Bill in the innocent way that was usually followed by a sweet-sounding sarcastic remark. "No, Billa, we don't rehearse much. Unlike yours and Tom's crappy band, we don't need to rehearse every second before our shows."

My brother rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Amanda, who just smirked at him. I stretched and took out my earbuds, smiling at the two suddenly quiet people in the corner as if I'd heard nothing. I went over to the sink and rinsed out my mug then went into the living room. As I left the kitchen, I heard Bill sigh and say one last thing before I was out of earshot.

"It'll just be an hour, Amanda. Could it really hurt?"

A warm feeling spread through me at that one little statement. It meant that my brother had completely forgiven me for what I'd done. Now the only person left was Irene, who had been avoiding me for the past three days. Whenever I would walk into a room she was in, she would make some kind of excuse and leave. It upset me quite a bit, because I hadn't been trying to drive a wedge between us with the kiss- I had been making an attempt to prove something. As I slumped down on the couch and turned on the flat screen TV, I tried to keep my thoughts away from what I'd done, but found I couldn't. As Bill left the house, I was thinking about what to say to Irene. What would be the appropriate thing to say without digging myself deeper into the pile of shit I'd jumped into? I could tell her that I had been drunk, but that would probably do the deeper digging that I didn't want. Maybe I should just tell her the truth even though it was going to sound bad, especially now that I had Amanda. I exhaled in frustration and went upstairs for a shower. I got undressed as the water warmed up and when I stepped into the bath the water was almost hot enough to burn, but I didn't touch it. The steamy water rolling off my skin felt nice and helped me clear my thoughts.

Half an hour later, I got out of the shower feeling refreshed and ready to talk about anything. I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a navy blue tee-shirt. I took my towel with me downstairs and squeezed water out of my dreads as I made my way to the kitchen for food. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet and was starving. Someone was in the kitchen, as I heard dishes clinking together. Taking a cautious peek into the room, I saw Irene standing in front of the waffle maker, piling homemade waffles onto a plate.

"Want some?" Irene asked without turning around, showing me the plate.

I sat at the island and said yes. Irene slipped two thick waffles onto a clean plate and set it in front me of, avoiding my eyes the whole time. I was glad that she was making an effort to act as normal as possible, but I could tell that she still felt awkward about being in the same room as me when no-one else was around. I didn't want her to feel that way, so I opened my mouth to tell her that I was sorry but shut it again when Irene turned away and went over to the sink to wash the waffle maker's grilling parts. I sighed and stood up as silently as I could, coming up behind the younger girl and gripping the sink on either side of her. Irene stiffened, her knuckles turning white as she grasped the taps tightly.

"Tom…" she started but I interrupted her.

"I'm not trying anything." I assured her. "I just want you to stop dodging me."

"I'm not." Irene said, but I could hear the lie in her trembling voice.

"But you are." I said gently. "You can't stand to be in the same room as me, you won't look at me, you won't touch me…"

"I wouldn't be touching you anyway." Irene muttered.

"I mean hugging and clinging and smacking me when I pissed you off." I smiled a bit at the memories. "I don't want to lose that closeness with you."

Irene was silent. For one fearful second, I thought that she wasn't going to say anything- thought she was going to continue ignoring me for the rest of our lives. I didn't know if I could take that. It had been hard enough not knowing where Irene was for three years, but it would probably be harder if it stayed the way it was now: with her so close to me, but also so distant.

I was so relieved when Irene finally spoke.

"Why did you do it, Tom?" She asked in a faint voice.

Before I answered, I thought carefully about my words. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I chewed on my lip ring nervously, wishing Irene would just turn around so I could see her face. It was always so much easier to know what she was thinking when you could look at her face because she wore her emotions there like a bright shade of lipstick; so easy to see. I tried to turn her myself but she cringed away from me so I gave up, not wanting her to run away because of the fear that we'd never be able to talk alone again. Instead of just giving her a short answer, I decided to tell her not just why I did it, but what had made me even think about doing it in the first place.

"Ever since that night in the treehouse all those years ago, I started getting this weird feeling inside me whenever you were mentioned," I began slowly, "I never really knew what it was and it kind of scared me. I figured it couldn't be any kind of… sexual attraction because, you know, you were nine and that would just be wrong. Also, we just kind of… laid there together, so I honestly didn't know what feelings I was having. I was _really _confused. After about six months of convincing myself that I was just being stupid, those awkward feelings started to ebb away slightly. Bill mentioning you a lot over the five years you were gone made sure that they didn't disappear completely, though." I lowered my voice. "I never forgot you."

"You didn't recognize me when we ran into each other and I got coffee spilled all over me." Irene said.

I chuckled lowly. "That's because you had changed so much. Your hair got curlier," Here, I pulled lightly on one of her corkscrew curls, "You got taller, more… defined." I knew I was toeing the line with that word, but I needed to get it all out now that I'd started, "I still had the image of a child in my brain. I didn't realize it was you until I got home and followed your instructions. I asked Bill and he instantly answered my question, telling me who you were. And then that goddamn feeling came back and I knew I had to talk to you. A couple days after that, you started living with us and the feelings got stronger and stronger. I tried to ignore them, but I couldn't make them go away. Like I said, you weren't a child anymore and I understood that maybe, just maybe, the emotions were a lot less innocent than I played them off as. I even attempted to compare them to the feelings from before, but found they weren't that different. I kept it all a secret, though, because I still thought you were way too young for me to be attracted to you. At least, I tried to keep it a secret. Right before you left, I got a bit tipsy and well-"

I paused, waiting for Irene to let me know that she remembered when I'd cornered her in the basement of my previous house, nearly spilling everything and kissing her. Irene nodded, but still stayed quiet. I thought about what I could say next and, when I knew what to say, I clutched the counter tightly in my hands, suddenly a bit angry.

"And when Bill told me that you and he had started dating three years ago, I got angry. Here I was, trying to respect the age difference and Bill had already snatched you up right from under my nose. Right after Bill told me that you two had been (and were again) together, I seethed in peace, not wanting my passions take over again. "

I sighed, thinking over my next words again. It seemed like I was getting close to what I really needed to say, so each word from now on would be crucial.

"Before I kissed you, I was still horribly confused as to what I was feeling towards you. Did I love you or was it something else? I really couldn't tell. However, after I kissed you, I think I was finally able to sort out my feelings."

Finally, Irene turned in my arms. We were chest to chest now, but she still wasn't looking at me. She had her arms crossed and was looking towards the floor. Instead of trying to get her to look at me, I just continued speaking.

"I think what I feel towards you is definitely love, but not in the way I had originally thought. I think the love I have for you is more something like I have for Bill. What we have is a very twin-like connection; an inseparable bond. I love you so damn much, but I don't want to be _with_ you. Also, I know how much you and Bill love one another and I don't think I could ever take that away from you guys- I care too much about you two to let myself do that."

I dropped my head slightly in an attempt to see Irene's face, but she rotated her head away. It was then that I grasped her chin with the tips of my fingers and forced her to look at me. It shocked me to see that her eyes were wet with unshed tears. She closed her eyes and they spilled over in a waterfall accompanied with small whimpers. I tugged her head to my chest and she cried against my shirt in hiccupping sobs.

"Do you get why I did it now?" I asked gently, stroking her hair. "I needed to understand what I felt towards you. I know now that I don't want you in the same way Bill does, and I'm okay with that. I just want to be able to hold you in my arms the way I am right now and protect you from all the bad things that could happen."

I repeated my earlier action so she would look at me. Her eyes were shining and her pupils were wide as saucers. I brushed the leftover tears from her cheeks with the pad of my thumb.

"I want to be your big brother." I whispered affectionately, "Is that okay?"

A huge, beaming smile appeared on the young girl's face. It made her look like a child again and I smiled back at the sight.

"Yes, Tomi." She said happily. "That's okay."

I exhaled in relief. She had forgiven me. I had been so afraid that she wasn't going to and that we'd have to go through life avoiding each other, but now we wouldn't have to. We hugged tightly, clutching to each other like lifelines.

"I love you." I said quietly. I felt her smile against my chest.

"I love you, too, Tomi."

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Amanda's POV

When I got home, the house was eerily silent. The dogs were laying in the living room, but after a quick search of the whole bottom floor, kitchen and dining room included, I couldn't find Irene and Tom anywhere. I quickly switched my search to the top floor, knowing they had to be in the house somewhere because both of Tom's vehicles were still in the garage. I searched the guest room and the bathroom before I found the two in the last place I ever thought I'd find them.

In Tom's room.

They were curled up face-to-face on the bed, close together, and with Tom's arm thrown over Irene's waist in a protective hold. It was clear that they were both sleeping and I felt a little smile form on my face. The sight remarkably didn't make me angry. It was obvious that this position wasn't anything sexual, but more sibling-like. I decided to leave them alone for now and backed slowly out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind me. I heard the front door open and went downstairs to see Bill coming in the house with his arms full of groceries. He asked where Irene and Tom were and I pointed in the direction of Tom's room. Bill's face seemed mortified until I explained to him what I'd just seen. His expression changed quickly to delight.

"I knew all they needed was some alone time." Bill said smugly. "What do you have to say to me, Amanda dear?"

"Bill, you were right and I was wrong. Happy?"

Bill gave one firm nod and went into the kitchen with his groceries.

Now everything could go back to what counted as normal in this life.


	10. Anniversary, part one

A/N: I posted on my facebook page (Rina Alexis Roy) that I was going to take a little break, but I don't think I am now. Writing is just too important to me to give up. Also, I love you guys too much to leave you hanging. :P So I'm going anywhere. (Cheers!)

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter ten- "Anniversary, part one."

Date: July 22nd, 2012

Bill's POV

__I watched with entertained eyes as my girlfriend interacted with the hoard of children that were currently crowding around her. The smile on her face as she gave toys covered in pretty rainbow-colored wrapping to the kids was so bright and beautiful, more than I've ever seen it before- she obviously loved being around the little children.

A hand fell onto my shoulder and I turned to see Kasey, the owner of the orphanage, watching Irene from behind her brown bangs with the same amazement as I was.

"She's quite something." Kasey said, turning to look at me with sparkling eyes, "You're her boyfriend, right?"

I nodded in response.

"Well I can easily say that you have something really special in her."

"I know," I said with a joyful smile. "Does she do this often?" I gestured to Irene, who was now playing with some of the children and showing them how the mechanical toys worked.

"She tries to come in at least once a week and always brings something for the kids. It's usually sugary snacks and little trinkets but every once in a while she comes up with enough money to buy them some toys. And she's so nice to them! They never want her to leave when her visits are over."

My girlfriend was quite the saint. I looked back over to her. She was getting up from the multi-colored puzzle rug and dusting off her clothes. Some of the kids grasped at her pants and shirt with their tiny fingers, glancing up at her with pleading eyes.

"You're not leaving yet, are you?" A little girl with fair blonde hair and a pink dress asked with wet eyes.

"I'm sorry, Maddie, but I have to." Irene looked almost sad as she said those words. "But I'll be back soon, I promise." She looked out to the other twenty-some kids that were there, "Now, babes, what's the rule with the toys again?"

"Share with everyone, or don't play at all." The children chorused automatically in their high-pitched voices.

Irene nodded, satisfied, and made her way over to where Kasey and I were standing. She looped her arm through mine and gazed at me questioningly. I knew she was curious about my amused stare, but I decided not to explain it and instead questioned her about the kids' attraction to her.

"They love me." She said confidently. "It helps that I spoil them."

Kasey rolled her eyes. "She really does. Nothing is too expensive for Irene when it comes to these kids."

I opened my mouth to speak but was interrupted by the little blonde girl who had asked if Irene was leaving. Maddie pulled shyly at Irene's shirt, signalling for her to bend down to the girl's level. Irene did so and kept completely still as the young child whispered into Irene's ear. She listened for a second, and then her face brightened as she glanced up at me with a smirk. Irene yanked on my shirt and I went down to the floor as well.

"Go ahead, Maddie, ask him. He doesn't bite." Irene said encouragingly, nudging the girl closer to me.

The little blonde fiddled with the hem of her dress and it was so adorable that she was so shy. "Are you Bill Kauwitz?" She asked timidly, glancing up at me through her eyelashes.

I smiled kindly at her cute mispronunciation and nodded. "I am."

Maddie smiled at the confirmation and turned towards Kasey. "Can you take a picture for Awwie?"

Kasey tensed at the question but nodded all the same. She disappeared into a side office and reappeared a second later with a tiny, silver digital camera and told Maddie to go closer to me. When the girl didn't move, Irene gently pushed her by the shoulder until she was right next to me. Before the picture was taken, Irene whispered something in Maddie's ear then stepped away. Kasey raised the camera to her eye and just as she snapped the picture, the little girl turned her head and kissed my cheek. I was used to keeping a straight face during sneaked kisses, so my smile never faltered. Maddie thanked me brightly and then followed Kasey into the office to print the picture. Maddie came back out and asked me to sign the printed picture, which I did happily. We said goodbye to the two people and the rest of the children then left the building. Once we were in my Audi and a little ways from the building, I asked Irene was that had been about.

"Maddie's older sister, Ally, is a Tokio Hotel fan, so she wanted a picture for her." Irene said, her voice sounding distant.

"But there's something else, isn't there?" I prodded cautiously.

Irene pursed her lips tightly and exhaled through her nose. "Maddie and Ally were picked up by Kasey a couple years ago. They girls had been bruised, dirty, hungry and scared of anything that moved. Nobody knows what happened to the two, but Ally had been much weaker than her sister and everybody figures that Ally had taken care of her sister a bit too much and neglected herself. But long story short is that Ally was admitted to the hospital shortly after they entered the orphanage. Nobody knows what is wrong with her but she doesn't have enough energy to stay awake. It's only when Maddie goes to visit that Ally forces herself to stay awake. It'll mean a lot to Ally that her sister got a picture with you just for her."

I took one hand off the steering wheel and took Irene's hand in mine. "It was so amazing to watch you interact with those kids."

"Yeah?" Irene said with a blush.

"Uh huh. It was obvious you really cared for them."

"Well I kind of know what it's like to be alone like that so…" Irene's voice faded and I knew that she was thinking about her mother. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it. Irene sighed but I saw out of the corner of my eye that she attempted to smile, though it was failed.

"I used to visit your mother all the time, you know. She was doing really well when I left Germany." I said consolingly. "She even hit me once."

Irene spluttered out a laugh and I felt a proud feeling run through me.

"That doesn't surprise me with Mom." The smile on her face weakened slightly, "Do you think she'll ever wake up?"

We had just pulled into the parking lot of the club Irene's band was playing at tonight. I parked the car and immediately leaned over to pull Irene into a loving kiss. She kissed back demandingly and I knew that she wanted to do something that would take her mind off her mother but I pushed her away gently. There were tears streaming down her cheeks and I wiped them away with the sleeve of my shirt, and then brushed her hair away from her face.

"She'll wake up eventually, Bean."

Irene shook her head. "You don't know that." She said in a low voice and turned away from me, "Sometimes, I just feel like calling up the doctors and telling them to pull the plug; to end it all."

"Oh, Bean, don't think like that." I cupped her face in my hands. "You can't ever give up. Dawna is a strong woman; she will get through this. I know it, okay?"

After a moment of careful consideration, Irene nodded. "Okay..." She sounded a bit breathless.

"Good. Now listen to me," I pulled away from her to give her some space to breathe. "I'm coming to get you right after you're done the concert, so don't fall behind."

I grinned at her to show that I was teasing. A smirk formed on her face, "I can't control if the crowd wants more of me, Billi."

I went back closer to her. "Try. It's bad enough that I have to give up taking you out for dinner because of this gig."

Instead of answering, Irene gave me a short kiss. "Bill, I'm trying to make a name for Midnight Sun. I can't do that if I run off as soon as I finish the last song. You, of all people, should know what that's like."

"Yeah, I guess. But can you still try? For me?"

We shared another sweet kiss. "I suppose I could." Irene said against my lips. "But I have to go now. I'll see you later."

"Okay." I said, "Love you."

Irene returned the words and hopped out of the car and ran towards the building. I watched her go inside and then drove off to the hotel I was renting a room from to get everything ready. Even though I had a good two and a half hours until Irene would be free to be swept away, I wanted to start early so everything would be nearly perfect. Not just for her, but for both of us. After everything we've been though, I think we deserved a night just for us.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Two and a half hours later…

The club was dark, stuffy, and smelled like BO. Not pleasant at all, but Irene had texted me a few minutes ago saying that she might have to help carry equipment after the show and I was hoping to steal her away before she could get the chance to help. I weaved my way through the sweaty bodies on the dance floor and hid myself in the corner near the stage. Right then, Irene's band was finishing up one song and guitars and drums were being put away and replaced with a set of turntables.

"Hey, guys." Irene said to the crowd with a sheepish smile. "Tonight, we're going to try something new. Our drummer, Amy, is learning how to use the turntables, so we want to see if we can replicate a famous song. Is that okay?"

The crowd vocalized their approval of the idea and Irene smiled happily. An Asian girl with shoulder-length black hair stood at the turntables, a pair of headphones on her head as she tested the different sounds on the machine in front of her. She managed to play out a small beat and gave Irene a thumbs up. Irene nodded at her and replaced the mic in her hand with a wireless one that went into her ear.

"Ready?" She asked the crowd, whose responsive cheers seemed to make the whole room rumble.

I had a feeling that most of the people in this club were only here to see Midnight Sun. Irene's band was lucky to have such a fan base so early in their career; only bands that were _really _talented could pull that off. The music started and I focused all my attention on the way Irene moved to the beat, swinging her hips slightly to the start of the song.

"_Docta docta, need you back home, baby_

_Docta Docta, where you at?_

_Give me something_

_I need your love, I need your love_

_I need your loving_

_You got that kind of medicine that keeps me comin'"_

Amanda and Midnight Sun's red-headed guitarist appeared and Irene grinned at them. I was shocked when they all broke out into some kind of complicated dance routine. Even then, Irene never missed a note in the lyrics.

My body needs a hero, come and save me

_Something tells me you know how to save me_

_I've been feeling weird, oh!_

Oh, I need you to come and rescue me!

_Make me come alive, come on and turn me on_

_Touch me, save my life, come on and turn me on_

_I'm too young to die, come on and turn me on_

_Turn me on, turn me on_

_Turn me on, turn me on"_

Just as she started to repeat the course of the song, Irene spotted me standing in the corner. I wiggled my fingers at her in a teasing wave and she smirked slightly between the words she was signing. Nobody noticed our little exchange but Amanda, who gave Irene a look that said she was silently suggesting something. Irene seemed to know what that something was because she bobbed her head a little in a nod. Irene stopped singing for a second and jumped off the stage and into the crowd. People applauded and reached out to touch Irene as she started the next verse of the song. I swallowed hard as she slinked towards me in a way that was so seductive that I didn't know what to do.

"_Oh, you make it, make it right_

_My temperature is super high_

_If I scream, if I cry_

_It's only 'cause I feel alive!"_

Irene finally stopped right in front of me and slung her arms around my neck. Unconsciously, I wrapped my own arms around her waist. It was a habit of mine now; whenever she hugged me, my arms would go straight for her small waist protectively. This close to her, I could see the makeup that covered the love bites I would leave on her neck whenever we got some alone time. Hopefully tonight, I would get to leave even more than just a hickey; _hopefully, _I would get to leave a memory neither of us would ever be able to forget. Irene sang the next part of the song just to me, ignoring the gazes of the crowd behind her.

"_My body needs a hero, come and save me_

_Something tells me you know how to save me_

_I've been feeling weird, oh!_

_Oh, I need you to come and rescue me"_

As she sang, her face and body had gotten closer and closer to mine. Our lips were just inches apart and I seriously thought she was going to kiss me right in front of all these people- until she pushed me away. It was a gentle, playful push that had me grinning. She grinned back and sashayed away, going back towards the stage to finish the song. I expected almost all the people to stare at me, but was surprised to find that only a couple people were casting me suspicious glances. The rest of the horde were either too busy dancing to notice what Irene had been doing, or too caught up in watching Irene back on the stage to even spare me a second glance.

However, one of the people who were staring at me broke away from the mass of dancers. I kept a straight face as the girl who looked to be only a couple years younger than me came towards my corner. She had black hair that reached just a little past her shoulders with red on her bangs and at the tips of her hair. The girl had snake-bites in her lip, her eyebrow pierced, and an earring in her left ear that had a chain that went from the top of the ear to the lobe, connecting each end with a rainbow stud.

"Hi there." She said with a friendly smile.

"Hi." I replied with a polite smile of my own.

"So, I just had a question for you, if that's okay." The girl went straight to the point, eyeing me curiously. I told her to ask the question and she beamed at the thought that I might actually answer it. "I was wondering if you and Irene were dating. Because I like Tokio Hotel AND Midnight Sun and that would just be amazing if my two idols were going out with each other."

I studied the girl's eager face silently. She seemed innocent enough, but Irene and I hadn't talked about revealing our relationship to the public yet so I didn't know if my girlfriend would be okay with me telling this random fan about what we had. Therefore, even though I knew it would deflate the bubble of hope and happiness I could feel coming off this younger girl, I shook my head at her. Her pierced face fell.

"Really?" She asked sadly.

"Sorry, but Irene and I are just friends."

The girl sighed. "Okay. Thanks for answering the question. But before I go, could you sign this?"

She held out a sharpie and a Midnight Sun poster, which I flipped over to the blank side and quickly signed my name on. The girl thanked me and went back into the crowd to her friends. She showed them the posted and they all shone with jealousy. Before any more of them could come over, I slipped farther into the shadows and made my way towards the door to backstage; I snuck up behind Irene (who had finished singing while I was talking to that girl) and threw my arms around her. She squeaked in shock and tilted her head back to look at her attacker and glaring when she saw that it was me.

"Time to go!" I said cheerfully.

"I need to help them!" Irene replied, pointing to where Amanda and the guy named James were transporting speakers and guitars from the edge of the stage to the backdoor.

Both Amanda and James turned to us. Just as Amanda said "No, you don't" with a smirk on her face, James glared at me and said "Yes, you do." Irene shot a wide-eyed scowl at James that she tried (and failed) to hide. James merely shrugged and walked away. Amanda sighed.

"Ignore him." The blonde said, "He's just being a grouch. You can take Irene away, Bill; we don't need her."

I smiled and said thanks to Amanda as I dragged Irene out from backstage. We pushed through the dancers that were now enjoying the DJ on the stage. Irene was stopped a few times for people to tell her that she had been amazing onstage and so she could sign posters, notebooks, shirts, and even skin. The black-and-red headed girl was one of the people who stopped us. She held out the poster I had signed and told Irene to sign her name next to mine. Irene raised an eyebrow at my name but signed under it. Before she gave the poster back, she drew a curvy plus sign between our names and an equals under her name. At first, I thought she was going to counteract my lie by putting something about love under our now connected names, but I laughed lightly as she wrote BFFL. This seemed to please the pierced girl because she giggled like a twelve-year-old and thanked Irene with a huge hug. Irene smiled kindly at her and I took Irene's hand again as we finally got out of the building and went towards my Audi.

"I can't believe we have a shared fan!" Irene said a little too loudly for the little space. I didn't tell her to lower her voice, though, because I knew she was probably on some kind of post-show high. I used to get that way, too. Sometimes still do.

"It was pretty awesome." I agreed honestly. Before I pulled out of the parking lot, I took a water bottle out from the overnight bag in the back seat and handed it to the breathless girl beside me.

"Oh, thank god!" Irene kissed me on the cheek in thanks and gulped down half the bottle in one shot. When she spoke again, the volume of her voice was a lot more bearable. "I usually don't need a lot of water after a show, but that last song took a lot of energy to do."

Slowly, I left the club parking lot and turned right down the busy street towards the hotel where I had booked a room. "Yeah that was… quite the performance."

Irene grinned mischievously at me. "Did you like it, Billi?"

Our hands seemed to find each other on their own accord as I turned away from the road for just a second to flash a smile at Irene. "Yes, very much so."

"Were you disappointed when I didn't kiss you?" Irene chuckled.

I pretended to think about it. "Maybe a little. But it would have been harder to lie to that girl if you had."

"Her name is Karma. She is a really big fan of Midnight Sun. Comes to all my shows, is in the audience for most of the interviews I've done. Also, her phone background is a picture of me, her, and Amanda." I could see the joy in Irene's face as she talked about the girl. Irene was obviously glad to have such a fan.

"I think you're getting really famous. Damn, how'd you do it so fast?"

Irene laughed. "No idea. Especially considering the band sucked when we first started out a year ago." When I gave Irene a disbelieving look, she shook her head. "No, seriously, we did. My voice couldn't hit high or low notes and Amanda and Lucy's hands would slip from the strings of their instruments sometimes. The only one who didn't suck was Amy."

"So where does that Latino guy fit in here?" I asked hesitantly. I was curious about that guy, but didn't want to push Irene to talk about him if she didn't want to. But apparently she didn't mind because she told me about him openly.

"James is kind of like our manager. He books gigs, organizes interviews, and other manager-like stuff." I saw Irene bite her lip when I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. "He's like a brother to me, but he's really protective. Next time he glares at you, just give him the finger."

"I knew he didn't like me."

"It's not that. Like I said, he's protective like an older brother would be. And when the little sister gets a boyfriend…"

"The older brother threatens to skin him." I finished with an eye roll.

We got to the hotel and parked in a space behind the building. Irene unbuckled and leaned over so she could kiss me.

"Don't mind James." She said quietly, "In fact, just forget about him. I don't want to think about anything other than us tonight, okay?"

"My thoughts exactly." I answered. We kissed again, but I pulled away quickly. "Let's go in, now. I'm excited to see what you'll think about what I put together for us."

"Should I be scared?" Irene asked with a smirk.

"Not at all."


	11. Anniversary, part two

_**A/N: It was so nicely pointed out to me that I forgot the 'not' in my last Author's Note, so let me repeat this: I am NOT going anywhere. Just thought I'd clarify that. ;) Sorry if this chapter sucks. I think my writer's block is coming back so I'm having a hard time letting the words come out, but I'll still try my best to update.**_

_**Also, this fairly LONG chapter is rated M!**_

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter eleven- "Anniversary, part two."

Date: July 22nd, 2012

_**Irene's POV**_

Blindfolded and being led down a hallway by Bill. It felt like my fourteenth birthday all over again. I stuck my hands out in front of me, in case Bill decided to run me into a wall. I knew he probably wouldn't, but who knows what goes on in Bill's head.

"Still don't trust me, I see." Bill said into my ear, his breath tickling my neck and making me shudder.

"Don't take it personally; I don't trust _anyone_ when I'm blindfolded."

Bill just chuckled and continued to lead me down the hall. He had blindfolded me in the elevator on the way up, which struck me as odd because I'd already seen where we were; so what was the big deal about seeing the fifth floor hallway? When I had tried to question Bill on it, he just shushed me and pulled me into a kiss. That had stopped my complaining quickly until the kiss had stopped; then my curiosity had come back again. Even now, as we walked down this seemingly endless hallway, I was so freaking puzzled that it took all that I had to keep my mouth shut and not question my boyfriend's motives.

"Are we there yet?" I asked, sounding a lot like a child on a road trip.

"Yes." Bill answered as he stopped me.

I stood there and felt Bill brush past me. The sound of a card being slid into a lock was heard, and then the little buzz to say that the door was open. Bill took my hand and pulled me inside the room with him. The door clicked shut behind me and the clinking of the chain sliding across the door made me shiver. I couldn't pinpoint exactly why the noise had done that to me, but I had a feeling that it was my nervousness finally taking over. Being alone with Bill like this shouldn't scare me, but it kind of did. I knew what this night could possibly lead to and it frightened me a little. It wasn't that I wasn't ready for it; it was more the fear of disappointing Bill. What if I did something wrong? Or said something wrong? What if I was horrible? What if—

"Stop thinking." Bill said, obviously sensing my nervousness as he came up behind me and started untying the fabric that was around my head- but instead of letting it fall, Bill put his hand over my eyes to make it stay in place. "Ready?" He asked quietly.

I nodded my head anxiously. Bill moved his hand away, taking the black cloth with him. Slowly, I cracked open my eyes, gasping when I saw the scene before me. The beige-colored room was obviously one of the hotel's suites. There was a large, king-sized bed to my right with a lamp on its bedside table that bathed the room in a golden glow. There was a kitchenette to my left that was separated from the rest of the room by a low half wall. A white door also to my left was shut, but there was a little bit of light shining out from under the door and I guessed that it was the bathroom. The thing that was most remarkable was the wall right in front of me, which wasn't a wall at all, but a floor-to-ceiling window that revealed a beautiful view. My jaw dropped slightly and I slipped my shoes off and stepped towards the window. Even though we were only on the fifth floor, the hotel sat on top of a rather large hill and the two heights combined gave an impressive view of LA and its many lights. The view combined with the warm atmosphere in the room made me relax significantly. On second thought, it was nice to alone with Bill like this. It would be nice to have a break from everyone for a night and God knows we both needed it.

One of Bill's hands wrapped around my waist and he pulled me back against his body. I reclined against him and tilted my head up to look at him. He smiled at me and bowed his head so he could capture my lips with his own. We only kissed for a second before Bill pulled away again.

"I have a couple more surprises. Close your eyes." I did as I was told and waited as Bill leaned away for a second. As I heard the rustling of tissue paper, I figured that Bill had picked something up and was proven right when he pressed something into my hands. "Okay, open your eyes."

I blinked open my eyes to see a bouquet of about a dozen sapphire blue primroses with a ruby red gem in the centre of each flower wrapped in a deep red tissue paper. One could tell by first glance that the flowers were fake, but there was an obvious reason for it; on the edge of each of the five petals on all of the flowers, there was something written in black fabric paint. I squinted at each petal, trying to read the words. I found the following repeated on each flower: _Ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen, Alte Liebe rostet nicht, Die Liebe wächst mit der Entfernung, Die Liebe besiegt alles, _and _Ohne dich kann ich nicht leben._ Reading each phrase over again just to make sure I had translated right, I sniffled and smiled happily. I threw my arms around Bill and pulled him into a passionate kiss. This kiss was longer than the last and I put all my feelings and thanks into this one, as well. Bill was the one to pull away again.

"One more." He whispered, handing me an envelope. I tore it open and removed a plain white card with a simple red heart on the front of it. Mine and Bill's names were scribbled inside the heart in Bill's weird handwriting. Inside the card was more of Bill's handwriting in poem form.

_Dû bist mîn, ich bin dîn._

_des solt dû gewis sîn._

_dû bist beslozzen_

_in mînem herzen;_

_verlorn ist das sluzzelîn:_

_dû muost ouch immer darinne sîn._

After a second of thought, I said the only thing that came to my mind: "You're such a sap."

Bill chuckled softly and pulled me back against him. This time, we just hugged and Bill whispered in my ear, "I'm so glad to have you back."

I opened my mouth to reply, but I was cut off by a growling sound that came from my stomach. It was so loud that I was sure any neighbors we may have probably heard it. Bill laughed again and walked away from me to go to the fridge in the kitchenette. I sat down at the little table by the large window and waited as Bill brought over a plate with a solid cover in it, making it so I couldn't see what was inside. I reached for the plate but Bill gently slapped my hand away. He gave me a look that I knew all too well and I sighed, closing my eyes as I knew he wanted me to. I heard the plate's cover being lifted up and Bill tapped my chin, so I opened my mouth and let him place something on my tongue. A bite into the hard shell released a juice that was a bit sweeter than the shell itself. It took a second for my taste buds to register the taste of strawberry and chocolate but when they did, my eyes shot open as I swallowed the yummy treat. On the plate was more chocolate covered strawberries, along with some plain strawberries, some apple, and pineapple; my favorite.

"I know you don't like to eat a lot after one of your shows, but I thought a small snack wouldn't hurt."

"This is amazing. Thank you." I smiled at Bill again, suddenly feeling a bit shy for some unknown reason. Maybe it was that anxiety that I would do something wrong again. I tried to cover my nervousness by reaching for a piece of pineapple, but I already knew I was busted because Bill reached over and put his hand over mine.

"Seriously, you need to stop over thinking things." He said as he moved his chair closer to mine.

"How can you tell what I'm thinking?" I asked a bit irritably.

"Because I know you; you get this faraway look on your face when you're nervous or overthinking something." Bill slung his arm across the back of my chair and started to play with my hair. "You know you don't need to be nervous, right? I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to."

I sighed and lowered my head. "I know."

"Then why are you so afraid?"

I opened my mouth to say something; I wasn't sure exactly what though, so I shut it again. Instead, I just shrugged as an answer to Bill's question. He shook his head and I covered my face with my hands in shame. Even I didn't really know the answer as to why I was so afraid and panicky about tonight. Yes, there was the whole _I could do something wrong_ thing, but I felt that there was something else that was hidden deep inside me- something that even I couldn't understand, even though it was my own feelings. However, I decided to tell Bill of my fear of doing something wrong just so I could give him _something _to work from. With my hands still over my face, I stuttered though a short explanation of my fear and then quieted quickly so Bill could process what I had said.

"I don't think there's anything you could do wrong." Bill said after a minute of silence.

"Sure there is." I insisted.

"Like what?"

"Well there's…" I stopped dead in my words, cursing myself because I couldn't think of anything. "There's… the fact that I could be _really_ bad at _it..._"

Bill wrapped his hands around my wrists and pulled my hands away from my face. "You're not going to be bad."

"How do you know?" I mumbled, looking away from Bill so he wouldn't see my blushing face.

As a reply, Bill scooped me up out of my chair and kissed me, all in one swift motion. I gasped at the quick contact and Bill took the opportunity my shock gave him to slip his tongue into my mouth and press me against the window. He rested one hand on my waist and the other on my butt, squeezing gently. My eyes fluttered shut unconsciously and I tangled my hands in Bill's hair. A small moan formed in the back of my throat. I tried really hard to keep the moan down, but my hard work was thrown away when Bill moved away from my lips and started kissing my neck, expertly avoiding any spot where I had used makeup to cover up any previous love bites. The hand on my waist moved up my back, its touches light and barely there until it got to my shoulder. There, Bill pressed his fingertips into my shoulder and I hissed involuntarily. Bill pulled away and moved his other and up to join the first.

"I'm not tense because I'm nervous," I told him before he could speak, "I get like this sometimes after gigs where I move around too much."

Bill hummed and nodded, rubbing circles into my shoulders, "Good thing I planned for this."

He smirked at my questioning look and disappeared through that white door for a second, then beckoned me inside. I walked through the doorway to find myself in an enormous and luxurious bathroom. The walls were a yellow-gold color that was even prettier in the low light of the lamps hanging over the sink. To my left was a shower cubical and to my right a huge square-shaped Jacuzzi tub that was filled with obviously very hot water… and bubbles! I couldn't help but grin at the sight; I _loved_ Jacuzzi tubs.

"Think a nice, hot bath will loosen up your muscles?" Bill asked lowly.

I stared at the bath for a second, and then smirked. "Only if you join me."

The look that crossed Bill's face was pure delight as he nodded and I couldn't help but laugh. I slithered up to Bill and leaned up on my tiptoes for what seemed like the thousandth smooch that night. He fingered the hem of my black, lacy tank; I took the hint and lifted my arms so he could pull it off. Next, he unfastened my bra and I pulled away so it could drop to the floor. This was where I got a wee bit nervous. Bill may have seen me naked three years ago, but I hadn't been in control of the situation then; I was now, and I was a bit hesitant about having Bill undress me. Luckily, he seemed to sense what was wrong and backed up a bit, turning around as he took off his shirt. I quickly unbuttoned my jeans and took them off, sliding my underwear with them. I toed the clothes into the corner and climbed over the side of the tub into the hot water. Its temperature was at that point where you could just barely stand it. The water reached a little past my hips when I stood on the bottom of the tub and past my chest when I sat down on the built in seat. I closed my eyes and the heat seeped into my body, relaxing my tensed muscles almost instantly.

I heard the water splash a little and I slowly opened my eyes. Bill was just getting in and I admired the full view of his backside silently; it was a nice butt. Bill turned his head and caught me staring. He gave me a teasing glare before his eyes flicked down to something behind me. He pressed a button and the tub's jets turned on- and I was sitting almost on top of one. A rush of water blasted into the small of my back and I squeaked, jumping away and right into Bill's arms.

"Oh, you asshole." I muttered.

"You were staring at my ass."

I rolled my eyes. "You liked it."

Bill just smiled and adjusted our position so I was sitting between his legs. Before I could question him, he pushed his thumbs into my shoulder blades and moved them around gently. He used the rest of his fingers to massage the top of my shoulders, near my neck, and I immediately melted under his tender touch. I couldn't help it when small moans and groans slipped out of my mouth as he worked his fingers down to the small of my back and then upwards again. When Bill's touches became less of a massage and more of just rubbing my back, I knew he had somehow worked all the post-show knots out of my muscles- something no-one else had been able to do before. I relaxed against my boyfriend and he wrapped his arms loosely around my waist and started to trace random patterns on my hipbones.

"Why are you so tiny?" He asked in a low voice.

I hesitated slightly. "Does it really matter?"

"Yes." Bill said firmly, showing that he wanted an answer.

I sighed. "I'm a recovering anorexic."

Bill gasped, his arms tightening around me. "Bean! Why?"

"My body got really awkward about a year after I left Germany. Fat went to some places, but not the others. I was shaped like some kind of disfigured pear; I hated it. So I started starving myself and Amanda would constantly have to shove food down my throat- literally. I've been getting counselling for it at the same time as my MPD therapy and I'm getting better but... it's hard..." I paused, not really sure why I was sharing this all at once, especially in this compromising position, but I continued regardless, "Sometimes, I still hate how I look and just looking at most foods makes my stomach twist. I'm trying though, I really am. Want to know why?"

Bill nodded. I laid my head on his shoulder and glanced up at him through my lashes.

"For you; for _us_. I want to be happy with you again, so I'm trying to get better- both mentally and physically."

"I'm glad you are, but why don't you tell me these things until I prod for them?"

I turned my head away from Bill's face. "You have enough on your plate with the new album work and stuff; I didn't want to pile my problems on top of that."

With a small sigh, Bill moved out from behind me and sat beside me so we would be facing each other. He brought his hand up out of the water and stroked my cheek leasiurly. We stayed this way for a few minutes, just staring at each other. Then, Bill spoke.

"It doesn't matter how busy I am, I'll always make time to help you when you need it. So no matter what's happening in your life, I want you to tell me about it. Okay?"

Because I couldn't think of anything to say, I just nodded. That seemed to make Bill happy. He leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back as he wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into his lap. I could feel _everything_, but instead of blushing like I would usually do, I pressed closer and made the move to deepen the kiss; I parted my lips slightly and Bill took the hint and started poking around with his tongue. Much to his surprise (and my own), I battled with him for dominance. Eventually, Bill won, but I could tell that our little battle had turned him on. His breath was getting shallower and his hands were starting to wander. Also, there was a certain hardness that was poking up in between us and it was very hard to miss. I reached one hand down into the water and wrapped it around Bill's manhood, giving it a tight squeeze. Bill broke the kiss with a gasp and threw his head back as I pumped my hand up and down, teasing him with a slow pace. As I did that, he attacked my neck with open-mouthed kisses that sometimes turned into tiny bites. I tangled the fingers of my free hand into his hair, moaning lightly.

"S-St-stop." Bill gritted out as he sat up straight.

I blinked at him, confused, and he chuckled, gesturing to the water around us. It was just then I noticed that the bubbles were all gone and the water was getting cold. My body shivered at the new feeling.

"The bed is warmer, you know." Bill said gently.

"Probably." I said with a small laugh. "But can I just... have a second alone?"

"Of course." Bill got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around his waist. "Just don't be long."

I promise him that I wouldn't be, thanked him for the towel he sat on the side of the tub for me, and waited until the bathroom door shut behind him. Then, I reached for a facecloth and a bar of soap and washed every part of my body. I wanted to be totally clean for this. After I was done washing, I pulled the plug in the tub and got out. I finger-combed my hair so it looked half decent and wrapped the towel around my body. When I finally emerged from the bathroom, I found Bill sitting on the edge of the bed with the towel still around his waist. He was fiddling with something in his hand and when I leaned to the left a bit to see what it was, I froze.

"I just remembered something…" I muttered. Bill turned to me and gazed questioningly. I pointed to the foil package in his hand. "I'm allergic to latex."

Bill's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Well, I can't die from it, or anything." I said as I sat next to Bill on the bed. "But I do get these little itchy lumps wherever it touches and…. Not a reaction I'd like to have _down there._"

"So what are we going to do, then?" He asked, throwing the condom onto the table by the window.

"Well…" I bit my lip, "I'm on birth control, you know."

Bill slung his arm around my shoulder and tugged me against his side. "I don't want to risk it, babe."

"Come on, Bill." I raised up onto my knees so I could be face to face with him. "Midnight Sun is getting busier every day and so are you and Tom; we aren't going to get alone time like this again. Also, if we wait any longer, I'm just going to get nervous again."

All Bill did was stare at me, keeping his mouth shut. This was a bit of a good sign, because it meant that he was thinking about what I said.

"Is there something other than pregnancy you're worried about?" I asked. "Are you worried you're... not clean?"

Bill shook his head quickly. "No, I know I am; I wasn't going to do anything if I thought I had a disease or anything."

"And, again, I'm on birth control, so what are you worried about?"

Bill went silent again. I sighed and crawled into his lap, draping my arms around his neck and letting the towel drop to my waist. I pulled him into a kiss that he returned uncertainly. The uncertainness made me huff and pull away from him.

"Please, Billi…?" I cooed faintly. "I really want to do this…"

My boyfriend fiddled with his lip ring thoughtfully, and then he placed his hands on my bare hips and turned us over so he was on top of me and I was resting against the pillows. I blinked at him hopefully, wondering if he had given in. The fact that I really wanted to do this wasn't a lie, but I didn't want him to think that he had to just because I had asked. Bill swooped down and pressed a short kiss to my lips.

"Are you sure?" Bill asked quietly, running his finger down my side. I shivered at the motion and nodded.

With my consent, Bill leaned down and kissed me again while continuing to caress my side. The kiss deepened quickly but I didn't battle for dominance this time. I just wanted to enjoy this now. Bill discarded both of our towels by throwing them off the bed. After that, he broke the kiss and started leaving light kisses on an especially sensitive spot on my jaw bone, right below my ear. I inhaled sharply and slid my hand down Bill's back, receiving a shudder as a response. He moved down my body and sucked a breast into his mouth, gently lapping at the delicate area. I moaned and laid my forehead against his shoulder. Bill took his attention away from my breast and kissed my lips instead. While we kissed, I reached between us and took his erection in my hand so I could stroke it. Bill sighed pleasurably against my mouth. I could feel it as he got hard again in my hands and when it did, Bill slowly glided his hand down between my legs, putting just a little bit of pressure against my crotch. I whimpered in desire at the gesture, a wave of pleasure washing through me. Bill took my sound as good (which it was) and moved lower, thrusting the tip of his index finger inside of me. Instinctively, my body clenched and I closed my legs around Bill's arm.

"None of that, now." Bill tutted softly. He sat back on his knees and used his other hand to pry open my legs. I apologized, but Bill just smiled. "No need to be sorry, Bean. Is it okay?"

"Uh huh…" was all I managed to get out.

I threw my head back as Bill began to thrust his finger in and out; it felt so good. Eventually, Bill added a second finger and pushed his fingers up further, hitting a spot that made me release a loud moan I'm sure the whole hotel could hear. I tugged on Bill's free arm so he would come back down to me and I could kiss him. Bill rolled his tongue around in my mouth and it kept me silent as he continued thrusting his fingers in and out. Soon, I was panting harshly. I could feel the familiar pressure building up in my abdomen and I closed my leg again, this time to make a point.

"If you keep doing that…" I said breathlessly. I tried to finish my sentence, but it didn't want to come out. Thankfully, though, Bill seemed to get it and pulled his fingers out. This was it: the moment of truth.

Bill gave me another kiss, this one very loving. "I promise to be gentle."

"I know."

With that, Bill sat back up and positioned himself by placing his hands on my hips and pulling me closer to him. I closed my eyes tightly and sucked in a breath. Bill bucked his hips a little and pushed inside. I groaned through my teeth in slight pain; it was a lot bigger than his fingers and it hurt a bit. Bill stopped and I opened my eyes to find him glancing worriedly at me, but I just moved my hips, silently telling him to go on. He did, moving in inch by inch until nearly all of it was in. There, he stopped to allow me to get used to it.

"Just tell me when to move, babe." He said as he rubbed soothing circles into the lower part of my tummy. I didn't say anything and just took some deep breaths. After a minute or so, I pushed my hips forward experimentally. It didn't hurt as much and I pushed a bit further. That thrust sent a little bit of pleasure through me and I moaned.

"I think I'm good." I said.

Bill nodded and started to move his hips again. He pulled out and pushed back in, slowly and gently. My body was still kind of getting used to having something inside me, but it didn't hurt anymore and I soon found myself moving my hips to meet Bill's thrusts halfway. He bit his lip to hold back his moan and leaned down to snake his tongue back into my mouth, plunging his tongue in and out in time with his hips movement. I was surprised with myself on how calm I was keeping during this; I always thought I'd never be able to have sex because of the way intimate situations made me uncomfortable, but this was astonishingly easy for me.

Suddenly, Bill changed his angle and hit that same spot he had with his fingers. Another loud moan got away from me and I wrapped my arms around Bill's neck tightly, who did the same thing in return but added a little something; he flipped over so I was sitting on top of him. The new position allowed him to be deeper inside of me.

"Oh god…" I gasped out with pleasure.

I twisted my hips slowly, earning a very vocal praise from the man under me. I realized that I was in control now and could do whatever I wanted, so I decided to make the pace a little faster- something I knew Bill would never do in fear of hurting me. I put my hands on Bill's stomach for balance and used my legs to push myself up a little, then let myself fall back down quickly. Bill groaned and I repeated the action, going faster each time. Soon, both our moans were filling the room and I could feel the pressure inside of me building up. Obviously, Bill could tell I was close to climax because he sat up, wrapping his arms around the small of my back and taking over. I was stunned when he kept the quick pace.

"_He must be close, too." _I thought to myself.

Bill whined, a sound that came from low in his throat. I could tell he was trying to hold back, waiting for me to release first. It took a couple more thrusts, but the pressure finally exploded and I buried my face in Bill's shoulder to muffle the loud sound of my pleasured sigh. Soon after, Bill gripped my hips harshly and thrust hard into me, his body going stiff as I felt him release his hot fluid into me. He made no attempt to muffle his moan and I giggled a bit at it. We sat there, unmoving for a second with him still buried inside me as we tried to catch our breaths. However, our sweaty bodies were starting to stick together, so Bill lifted me off his lap and, very tenderly, laid me down on the bed.

Now that I was empty again and the pleasure was gone, I felt a bit sleepy. I covered my mouth as I yawned widely. A small shuffle had me freezing in curiosity. I glanced down between my legs and squeaked.

"Blood…" I whimpered. I knew I would bleed a little afterwards, but there was a bit more than I had expected and I really didn't like the sight of blood. I paled and gulped.

"It's okay." Bill said soothingly, holding up one of our thrown away towels and wiping the blood off of me. I blushed and tried to tell him that he didn't have to do that, but he just shushed me. When he was done cleaning me and himself up, he pulled the blankets out from under me and pulled them over the both of us. I snuggled against him and he pulled me closer with his arm, kissing the top of my head.

"Thank you, Billi." I mumbled sleepily. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bean."

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

_**A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. It was harder to write than I thought! . For those who don't speak German, here are the translations for Bill's wonderful surprises. On the flowers were written: **_**I love you with all my heart, true love never dies, absence makes the heart grow fonder, love conquers all, and I can't live without you.**

_**The poem was the following:**_

**You are mine, I am yours**

**Be sure of that**

**You are locked inside**

**My heart**

**Gone is the key**

**You have to stay forever in there.**

_**I do speak German, but not fluently, so these translations may have a word wrong here and there, but they grasp the basic concept. **_


	12. Oh, shit

Book Three, Chapter twelve- "Oh, shit."

Date: August 19th, 2012

"Eww…" I murmured as I glanced gingerly at the contents that I'd just expelled from my stomach. Barely holding back a gag, I flushed the toilet and walked back into the bedroom.

For the past few weeks, I noticed that I'd be sick a lot during the day- and I mean _a lot_. There seemed to be no break in my nausea, especially in the mornings. Also, my pants seemed to be getting a little tighter; I had to lay down on the bed to button my jeans. The weight gain wasn't enough to be noticeable, but it was enough to put some softness onto my petite frame. At first, I thought nothing of it. Bill was feeding me a lot more since my little anorexia confession, so I figured that my body was still getting used to a larger intake of food. However, I was also very tired during the day and barely able to keep my eyes open. That could also be because I've been eating more food, but I highly doubt it. I'd been denying certain things I'd been worried about since mine and Bill's anniversary, but now was the time to figure out what was what.

I went towards the dresser Bill had found in the attic and brought down for me and took out a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt; both too big for me, but I guess that was what I wanted. Next, I went downstairs and peeked out the front door and made sure Tom and Bill really were gone to the studio; I didn't want them coming back just as I was about to leave and start asking questions.

I walked back up to Amanda and Tom's room and barged inside. Amanda was sprawled on the double bed in what looked like an awkward position with her arms above her head, torso twisted, and knees drawn up to her chest. I always wondered how she could sleep the ways she does. Then again, she was such a champ at sleeping; you could swear she was asleep onstage sometimes. I bounded towards the bed and jumped on it heavily.

"Wake up, my beautiful bassist!" I yelled as loud as possible.

Amanda, shocked to consciousness, swatted at my head but I ducked under her arm and straddled her hips as she opened her eyes fully and stared at me in disbelief.

"Irene? Please tell me you're Irene.."

I rolled my eyes and her sleepy stupidity. "Yes, I'm Irene. And Irene needs a ride to the pharmacy."

Amanda sat up and I slid off her lap. She watched me curiously, obviously wondering why I wanted to go to the pharmacy so early in the morning. I told her that Bill asked me to pick up some Halls while he and Tom were at the studio because his throat was getting scratchy.

"Yeah, okay." Amanda, thankfully, agreed and got up to get dressed.

I went and waited by the front door to watch in case the twins decided to come back for something. Amanda came down the stairs ten minutes later and we left the house. We drove the streets in silence. I kept my eyes on the window, staring out into the still-waking city in an attempt to avoid the questions I knew my friend was eager to spew questions all over me. To my surprise, Amanda kept fairly quite during the ride. She wasn't one to keep her mouth shut when something was on her mind; it worried me a bit. Oh, don't get me wrong; I was glad she wasn't asking questions, but it was becoming really tense in the car and I was glad when the pharmacy came into view.

We parked on the street beside the store and Amanda shut the car off. She started to unbuckle her seatbelt, but I stopped her.

"I'll go in on my own." I said.

Amanda narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you sure?"

I nodded and hopped out of the vehicle before Amanda could say anything else. The air outside was hot, but it was muggy inside the pharmacy, like they had turned the heat on despite it being so hot outside. Ignoring the churning sensation the heat gave me, I followed the signs on the aisles until I got to the one I needed. As I started searching for what I needed, I realized that I had no idea how to buy one of these goddamn things. Should I get the one that just gives you a line or a plus sign? The electronic one? Growling quietly, I grabbed three electronic ones and three of the other ones.

If what I was thinking was correct, I wasn't going to mistake taking the results of a faulty test.

As I walked up to the cashier and gently pushed the products onto the counter, a woman who looked like she was in her seventies came up to me and I nearly shuddered under her sympathetic gaze. I didn't really like when people pitied me. The old woman grasped my hands in her trembling ones.

"God does everything for a reason, dearie. He will be with you throughout it all." She whispered, closing my fingers around something.

As I opened my hand, I saw a pearly-white rosary in my hand. Every ten beads, there was a clear-colored crystal, and then a blood red one at the top of it. I opened my mouth to tell the woman I wasn't a Christian, but the way she smiled at him made me bite back the urge. Instead, I thanked her kindly and she shuffled away, praying into her fingers.

"Don't mind her." The cashier said, "She hangs around here all the time, just waiting for people like you."

I froze, the voice sounding eerily familiar. I glanced up at the person in front of me and gasped. "Karma!"

Karma smirked. "The one and only." The pierced girl's eyes flashed at the items I had placed on the counter, then back at me empathetically. "Don't worry; I won't tell anyone."

"Really?" I was a bit sceptical. The fact that I was buying this shit would be a great money-making opportunity for anyone. It seemed to be even better for Karma, because she and her friends had seen me leave with Bill the night of the anniversary. Anybody could put two and two together there.

She ringed up all my items quickly, double bagged them in non-clear bags, and then wrapped them up tightly. "Really. I have a kid of my own. She's three."

"Three? But… aren't you my age?

"A year older; I'm eighteen. My mom kicked me out when she found out." Karma sucked in her cheek. "It was hard for me, especially since the father doesn't want anything to do with his daughter. But we're doing well now! My point is, I know how hard it is to raise a child when you're young like us, and I'm not going to be the one to make it harder on you because I want five minutes of fame and a few bucks. So, I'll keep your secret. Promise."

Karma smiled at me, and I found myself believing her. I nodded at her, saying a quick goodbye and a thanks and walking out of the store and just managed to shove the newly bought products into my sweater pocket as I got to Amanda's car. As I got in, Amanda glanced suspiciously at the rosary.

"Some kind of crazy woman." I said in reply to her look, "Can we just go?"

"Of course." Amanda started the car and we drove off. "So where's the halls?"

"In my pocket."

Thankfully, Amanda dropped the subject the rest of the way home. When we pulled up the drive, I jumped out of the car just as Amanda stopped it, just wanting away from the awkwardness that was in the vehicle. I quickly stomped up the front steps and into the house, leaving the door open for Amanda. A quick check in the garage and the shoe closet told me that the twins still weren't home and I grasped the rosary tighter in my palm, thanking the Lord despite my non-believer half telling me not to.

The dogs met me at the door and I gave them a quick pet before I ran up the stairs and locked myself in Bill's bathroom. I took the bag out of my pocket and withdrew one electronic test and two of the line ones. After following the instructions as accurately as possible, I shakily sank down onto the side of the tub and waited. The directions told me to give each test a minimum of two minutes, but I waited five just to be sure. The nervousness was finally taking over. My hands were trembling more than that old woman's had been and I felt sick to my stomach. God, what if I was… I didn't even what to think the word. I was too young for this. And with Bill Kaulitz, to boot! What kind of name would that give either of us? Rumors were that the media already had a recent picture of us together and comparing it to the picture from three years ago, trying to see if I was the same girl. If they figured it out, I wouldn't be able to leave the house. Bill's reputation…

Oh god, what would _Bill _think?! Would he be upset about this? Angry, sad? Would he even want me after this? The last thought nearly made me break down right there but the beeping of my watch snapped me out of it and I stood up, slowly going over to the sink. I squeezed my eyes shut and blindly picked up the first test. As I finally got the nerve to look at it, my heart felt heavy. I looked at the other two without hesitation and drew in a shuddering breath. It was official.

I was pregnant.

The electronic test notified me that I was at least 5 weeks along now. I whimpered and threw the tests away, tying up the garbage bag and bringing it to the garage even though it wasn't even half full yet. As I made my way back up to Bill's room, I picked up the cordless and dialed the only number I could think of at the moment.

"Hello?" The voice on the other end questioned.

"Gustav?" I asked tentatively, hoping I'd dialed right.

"Irene? Is that you?" There were loud voices and TV sounds coming from the phone.

"Yeah," I said quietly, sitting on the bed.

"Wow, I'm surprised to hear from you. I mean, Bill had told me you guys were back together, but.." He trailed off and I heard someone speak in the background. Gustav said my name, muffled probably by his hand over the phone, and I knew Georg was with him.

"Yeah," I repeated, unsure as to why I really had called him. Why would I tell him? He'd probably tell Bill, and I didn't know if that should happen at the moment.

"Are you alright?" Gustav asked, picking up on my strange vibes. That was Gustav for you: Always being able to tell something was wrong, even if he wasn't right there with you.

"For the most part…" I muttered.

All background sounds on Gustav's end silenced and I knew he'd gone into another room. "Talk to me," he said softly.

"I'm… I'm.." I sniffled, unable to get it out. However, Gustav pressed me to speak until I'd calmed down enough to get it out. "I'm pregnant."

There was silence on the other end. Except for one sound that sounded almost like a keyboard clacking. I asked the drummer what he was doing, worried that he was emailing Bill or something.

"Buying a plane ticket." He said coolly.

"Gustav, don't." I said hastily.

The clicking stopped. "Why not?"

Good question. Why not? After Bill, I was probably closest to Gustav out of all the guys. I might have been even a little closer to Gustav than I was to Tom because the drummer and I shared so many traits. Hell, I was undoubtedly closer to Gustav than I was to my own band (excluding Amanda). So why didn't I want him here? It could make things easier, but—

"I don't know." I answered honestly, "Just… not yet, okay?"

More silence as I knew Gustav was thinking. He finally sighed. "Have you told Bill yet?"

I loved how he immediately knew it was Bill's. At least he didn't think I was a whore, or anything.

"No. I just found out a few minutes ago." I replied.

"How are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know if I even want to." I whispered, drawing my knees up to my chest and wrapping my free arm around my legs.

"You have to. You can't run away again." Gustav said sternly.

"I know… but I'm afraid he'll leave me." I said and I laid my cheek on my knees.

"He won't leave you." Gustav said soothingly, "Bill wouldn't do that."

"I just… I don't know how I'd even begin that sentence! I just can't do it!"

"If you don't, I will." Gustav warned.

And he would. I knew that much. If I didn't tell Bill, Gustav would no doubt call up and tell Bill himself. Hearing it from someone other than me… That would be worse than anything.

"Give me a week." I said suddenly. "If I haven't told him by then, you can."

"How about a couple days?" Gustav replied.

"A week."

"Two days, Irene." Gustav ground out. "Then I'm calling Bill. You can't keep this from him."

I should've known Gustav would be this way, but I guess that was the reason I'd called him- he seemed to have all the answers. I agreed to two days and we said our goodbyes, hanging up. It was then that I finally let myself cry. All I could think about now was how disappointed my mother would be if she knew, and then the thought that my mom may not even know her own grandchild made me cry even harder. I curled up into a ball and just let all my sadness pour out until I couldn't cry anymore. I stayed curled up, and Bill found me that way half an hour later,

"Hey, what's wrong?" Bill's hand was on my back, rubbing soothing circles into my shoulders.

Gustav's words echoed around in my head. _Two days, Irene. Then I'm calling Bill. _Maybe I should just tell him now, before I chickened out and Gustav's deadline expired. Like I said, it would be worse if Bill had to hear it from Gustav. I bit my lip and sat up to face Bill. He was looking at me with concerned eyes and I looked away. I couldn't do it, I really couldn't. I found myself wondering, once again, how he'd react. Gustav said Bill wouldn't leave me because of this, but he's never been in this kind of situation so what did he really know? Bill could get angry enough to leave… Or maybe he'd tell me to get rid of it, and that was completely against everything I'd ever believed in.

I didn't know what I was going to do when I told Bill, but I knew that I wasn't going to tell him just yet.

"I'm fine, Bill," I smiled reassuringly, "Just thinking of Mom."

"Are you sure?" Bill asked.

I nodded, keeping the smile on my face.

Bill studied me for another second, then sighed. "Okay, I'll believe you. Anyway, I have some… news."

"News?" I asked suspiciously.

"Yeah…" Bill rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from me. He was acting weird, and I wondered what was wrong with him. At least this was keeping my mind off the pregnancy. "While Tom and I were at the studio, we had a phone call. It was the producers of a German idol show."

"Deutschland sucht den Superstar?" I asked.

"Yeah!" Bill said with a smile. "They want Tom and me to be judges on the new season coming up!"

I smiled. It was obvious this was an exciting thing for the twins. "Really? That's amazing! I hope you said yes."

"We did." Bill said slowly. "I guess we should've consulted you and Amanda first…."

"What? No. A decision like that is solely up to you and Tom, not me and Amanda. Why did you think you'd have to ask us?"

Bill stared at me. "Well, obviously, Tom and I have to go back to Germany for this. There's the matter of whether or not you and Amanda will stay here, or come with us…."

Oh, right. I lowered my eyes to the bed. With the memories I had from being in Germany, it would definitely be hard for me to go back. Then again, my mom was still in the hospital there and this would be a good opportunity to visit her. I bit my lip, unsure as to what I wanted to do.

"It's your choice, Bean. I'd rather you come with me but if you don't want to, I'm okay with that." Bill leaned down and kissed me lightly. "Sleep on it, okay?"

As if just the word _sleep_ was a spell, I turned my face away and yawned. Bill laughed lightly and got off the bed. He pushed gently on my shoulder and I laid down, allowing myself to be covered in the blankets. Saying that he had to go talk to Tom, Bill left the room. My eyes immediately started drooping. My tiredness was taking over again. With this, along with weight gain that I was sure shouldn't be there yet, I didn't know how long I would be able to keep my little problem a secret. Maybe I should stay behind while the twins were filming DSDS. It would give me a little time to think things through.

That is, if I could convince Gustav to keep his mouth shut.


	13. Choices

_**A/N: Dear AlienxLove, here is your cute Tom/Amanda moment, right at the first of the chapter. Now shush. Okay, love? ;3**_

_**So this chapter is short and very jumpy. It's only because I want to show you Irene making her decision and stuff like that. Next chapter will be longer, I promise! **____** Oh, and to those two or three readers who actually still reads this, I have a question. Should the twins' house in Germany be the same one from the second book (just with extra security, obviously, since it WAS broken into…) or a brand new house? Support your choice with a little paragraph and I'll make my choice depending on what you guys say. Answer soon, because I can't start the next chapter until I know! **___

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter thirteen- "Choices"

Date: August 20th, 2012

Amanda's POV

I… am getting dizzy.

"Tom, slow the fuck down!" I yelled at the guitarist.

Tom obeyed and stared at me. "I have to pack! We're leaving tomorrow!"

As Tom started running through the house again, I sighed. He had been this way since he and Bill came back from the studio yesterday. Yeah, it was exciting that he and Bill were going to be judges on DSDS and I guess it was short notice considering filming was starting on Friday; but Tom didn't need to be running through the house, throwing shit everywhere! I glanced at the Kitchen Island, where the dogs' kennels, blankets, dog food, and random articles of clothes were sitting. The house was becoming a mess, and it was taking all my power not to follow the dreaded man around and clean up his shit.

"Tom!" I screamed again. The man poked his head out from the basement, giving me an angry look.

"What?!" Tom asked irritably.

"We need to talk about something, so will you stop running around like a chicken with its head cut off?! Please!"

Tom blinked at me. He nodded and I lead the way into the living room. We settled on the couch and Tom stared at me, waiting for me to speak. When I didn't, Tom asked why I hadn't packed yet. I tensed. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I'm not packing because… Irene hasn't chosen to go yet and… I'm not going to leave her behind if she decides to stay."

"Well…" Tom sighed. "I guess that's okay. Just as Bill would like Irene to come, I'd like you to, but I understand not wanting Irene to be all alone. I'd say we force her, but there's a lot of bad memories in Germany for her."

"And we can't force that on her. It might cause another episode."

Tom nodded and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me into an adoring kiss. I kissed back reassuringly. As much as I wanted to go back to Germany with Tom, there was no way I'd leave Irene alone here; she could get hurt!

"It's your choice, Manda." Tom whispered as he pulled away. "Whatever you want to do."

I smiled. "Thanks for understanding, Tom."

"No problem, babe."

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Bill's POV

I snuck upstairs to my bedroom and slipped inside. I thought Irene was sleeping but instead, I found her laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling in obvious deep thought. I got into the bed with her and asked her what she was thinking about, even though I could give a good guess as to what it was.

"I think…." Irene said quietly. "I'm going to go to Germany with you.

She turned her head towards me and smiled. I swooped down and gathered her up in a hug. She giggled and hugged back, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"What made you make up your mind?" I asked.

Irene pulled away and laid back down. "Multiple things."

"Like what…?" I prodded when she didn't elaborate.

"I want to visit mom, even though I know it'll upset me. And I didn't want you to feel bad about leaving me behind." As I opened my mouth, Irene shushed me. "Don't even say it Bill; we both know the guilt would eat you up inside."

I sighed. "Yeah, it would. So if you're coming along, you better start packing! We're leaving early tomorrow morning!"

"How early?" Irene asked lowly.

I got off the bed (and out of Irene's reach) before I answered. "Five."

"Bill!"

"Start packing, Bean. Love you!"

I heard Irene mutter something as I left the room, basically walking on air.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Irene's POV

I dug through my dresser, searching for the largest clothes I had so I could pack those. Over the next few weeks, I was going to continue gaining weight, so I needed to hide it as much as possible. As I shoved my mom's pyjama pants into my luggage, I felt a wave of nausea wash through me. I jumped up, and ran into the bathroom to throw up. However, there wasn't much in my stomach anyway, so most of it was water.

Disgusting.

"Bean, you okay?" Bill peeked his head in the doorway, a concerned look on his face.

"Fine." I said, shooting the man a thumbs up. "It's all the food you've been shoving down my throat; my body isn't used to it."

Bill kneeled down beside me, patting my back gently. "Sorry, babe. I'll lighten up a little. I just want you to be healthy."

I sat back away from the toilet and wiped my mouth with a piece of bathroom tissue. "It's okay. Not your fault, Bill. It's my own for being this way in the first place."

Bill leaned over and kissed my head softly. I smiled happily; I loved his gentle touches.

"I love you no matter what." Bill whispered. "Remember that."

My smile failed a little. He says that, but would he still feel that way if he knew I was pregnant? My heart said that it would, but my brain was arguing the option that he'd leave me. I was torn and confused.

I don't know what to do.


	14. Back again and a deadline extension

_**A/N: Thank the fact that there are three loud children and a douche bag in my house for this chapter because if they hadn't annoyed me, I wouldn't have written it until probably Monday. Also, if the chapter sucks, I'm sorry. I didn't really know what to write, so I just kind of winged it. Hope you enjoy it anyway! **___

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter fourteen- "Back again and a deadline extension."

Date: August 21st, 2012

Irene's POV

"Isn't DSDS filming in Cologne?" I asked as we stepped off the plane into Leipzig International Airport. "You know, the place four hours away?"

Before either twin could answer, Amanda groaned and sniffled. She was hanging off my elbow, forcing me to basically drag her along behind me. She had somehow gotten sick with some kind of stomach virus last night. The poor girl couldn't keep any food down (a fact we had so cheerfully discovered during breakfast at a fast-food place) and was barely awake, mumbling incoherently. The twins stopped walking before we got to the exit from the hallway and into the big part of the airport. I stopped too, adjusting my hold on the blonde bassist. I knew the plan: Amanda and I would stay behind while the twins went ahead into the hoard of fans that were undoubtedly waiting; it was a safety procedure we had thought up on the plane. Bill planted a short kiss on my cheek, but Tom just patted Amanda's head while still attempting to stay as far away as possible from her. If Amanda was lucid, she'd probably get angry at his actions. However, she wasn't lucid.

She was drooling on my shoulder. I pushed her head away.

"We're meeting Georg and Gustav at the old house, then all of us are flying to Cologne together tonight." Bill said as he adjusted his luggage. "Okay, so remember the plan: Tom and I will go first. We will get into the SUV waiting outside and drive around the block, then meet you two out behind the airport in ten minutes. Okay?"

I nodded. "Got it. Good luck."

Amanda mumbled something and her head lolled back onto my shoulder. Bill smirked. "You too, Bean."

Rolling my eyes, I gave a stern point towards the end of the hallway. Tom pulled Bill away in a lame effort to escape breathing the same air as his sick girlfriend any longer. I watched as they turned the corner, then heard the screams of the fan girls that we had predicted. As I started counting out the two minutes I was supposed to wait, Amanda spoke her first intelligible sentence of the day.

"Where'd Tomi go?" She said, rubber her eyes with the hand that wasn't holding onto mine.

"Into the sea of women." I mumbled.

Amanda gave me a confused look, then just shrugged and went back to basically drooling on my shoulder. I had lost my count, but figured that two minutes had passed and pulled Amanda out into the main room of the airport, our luggage dragging along behind us. The big, mall-like space was packed with business people, tourists, waiting families, and the most obvious majority: Tokio Hotel fans. They lined the ground level and the levels above, visible because of the building's hollow center. The twins were still in the building, but all the way on the other side. Instead of following their route, I dragged Amanda along the far wall to the rear exit. We got bumped into plenty of times and I had to half carry Amanda so she wouldn't be knocked from my grasp. Other than that, we were doing pretty well making our way to the exit.

Until someone recognized me.

It wasn't that anyone called my name that I knew someone had figured out who I was, but the fact that I had a chill run up my spine. I stopped in place and looked around the floor I was on-nobody looking at me. Reluctantly, I raised my gaze to the higher levels of the airport and searched carefully. After a second, my eyes landed on a head of reddish hair and my heart stopped. The shock of who I saw had me actually dropping poor Amanda, who squeaked in pain as she hit the floor. Up on the third level, staring coldly at me, was Claire.

Fucking. Claire.

The psycho who nearly killed Bill by stabbing a steak knife into his shoulder three years ago. We stared at each other for a good thirty seconds before she moved, turning around and walking away from the edge. I moved my eyes downwards, using the floor I was on as a guide to what the red-head could be walking towards upstairs. I cursed when I saw a bank of elevators in the exact direction Claire had headed in. I kneeled down and shook Amanda.

"Get up, you sick bitch. We need to run!"

Travellers swarmed around us, giving us odd stares. There were good and bad qualities to having this many people around us. Good: Claire wouldn't be able to spot us right away. Bad: We wouldn't be able to see her, either. I shook Amanda again, this time a little harder. Again, she just groaned, so I slapped her cheek. Hard. Amanda's eyes flew open with a glare; it disappeared quickly when she saw where she was.

"Why am I on the floor?" She asked, her words still slightly slurred.

"No time to explain. Just grab your luggage and run!"

Thankfully, Amanda didn't ask questions. She picked up her luggage and we jogged towards the exit, muttering excuse me as we pushed our way through the crowd. I glanced back to see Claire come out of the elevators and look around. Before I could see her spot me, I turned back around and urged Amanda to go faster; she did. We busted out the back door and into the nearly-empty back parking lot that was used for staff only. Unfortunately, the twins weren't back yet and I cursed. Amanda sat on the pavement, panting.

"Why were we running? I feel like puking again after that!"

"It's a long, three-year-old story that I'll explain later."

"Why don't you just tell her now?" A voice asked.

"Fuck!" I spun around to see Claire by the door. How the hell had I not heard her exit the building? "What the hell do you want, Claire?"

"Just making sure you're not still putting the guys in danger, that's all." Claire said with an innocent smiled identical to the one she'd given me three years ago.

"And just as Bill said before: it's his life, not yours. He can do whatever the hell he wants."

Amanda stood up from the ground. "Somebody explain this to me. Now."

Not taking my eyes off of Claire, I explained to Amanda what had happened between me and the redhead three years ago. I started with the broken computer, explained the coffee shop, told her how I got the scar on my back, and what happened to Bill's shoulder. When I was finished, Amanda didn't say anything- she just stood there, looking appalled. After a minute or so, she spoke.

"You crazy bitch!" Amanda said, not sounding as sick as she did five minutes ago. She stepped closer to Claire, glaring. "Why the fuck do you think that you have any kind of say in what the twins do?"

"I'm just trying to protect them." Claire said in a voice that implied she figured she wasn't doing anything wrong. "People like Irene here only tarnish that reputation of the boys because she's so young and selfish." Claire looked at me again. "All you want is fame, and you know Bill can give you that. You took advantage of his vulnerable and kind personality and convinced him that you loved him."

"Oh. My. Fuck." Amanda said before I could. "Are you fucking stupid, Claire? You have NO idea what Irene is really like, nor will you ever. All you need to know is that she's _nothing_ like you think she is. And you know what? Bill is old enough to make is own fucking decisions and if he wants to be 'taken advantage of' then so be it. It's his choice and—"

Amanda trailed off and paled. She brought her hand up to her mouth and her eyes widened as she bent over and threw up.

All over Claire's feet.

I covered my own mouth, but only so I could hold back my laughs. Claire had a disgusted look on her face, like she was going to puke herself. When Amanda finished, she straightened up and pushed her hair out of her face. I expected a pained look, but smirked when I saw the blonde grinning.

"Oops." She said quietly.

Claire groaned and, shockingly, ran off. I had expected her to go psycho and try to hurt Amanda or me, so I felt a little satisfaction to see the woman running away. It meant she got a wee bit cowardly in the past three years and that maybe I wouldn't have to worry about her while we were in Germany. At least, I hoped not.

A car horn made me spin around. A black SUV was coming around the corner and I breathed a sigh of relief. It stopped right in front of me and Bill jumped out, looking panicked.

"Please tell me I didn't just see—"

"Yep." I said casually. "But Amanda took care of her."

"Yes," Amanda said, "Amanda puking on the psycho was funny a few seconds ago, but now I just want to leave."

She pushed past me and threw her luggage into the trunk and jumped into the vehicle. I followed suit and climbed into the front passenger seat. Tom was in the backseat, snuggling Amanda, much to my surprise. I blinked at Tom in question

"She won't let me stay away, now." Tom said at my look.

"I'm your girlfriend!" Amanda scolded. "You're supposed to take care of me when I'm sick!"

"I love you, Amanda; you know I do," Tom muttered, "But I can't be sick during filming!"

As the Bill got in the car and started it and pulled out of the parking lot, Amanda moved to the other side of the vehicle. "Fine." She huffed.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Bill's POV

We pulled up through the gate of the house and I could feel Irene's demeanor shift from relaxed to tense. I knew that coming back here would be hard for her, but I didn't expect a reaction like the one she had. Her hands clenched and unclenched in a rhythmic motion and she breathed deeply. I reached over and took one of her hands in mine.

"There's nothing dangerous here, anymore." I whispered.

Irene snorted. "Yeah, nothing but my memories. How long are we going to be here for?"

"I don't know; until Georg and Gustav get here, maybe? Tom and I would like to sit and talk with Mom and Gordon for a bit too…"

Her face softened. "Sorry, I'm being selfish."

Tom leaned forward and placed his hand on Irene's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. "It's okay, kid. We know you're nervous, but it'll be okay. We wouldn't let anything hurt you; you know that."

I nodded in agreement. Irene stared at us, then sighed. "Yes, I do. I'll be fine. Let's go in."

We all got out with Tom helping Amanda and walked up the path. Halfway there, the house's door opened up and Mom walked out, a huge smile on her face.

"My boys!" She said cheerfully, coming down the pathway with her arms wide and her feet bare.

Tom made sure Amanda could stand on her own before accepting Mom's hug alongside me. Mom squeezed us tightly, nearly crushing the bones. Both Tom and I coughed and Mom got the hint and let go of us. She glanced over our shoulders at Irene and Amanda, her eyes widening- mostly at the sight of Irene, probably. Nobody said anything for a second as Irene looked in every direction in order to keep her eyes away from Mom's questioning gaze. Finally, Tom cleared his throat and spoke.

"You remember Irene, right Mom?"

Mom smiled and nodded. "Of course I do, even though she's grown quite a bit. It's good to see you again, Irene."

Irene smiled, too, though it seemed awkward and forced. "It's good to see you too, Simone."

"And this is Amanda!" I piped up with an evil grin. "Tom's girlfriend."

Tom gave me a horrified look as Mom turned towards my twin in shock. "A girlfriend, Tom? Why didn't you call and tell me?"

Amanda raised an eyebrow at Tom. "Yeah, Tom." She said in that sweet-and-evil voice that I, surprisingly, hadn't heard in over a month now. "Why didn't you call you mother and tell her about me?"

Tom started stuttering a response but Mom sighed and waved a hand at him. "No bother. He probably didn't call because he knew I'd tease him about it. Anyway, it's nice to meet you, Amanda."

Mom extended a hand out to Amanda, who politely shook her head. "It's nice to meet you, too, Ma'am; but I'm afraid I'm a bit sick today and I wouldn't want you to catch it."

"Good call." Mom said, shrinking away a little. It was obvious where Tom had gotten his little germ phobia from. "Alright, let's go inside. I made a special lunch for you guys and—"

A buzzing sounded as the gate at the end of the drive was opened again. A small black car pulled in and Irene froze once again. I told her that it was just Georg and Gustav, but she exhaled in slight frustration.

"I know; that's why it's so scary."

I wanted to question her about why that was, but was cut off by a loud, kind of girlish scream from the direction of the car. Georg had gotten out and was staring at Irene in shock. My girlfriend, obviously knowing the question I had been going to ask, gave me an answering glance and then said Hi to Georg. The bassist ran up to her and captured her in a hug that looked like it rivaled the one Mom had given Tom and me. Irene groaned in the big man's arms and patted his back in return.

"Nice to see you too, Georg. Now put me down, you big oaf." Irene said teasingly.

Georg did as he was told, then turned to me and Tom. "So was no-one going to tell me about this?" He asked, gesturing to Irene.

"Surprise!" I said with a smirk. Georg glared at me and then turned back to the car.

Gustav was standing by the open trunk watching the scene before him quietly, like always. He cast a quick glance at Irene, who blushed under his gaze and looked away. Tom and I exchanged a glance of our own, confused as to what was going on between them because neither of us had told Gustav Irene was coming with us, nor had Irene talked to the drummer- to our knowledge, anyway. Amanda had a thoughtful look on her face. As Georg and Gustav started arguing about moving their bags, I shuffled over to Amanda.

"I can see the gears turning in your head. What's on your mind?"

Amanda bit her lip and stared at me like she really wanted to tell me something, then shook her head. "It's nothing, just the sickness taking over. Tommiii!" She skipped over to Tom and fell into his arms. "Take care of me!"

The two and my mom went into the house and Georg started following them, much to Gustav's protests. "Look dude," Georg said, "I smell Simone's cooking and Tom will eat it all by the time we're done moving our bags over to the SUV, so leave them there until after or move them yourself. Either way, I'm not doing it now."

Just as I went to step forward to help Gustav myself, Irene spoke.

"I'll help Gustav, Bill. You can go inside and eat." She put on a smile, but I could see through it; she was nervous about something. However, I felt that I shouldn't question it just yet and just nodded at her and went inside.

Something was up with Irene, but I didn't know if I wanted to know what it was.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)()~(~)(~)

Irene's POV

When the door to the house shut behind Bill, I went towards the car- and Gustav. I knew that he and I needed to have a chat sooner or later and I figured that sooner was better. This way, I wouldn't have to be nervous the whole time I was in Germany. I walked up beside the man and said a tentative hello. Not one to be impolite, Gustav returned the greeting but didn't offer anything else. He just continued to pull his and Georg's bags out of the trunk. Gently, I pushed him to the side a bit and helped get them out. We worked in silence until the bags (six in total, four of them Georg's) were in the back of the SUV, then we sat side by side on the back bumper of the SUV and got to the part I had been dreading.

"You haven't told him yet, have you?" Gustav asked.

I shook my head. "I was going to, I swear, but then they got the invitation to be on DSDS and I help myself back."

"He needs to know, Irene."

"I know," I said, turning to the blonde, "But can't we hold back for a little while? I mean, does he really need this stress when he's about to be on TV?"

Gustav crossed his arms, looked down and didn't say anything. I pleaded for him to see it the way I had put it, adding that if they had any hopes of finishing their album anytime soon, Bill couldn't know. When Gustav still didn't say anything, I took his hands in mine and bent my head so I could look into his eyes.

"Please, Gustav. He can't over think this, which is exactly what he's going to do if I tell him now. You know that. So please…"

"When do you plan on telling him, then?"

"After he's done filming DSDS?"

"You might be showing by then."

I thought about the rapid weight gain I was already having and nodded in agreement. "I most likely will be, but I'll figure something out. So… you're not going to tell him?"

Gustav sighed. "No, I don't tell him, but only because I don't want to deal with a stressed out Bill, either."

I cried out in delight and threw my arms around Gustav's neck. "Thank you." I whispered into his shoulder.

As the drummer wrapped his own arms around me, he muttered a "welcome."

Now if only I could figure out a way to cover up my inevitable showing, all would be good. It would be better if I could tell Bill about the pregnancy, but I just couldn't with so much on his plate; he'd probably have a mental breakdown! No, now wasn't the time to tell him. Soon, though.

Hopefully.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)()~()~

_**A/N: And that's it for this chapter. I hope you liked it. Review and/or message me your approval, please! **_____

_**And by the way, AlienxLove, I'm leaning towards Ruki as my favorite member. Just thought I'd point that out to you, right in front of all my readers! ;) Love you! **_

_**~Rina**_


	15. Back in LA

_**A/N: So there's quite a date jump here, but it might be like that for the next few chapters so make sure you pay attention to dates so you don't get confused! I honestly had no idea what to write for this chapter, but I tried my best. Hope you like it! **_

_**~Rina **_

Book Three, Chapter fifteen- "Back to LA"

Date: September 19th 2012

_Irene's POV_

A loud thud resonated through the empty studio room as I let my head fall hard on the metal desk I was working at. In order to ensure that I still graduated high school, even living so far away from home, I had made a deal with the Principal of my school to take all my courses online. Any teachers I would have had this year filmed their lessons and posted them (along with any assignments they had assigned) on a portal site for me to find and complete. Not like it was difficult to find the assignments, but right now my challenge was grade 12 math. I hated math with a passion and didn't really want to do it. I whined and rubbed my tummy, the math problems being pushed aside by a different worry.

I was around 10 weeks along now and still putting on weight. I was still just pudgy and now rounding out any yet, but after looking up some information about pregnancy (in an incognito window on my Google chrome to make sure there was NO way Bill could find it), I had been able to confirm my fears: I wasn't supposed to be gaining weight this fast. And I couldn't figure out what the issue was. I wasn't eating anymore than usual because Bill had kept his promise on not shoving food down my throat anymore, and I was throwing up basically everything I _did _manage to eat. So what was making me gain so much weight? Unless... Oh no. No, no, no, no, no, no... I started crying and didn't hear anyone come in the room until something heavy landed on the floor. I jumped up from the chair and spun around, but relaxed slightly when I saw that it was Gustav, who had dropped his bag when he came in. At least I wouldn't have to lie about my tears to him.

"Hey." Gustav said, coming closer to me. "What's wrong?"

I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. Gustav sat beside me, patting my back consolingly. "I'm- gaining weight way too fast, Gustav. I don't know what's going on. I have a theory, but... I'd rather not think about it."

"Multiples?" Gustav said. I smacked his arm hard.

"Didn't I just say I didn't want to think about it?!"

Gustav shrugged. "It had to come out eventually."

I sighed. "I guess. And if you're right..."

"Telling Bill just got a whole lot harder?"

Even though I knew Gustav wouldn't like the answer, I nodded. It was bad enough I had to tell Bill I was pregnant, but would his reaction get worse at the fact I could be having more than one child?

"I don't know what to do." I whispered.

"Well if you are having multiples, then your deadline just got a whole lot shorter. You have to tell Bill, Irene. Now."

"I can't." I said through gritted teeth.

"You can." Gustav countered. "And you will. Or I will. Those are you options."

Before I could answer, the door to the studio opened again and Amanda walked in. She glanced at me, then at Gustav, then asked Gustav to leave. Oh god. This wasn't going to be good for me. Gustav, obviously thinking the same as me, cast me a worried look. I waved him away, acting normal about Amanda wanting to talk to me. Gustav stood up and left, shooting a warning over his shoulder on the way out.

"You or me, Irene. Your choice."

Then he was gone. Amanda just stood in the doorway, arms cross and not saying a word. This scared me, because she was usually always full of energy and eager to pounce on someone if she thought they were keeping something from her. This quiet, unsure feeling she was giving off I knew could only be caused my one thing: my pregnancy. I had already guessed that she knew because she had been avoiding me and giving me strange looks.

"You know, don't you?" I asked, deciding to get it right out there.

"That depends..." Amanda said slowly, "What is it that I know?"

I stared at her. She wanted me to say it myself. It must have been her way to help me deal with the situation. I sighed. "That I'm... pregnant."

"In that case, yes, I do know." Amanda came and sat beside me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone." I muttered.

"Gustav knows." Amanda pointed out.

"Only because I knew I could convince him not to tell Bill."

"I wouldn't have told Bill." Amanda said, hanging her head.

"Oh, don't lie." I said turning to face her. "You know you would have. I would have told you, you would've insisted on telling Bill and when I said no, don't tell him, you would've done it anyway."

After a second of silence, Amanda nodded slowly. "Yeah, I guess I would have. But Bill does need to know."

I shook my head. "I can't stress him out right now, not with the album in motion!"

"He won't be stressed out, Irene. He can help you. We all can, but only if you let us." Amanda pulled me into a hug. "Please, let us help you."

I buried my face into Amanda's shoulder and let myself fully cry for the first time in months. She was right, I couldn't do this on my own, but the thought of everyone knowing scared the shit out of me. I was still convinced Bill would stress himself out; Tom would want to murder the father, who was his own twin; apparently Gustav was indifferent about it (though, he could be faking it in order to keep everyone else unsuspecting); and I could see Georg being the more-excited-than-the-parents type of person. That scared me more than anything.

"So..." Amanda said casually, in a voice that I recognized all too well, "Am I allowed to beat Bill?"

I laughed and pulled away. I knew that was what she was going to say. "Considering you'll probably keep glaring at him until you do, yes, you can. But..." I sighed. "can we wait to tell him?"

Amanda raised her eyebrows at me, silently showing her dislike of the idea. "How long do you want to wait?"

"Until we get back to LA?"

"I guess, if that's what you want." Amanda went silent again, then beamed proudly. "Can I be it's godmommy?" She asked, clutching my hands tightly.

If there's only one, sure. If there was more than one, Amanda would have her choice of godchildren, but maybe it was better not to share that little bit of information yet. Instead, I just nodded. The door to the studio opened again, this time Bill was the one to come in. He took in my tear-streaked face and frowned deeply.

"What's wrong?" He asked quickly, the panic already rising in his voice. Amanda and I shared a look, one that sent us into mutual agreement; the pregnancy would stay a secret for now. Bill looked at both of us in turn and sighed. "I don't like that look, but I won't question it. I'm done working now, Bean, if you want to go visit your mother."

Oh right, I had forgotten that Bill had promised to take me to the hospital when he was done with the recording he was doing. I nodded at him and stood up. Amanda squeezed my hand one last time, then let go. Bill and I left the studio and went out to his car. On the way to the hospital, neither of us spoke. Bill just held my hand tightly in a silent reassurance that he'd be there for me. I was grateful for it and it also got me rethinking hiding the pregnancy from him. Maybe Amanda and Gustav were right and Bill wasn't going to freak out. I mean, he was bound to freak a little, but maybe it wouldn't be to the calibre that I was expecting...

"Bill..." I said his name quietly.

He turned his head only slightly, trying to keep his eyes on the road while he also wanted to see if I was okay. "Yes?"

"I-" I hesitated. It wasn't the time. "I love you."

Bill gave me a strange look, obviously confused. "I love you, too. Is there something bugging you? Because you've been kind of... off, for the past few weeks."

"Just this visit." I lied. "I've been putting it off because I'm nervous. Three years in a coma is a long time and... I'm scared at what I'm going to find when I walk into that hospital room."

And that is how a lie became the truth. I _was _worried about seeing Mom. It has been three years and apparently, her condition hasn't changed too much. The doctors had called me a year and a half ago, saying that maybe it was time to pull the plug. It was my decision because my grandparents didn't have the heart to make a choice and Eli wasn't blood family; so the choice was mine. I had said no. There was still a chance that Mom would recover. I had heard about people who woke up from a coma many years after they had succumbed to it, so I still had hope for Mom.

"It'll be okay, babe." Bill said, tightening his hold on my hand. "I'll be right beside you."

By this time, we had gotten to the hospital. We parked and Bill turned towards me. He pulled me into a loving and gentle kiss that had me relaxing immediately. Other than relaxing me, it also reminded me that Bill and I haven't had any intimate moments for a while. Along with me being too scared to let him touch me (in case he felt something wrong with my body), he had been too busy. I missed his touch so much.

"Bill..." I whispered as he pulled me as close as he could in the car.

Our tongues twirled together and I momentarily forgot where we were and why we were here. All that mattered at the moment was Bill and how warm his body felt against mine. I just wanted to stay in his arms forever and let all my problems- the pregnancy, my mother's coma; everything- just disappear. Of course, it couldn't, but it was nice to dream. I pulled away and sighed.

"I don't want to do this." I admitted. Bill was still stroking my hair and he nodded.

"I know, but you have to."

"Yeah." I said as I got out of the car and started walking towards the hospital.

Bill quickly caught up to me and wrapped his arm around my waist. This was dangerous, as there could be Tokio Hotel fans lurking around every corner, but I let him do it anyway; I needed the comfort and I wasn't going to let stupid, jealous, hormonal preteens stop me from letting my boyfriend comfort me. We got to the doors of the hospital and Bill basically pushed me inside, obviously sensing that I would have just stopped in the doorway if he hadn't. He led me through the halls, into an elevator and up to the fifth floor. Obviously, he knew where mom was and I was glad for that, because I had no freaking clue. We got off the elevator and went down a couple more hallways before Bill stopped at a nurse's station. An older nurse just nodded at him and he nodded back as he kept going down the hallway, finally stopping at a solid, blue door.

"This is where she is." He said.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. The room was very plain with just white walls and bland curtains across the open window. A steady _**beepbeepbeep **_filled my ears and I let my eyes drift towards where the sound was coming from. To my right was the bed and my mother in it. She was a lot smaller than she was three years ago. Her hair was brittle looking and lighter, too, the shine gone completely from her once black locks. I whimpered and found myself in Bill's arms, my face buried against his chest- just like I had done three years ago. The sight was different now, though, because three years was a long time. Before, she had still looked vibrant, like she'd wake up at any moment. Now? She just looked... dead, and it was horrifying. A small, choked noise came from my throat and I buried my face in Bill's chest. He held me tightly for a few minutes, then let go.

"Do you want a few minutes alone?" He asked.

I nodded and he left the room, but not before placing a light kiss on my forehead. When the door shut behind him, I took a deep breath and faced my mother once again. I went over to her bed and sat down beside it. Up close, I could see how sunken her eyes were and it took all my strength to not look away. With both of my own hands, I clasped one of my mother's own hands tightly. Cold broke the barrier of heat that came off of my own skin and I shivered.

"Hi, Mom." I whispered. "It's me, Irene." Not that I expected an answer, but my heart still fell slightly when I didn't receive one. "It's been a long time since I saw you and I feel bad for it. I left Germany to get rid of my own sadness, but I left you behind and that made me even sadder. I'm sorry."

A few tears escaped without my permission and I wiped at them quickly, clearing my throat in the process. "I'm not here to make myself sad." I reminded myself, then went back to talking to Mom. "On the bright side, I made some really good friends. There's one in particular I'm glad I've made friends with. Her name is Amanda. She saved me from being kidnapped when we were here the first time and when I left three years ago, we met up again in Canada and she's been helping me ever since. She's so nice and caring. I don't know what I'd do without her. And then there's James. He's like a brother to me. And Lucy and Amy."

By this point, I realized I was rambling, but I didn't care. It helped to say all of this to my mother, even if she couldn't hear me.

"I'm a singer now, Mom, in a band. With Amanda, Lucy and Amy. We're getting famous pretty fast. It's exciting and scary at the same time. Because you know how I value my privacy, and I know privacy will basically go out the window if I become famous. But at the same time, I hope I do become famous. Then, bills won't be an issue ever again. For you either, Mom, because I'll buy you and Eli and Eric a nice house and help pay the bills and everything! I won't be living with you guys, of course, because..."

I stared right into my mother's face. "I'm pregnant, Mom. With Bill's child." I gave a small laugh. "Or children. It's my own fault, though. I didn't realize until afterwards that the medication I had been given for my MPD would affect my birth control. I thought I'd be okay but... I'm not, Mom. I'm scared. I don't know what to do. I hate this and-"

The familiar headache suddenly made itself known. I let go of my mother's hand and clutched my head. The pain pounded, harder than usual. The change was happening fast, so I yelled Bill's name while I could still speak. The door flew open and Bill was at my side in a second. He tugged at my wrists, trying to take my hands, but I was holding onto my hair and refusing to let go. I was blacking out and it wouldn't be long before-

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Bill's POV

When I heard my name being yelled, I was in the room in a flash. Irene was sitting beside her mother's bed, holding her head in her hands. I knew immediately that she was having an episode and rushed to her side. When I reached for her hands, I realized that she wasn't going to let go. This one seemed bad. There was nothing I could do but wait until she passed out and see which alter surfaced. I only knew Lilith so far, so I half-hoped it was that one; I wouldn't know how to deal with the others. Suddenly, Irene went limp and I caught her as she fell forward. At the same time, Doctor Duran came rushing in.

"Everything okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine." I answered, holding onto my girlfriend tightly. "She'll wake up in a second."

Just as I said that, Irene stirred in my arms. I watched as her eyes opened. She stared at me for a second, then squeaked and leaped out of my arms. She huddled in the corner, her eyes wide and afraid. Obviously, this wasn't Lilith. Question was: who was it? Amanda had talked about a violent one, a childish one, and many others. This one didn't seem to be the violent one because she just looked scared, so maybe the childish one? Duran quirked an eyebrow at me, silently asking about what was going on.

"Irene developed multiple personality disorder after she left Germany three years ago. If she gets stressed out, she passes out and an alternate personality appears. However, I don't know which one this is." I turned towards Irene and spoke to the alter. "What's your name?" I asked in as gentle a voice I could produce.

"I'm not supposed to tell strangers my name." The voice was high-pitched with a child-like lisp, so I pegged it as the childish one, as I had thought.

"But I'm not a stranger." I said as I stood up and went over to her, slowly. "My name is Bill; I'm a friend."

"You are?" The alter asked. "I don't know..."

As I knelt down in front of her, I held out my hand. "I promise, I'm not going to hurt you."

She stared at my hand, contemplating on whether or not to take it. "I'm Emi." She whispered, deciding to ignore my hand.

"Nice to meet you, Emi."

"I want Amanda." She suddenly said. "I know Amanda. Amanda is a friend."

I pursed my lips. "Okay, I'll get Amanda. You wait here, okay?"

She nodded and I walked out of the hospital room. To be honest, the alters annoyed me. I didn't like not knowing what to do and the fact that I had to rely on Amanda to help bothered me, too. She'd probably end up getting cocky about helping me, but I wasn't going to put Irene in danger, so I called Amanda anyway. When she picked up, I explained the situation and said that she needed to get here as soon as possible. She said she would, then hung up. I went back into the hospital room to sit with the alter so she couldn't do anything. Not that the childish one _could _do anything, but it was better safe than sorry, in my opinion.

The girl didn't say anything until Amanda showed up. Then, she jumped out of the corner and wrapped her arms firmly around Amanda's waist.

"Mandy!" She squealed happily.

Amanda sighed. "Hi, Emi." She petted the girl's hair. "Let's go home."

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

_** Irene's POV, September 30th, 2012**_

There was a soft bed under me. How did I get here? The last thing I remember was being at the hospital, talking to my mother and then... I passed out! I sat up, finding that I was in Bill's bed. But... the bed in LA. Holy shit, how long was I out for? I jumped out of bed and went to go downstairs, but stopped short when I saw my outfit: pink fuzzy pyjama shorts and an old cartoon tee-shirt that I wasn't sure why I still carried around. The alter that had come out in the hospital must have been Emi because she's the only one of my alters that likes pink. Which made sense, considering she was the representation of my childhood. I quickly changed into some dark red pyjama pants and a black hoodie. Feeling instantly better, I went downstairs. Tom was snoozing on the couch and Amanda and Bill were sitting silently at the kitchen island. When I walked in, Amanda, who was facing me, glanced up hopefully.

"Irene?" She asked timidly.

Bill turned and stared at me, the same hopefulness in his eyes. I nodded and they both relaxed in relief. Bill muttered a thank god and Amanda came over to hug me.

"How long was I out for?" I asked.

Amanda backed away, but didn't let go of me. "A week and a half, Irene. The longest you've ever been out. I'm worried about you. First it was the huge headache and now an alter taking over more than a week of your life? You need to talk about this to the therapist."

I pushed Amanda away. "No. I don't like her. She's bitchy."

"Irene..." Amanda said, "You need to stop being stubborn."

We stared each other down. I knew she wasn't just talking about the therapist anymore. She wanted me to tell Bill about the pregnancy. I just smiled and shook my head. "I'll be as stubborn as I want, Amanda. It'll happen, but not right now. I have... something else to do first."

I turned and left the kitchen, going upstairs. Like I knew she would, Amanda followed, stopping me short and yanking me into one of the guest bedrooms, shutting the door behind us.

"You _have_ to tell him, Irene. You promised you would when we got back."

"I also just recovered from an episode; give me time. Besides, like I said, I have something else to do before I tell him."

"What?" Amanda asked.

"I need to know whether or not there is more than one baby. When I find out, I'll tell him. I promise."

"You're just putting it off, Irene!" Amanda raised her voice slightly, then glanced towards the door and lowered it again. "You need to tell him."

"Not until I know. That way, he can get over the shock of it all at once, instead of having to deal with the pregnancy, then having to deal with a multiple pregnancy!"

Amanda blinked at me. "Multiples? You think you're having more than one?!"

"Yeah. I'm gaining weight too fast." At this, I lifted my shirt. There was already a noticeable bump there. Amanda's jaw dropped and I let my shirt fall again. "I swear, I will tell him after I know. If I don't, you're welcome to tell him."

"Okay." Amanda said, finally giving in. She ran her hand through her blonde locks. "Have you made an appointment yet?"

"You want to do it? I was thinking of calling James' dad for it."

Doctor Catcher was probably one of the best doctors to go to when it came to pregnancy and it helped that he was James' father; my appointment wouldn't cost as much this way and he'd also keep the pregnancy a secret if I asked him to. Amanda nodded and took out her cell phone. She called Catcher's office, making the appointment and pointing out how important it was to keep the appointment a secret, even from James. When she hung up, she nodded to say that it was all set up.

"You go in two weeks, because Catcher is busy with other things for a bit. Aren't you lucky."

I could tell she wasn't impressed that I had just, unintentionally, bought myself another two weeks of secrecy. But those two weeks would pass like lightening, so I was still afraid.


	16. How many?

_**A/N: You: "Is that... a new chapter?! Oh my god, wherever did it come from?" Me: "The depths of hell, that's where."**_

_**I haven't been feeling very good. Along with a runny-nose (achoo!), I've been feeling mighty fucking lonely and friendless, so that's just the perfect recipe for writer's block. Anyway, I tried my best on this chapter. I hope you guys like it. **_

_**~Rina**_

Book Three, Chapter sixteen- "How many...?"

Date: October 12th, 2012

_**Amanda's POV**_

__"Irene!" I called up the stairs. "Get your ass down here or you'll be late."

"I'm here, I'm here." Irene muttered, coming down. As she sat on the stairs to put her shoes on, she doubled over and groaned. "My head hurts and so do my tits. Can't I stay home?"

I crossed my arms and shook my head. "I don't care if your legs are falling off, you're not delaying this any longer. So get your fucking shoes on and go get in the car!"

As she tied her shoes, Irene muttered something under her breath, just low enough so I couldn't catch it.

"What?" I asked.

"What?" She looked up at me innocently.

"What'd you say?" I said.

"What'd you hear?"

I glared at Irene. She just smirked and brushed past me and out the door. Knowing her, she had probably called me a bitch or something. She had been moody the past couple weeks and she was snapping at everybody. It had become difficult to make up excuses for her, so I was glad today had finally come so we could just tell the twins about the pregnancy and get it over with.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

At Catcher's clinic, Irene's mood swung again. This time, she went quiet and shrunk into herself nervously. It was obvious that she didn't want to be here, but it had to be done. I jumped out of the car and walked over to Irene's side and opened the door. She just stared at me, the fear clear in her dark eyes.

"I don't want this." She murmured.

"I know. But it's done now, and there's nothing you can do about it. Unless you want to break all your beliefs and get an-"

"No." Irene interrupted firmly, finally getting out of the car. "Not an option."

"Then let's go."

We walked up to the clinic. I looped my arm through Irene's to reassure her I was right here beside her. She smiled gratefully and we went inside. Catcher's secretary glanced up at us for just a second, then waved us through into the Doctor's office. Inside, Catcher was sitting at his desk, scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. When we came in, he looked up and quirked an eyebrow.

"I have to say girls, I'm thoroughly shocked. I never thought I'd see either of you in my clinic for a problem like this." He turned his gaze fully on Irene. "Especially you."

Irene shrugged. "Shit happens. Not to be rude, but can we just get this over with? I'm pissing my pants here."

Catcher chuckled, used to Irene's nervous potty-mouth. "Alright. Go into the examination room and get up on the bed."

Irene did as she was told and sighed. While Catcher prepared the ultrasound machine, Irene glanced over at me. "What if there is more than one, Amanda?"

"Then there's more than one. Not much you can do about it." I shrugged, but then patted her hand. "Look, you have me, Bill, and Tom all here to help, so you'll be fine. Alright?"

The younger girl nodded and turned towards the doctor as he finished prepping the machine. "Ready?" He asked.

She nodded and lifted her shirt. The doctor spread some gel on Irene's stomach and she shivered. As he ran the little roller over her stomach, Irene looked away from the screen.

"Tell me what you see." She said, her hand grasping mine tightly.

I glanced up at the monitor. It was black and white and grainy, but I could make out what Irene was the most fearful about. There were three little blobs on the monitor, one on top of the other two. I tilted my head a bit, staring with fascination as Catcher moved the roller around Irene's stomach, catching a different angle of the babies. My eyes widened, and Irene tugged on my hand.

"What's there?" She whispered

"Look yourself." I said, not taking my gaze off the screen.

"No, just tell me."

I sighed, reached down and turned her face towards the monitor. She reluctantly stared at the monitor and she gasped.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no!" She finally let go of my hand, but only to cover her face and groan loudly.

I let her whine on her own and turned to Catcher. "Can you tell the genders yet?"

"Hmm..." Catcher continued to look at the babies from every angle possible, then shook his head. "Not really. It looks like the top one is a boy, but the others are at an awkward angle and I can't see very well." He took the roller off her stomach and started cleaning up, leaving the room.

Irene just lay there, still moaning slightly. At least she wasn't going into an episode. Yet. She also didn't show any signs of moving from the examination bed.

"Are you okay?" I asked her gently.

"I have to tell Bill now." Irene muttered from behind her hands. "I have to tell him that I'm pregnant... with triplets. Oh. My. God."

"Well I'm glad you're not trying to put it off anymore."

"But I'm still afraid."

"You'll be fine."

Irene nodded and Doctor Catcher came back in, holding some photos. He gave them to Irene and she glanced at them only briefly before passing them onto me. They were photos of the ultrasound, one from each angle. Irene thanked Catcher and stressed the importance of keeping the appointment a secret. He agreed and we left. The whole way home, Irene was silent. I had forced her to hold the ultrasound photos and she was clutching them as hard as she had held my hand.

"You're going to be fine." I said once again, sounding like a broken record to my own ears. I was tired of repeating myself. Hopefully, I wouldn't have to say that again anytime soon after today.

We got home and I pulled up into the driveway, stopping the car at the door. Irene took some deep breaths and got out of the car, a lot quicker than I thought she was going to. I fumbled with my seat belt and hopped out after her. By the time I got to the door, she was already taking her shoes off and searching the house. After looking in the kitchen, living room, and yelling upstairs, Irene went down the hallway across from the living room and towards the home studio. I was shocked at her determination and was wondering if an alter had somehow taken over without her passing out. To be sure, I took Irene by the shoulders before she got to the studio and stared at her. She stared back, quirking an eyebrow upwards.

"Yes, Amanda?"

"Are you Irene?" I asked, turning her every which way as if I could tell who she was by doing that.

"Of course I am, stupid. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you're acting weird. An hour ago, you were scared shitless. Now, you're marching around like nothing is bothering you. Why the sudden change?"

Irene's shoulders, which were tense under my hands, slouched forward. Irene sighed and shook her head. "I'm still scared. I thought that I should get it over with before I talk myself out of it again." She brushed my hands off. "And now I don't want to do it anymore. Thank you very much."

The girl tried to push past me and back towards the living room, but froze when the sound of the studio door sounded and Tom came around the corner. He gave us a curious glance, but then smiled.

"Hey, I thought I heard you two out here. Everything okay?"

"Yeah," I said with a smile of my own. "But Irene has something to tell Bill. Is he in there?"

Tom nodded. "Yeah, he-"

Tom paused and looked over my shoulder. I turned around and saw that Irene was gone. She had slipped away. I cursed and followed quickly. The front door was still, but the back door was swinging free. She had run down to the beach.

"I'll go after her." I said, going back to Tom, only to find him right behind me, holding some kind of paper in his hands. I didn't know what they were at first, but when I figured it out I bit my lip and tried to casually slip away after Irene. It wasn't my place to tell, so maybe if I could get away...

"Amanda, stop."

I knew it wouldn't work, but it was worth it to try. I faced Tom again and gave him my sweetest smile. Tom clicked his tongue and shook his head at the photos, as if he couldn't believe it- which he probably couldn't, really.

"I'm going to assume, and hope to God, that these aren't yours." Tom said quietly. When I didn't answer, Tom sighed. "Is this what Irene had to tell Bill?"

"Yeah." This calm demeanour of Tom's was scaring me. It wasn't what I was expecting out of him. Bill, like I told Irene, I figured would be the calm one, not Tom. Had I been wrong? If Tom was calm, would Bill freak out? Oh, I hoped not.

"I'll go find her." Tom said, "But first.."

He started back towards the studio and I followed him. He went inside the glass recording box, set the pictures down in front of Bill, whispered something in his brother's ear, and then left again. Bill just sat in the booth, mouth slightly agape and seemingly frozen to his chair. Not the reaction I had expected, but at least he wasn't freaking. That didn't mean it wasn't going to happen, but at least it wasn't happening _yet_. I found myself half hoping Bill _would _start freaking out, just so he got it out of his system before Irene got back. If Tom found her, of course.

Because if Irene didn't want to be found, she wouldn't be.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

Irene's POV

I watched sun set from a little cave in the cliffs on the beach. The small, rocky hollow was only big enough to fit about two people and you needed to walk through an ankle-deep stretch of water to get here. That combined with the view of the orange-yellow sunset make for a nice hiding place. I was good at picking hiding places, but Amanda and the twins knew me a bit too well. They'd find me. It would take a while, but they'd find me. No doubt about it. It had been about an hour already since I had run out of the house like a scared chicken, so I was expecting someone any minute now. When that person came, I felt like everything was going to explode. I had dropped the ultrasound pictures on my way out, so there was no doubt that the twins knew now. I wondered how Bill was reacting. Was he spazzing out? Cursing me? Maybe he had left the house and wasn't coming back, I didn't know.

"Irene?"

And there was Tom. His voice was close, so I knew he had already crossed the stretch of water; he would come across the cave in a few short seconds. I didn't answer his call but I shifted to sit against the cave wall. It was a lame last attempt to hide as I hoped he would walk right past without seeing me. That way, I could slip away and hide somewhere else before he doubled back.

"There you are."

Yeah, I didn't think it would work. Tom's whole body nearly blocked the mouth of the cave and darkness washed over me. I liked it, because then he wouldn't see my tear-streaked face. Just to be sure, though, I turned away from him. He came into the cave and sat down beside me. We both stayed silent for a few minutes until Tom broke it.

"I- I don't know what to say, to be honest. Other than that you should've told us."

"Yeah, yeah. I should have done this, I should have done that. I should have done a lot of things, but I didn't. Can't exactly do them now, can I?"

"No, you can't."

Tom moved and put his arms around my shoulders to pull me against him. Usually, by this time, I'd bury my face in his chest. But I didn't want to this time. It had been my idea to keep it all a secret, so I didn't have any reason to be comforted. I tried to shift away from Tom, but he just squeezed my shoulder to stop me.

"Listen," He said, "I think I speak for both myself and Bill when I say that we're disappointed that you kept something this important from us. You should have said something the second you knew and we could have worked through this together."

I sighed, not really wanting to listen to Tom lecture me.

"_However_," Tom continued, "I'm happy for you. And I'm sure that Bill, once he gets used to the idea, will be, too. I think you two will make great parents..." He paused and smirked. "And I know I'll make a great uncle, so it's all good."

I bit my lip hard, trying not to laugh. That was the method Tom used: act stupid (I.E. Be himself), get me laughing, and I'll magically feel better. I wouldn't give into it this time, nope. It wasn't going to happen.

Tom let out a breath suddenly and stood up. "Let's go back to the house, okay? Bill is waiting."

The guitarist held out his hand to me, but I hesitated. I didn't want to go back, didn't want to face Bill. The shame of what I had done was finally hitting me. Keeping a secret as huge as this was something that I shouldn't have done and I just couldn't face Bill now. Tom, sensing my thoughts, sighed and opened his mouth, only to be interrupted by his phone. He dug the device out of his pocket and widened his eyes at the screen; the caller must have been Bill. He answered it, then put it on speaker. Sure enough, Bill's voice came from the phone.

"Did you find her?" He asked. His voice was weak and slightly shaky.

"Yeah." Tom answered.

I could hear Amanda in the background, pleading for Bill to shut up and I suddenly knew what he was really calling for. I got up off the ground now, pushing past Tom and walking up the beach, away from the twins' house. I didn't want to hear Bill's next words, but after months of being in a band and having to holler over the sound of guitars and drums, my hearing had gotten better- I heard his words, anyway.

"Good. Tell her not to bother coming back."

The low growl of Tom saying his brother's name in warning also reached my ears, but I just kept walking. Bill's words had hurt, but I wasn't angry. Once again, it was my fault, so I couldn't blame him for wanting me gone. And it wasn't like I'd be homeless. All I had to do was go back to the apartment. James and the girls would let me back in, and most likely be very welcoming about it, so it wasn't a big deal really- not at all.

Sand crunched somewhere behind me, so I took a sharp corner and crouched into some bushes. Tom would just try to drag me back, so I stayed still and silent. A few seconds later, his shoes stopped in front of my hiding place.

"Irene? I know you're here somewhere. Ignore what Bill said; it was just the shock talking. He'll be fine if you go back and talk it out with him."

When I didn't answer, Tom huffed and turned back towards his house. However, I wasn't stupid. I knew he was waiting somewhere out of sight of my hiding place, waiting for me to come out. I quietly lowered myself down onto the sand and waited him out.

And sure enough, ten minutes later, I heard a low "fine, be that way," followed by him actually walking away this time. Still, I waited another few minutes, then slowly stepped out. No Tom to be seen and when I peeked around the corner to see if I could spot him, he was a good ways back down the beach, at the steps that led up to his house. Before he went up them, though, he turned. I could tell he saw me, because he threw his hands in the air in exasperation, but he didn't come back. Maybe he was finally giving up on me and Bill. That would be for the best, really, seeing as it wouldn't involve him choosing sides. I shook my head and went towards the little nature trail that would lead me right out to the apartment, leaving the twins' house behind.


	17. Guren (Crimson-colored Lotus)

Book Three, Chapter - "Guren (Crimson-colored Lotus)"

Date: December 17th, 2012- 23 weeks along.

Irene's POV

"A pickle, some ketchup, the Mac and cheese, and..." My eyes searched the fridge, scoping out something else that sounded yummy, "Ooh, some yogurt sounds good."

I grabbed a vanilla yogurt from the shelf and shut the fridge door. With my haul in hand, I went into the living room, put the yogurt on the coffee table and dropped my fat-ass onto the couch to eat. Mixing the ketchup and Mac and cheese together, I decided to also break the pickle apart and throw that into the bowl, as well. As I started to eat, James came in from the hallway. He peeked into my dish and made a face.

"That's disgusting, Tati." He said, then glanced in again. "I thought you didn't like ketchup?"

I shrugged. "I don't usually. But it was just sitting on the shelf in the fridge, begging me to eat it. Hey, where's Amy and Lucy? They've been gone for two days."

"Off visiting family."

"Oh."

At that, I munched into the food. The taste made me moan in delight and James rolled his eyes, but he had a smile on his face too. He had been happy ever since I had come back. Well, he hadn't been _that _happy, actually, because I had to then tell him about the pregnancy. He wanted to go and murder Bill and it took me, Lucy, and Amy at least an hour to calm him down. The girls' reaction was a lot better than his, but they were still shocked, especially when I had said that Bill told me (or Tom, I guess) that I wasn't welcome back. All three of them had been more than happy to welcome me back, though. Amanda was still staying at the twins' house, trying to talk some sense into Bill. I didn't think it was going to work, but you never knew the power Amanda could come up with, and it had already been two months. I was sceptical, but I hoped she could do it. I wanted my children to have a father in their life but as each day passed without any indication from Amanda about what was going on, it was looking more and more like James would be the father figure.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by a buzzing going through the apartment, indicating that someone wanted in the building. James and I gave each other a look. Amanda could get in herself, Tom would steal Amanda's key and let himself in, and we didn't get any other visitors other than the landlord and James' dad (both of whom could also let themselves in); so who was at the door? I leaned backwards to see out the window behind the couch and glanced down to the parking lot.

"There's a rental car down there that wasn't there earlier." I said to James, who was at the intercom.

"Hello?"

"Uhh.. Hi. We're looking for Irene?"

That voice... I recognized that voice! "Gustav!" I squealed happily. "Let him in, James!"

James did as he was told and I put the bowl of food on the table as I got up off the couch to go wait by the door. I wondered what Gustav was doing here, but my excitement overcame that curiosity. In a couple minutes, there was a knock at the door. James got to it before I did and opened it. Gustav nodded at him politely, then turned to me. I jumped up and hugged the drummer tightly. He hugged back just as hard.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Amanda got a hold of me and told me what happened, so we decided to come down for support."

"We?" I glanced behind Gustav and squealed again. "Georg!"

I ran over and threw my arms around him, too. The bassist's strong arms picked me right up off the ground. I laughed, but then let out a slight warning.

"Don't squeeze too hard, now." I muttered as Georg put me down.

He glanced at my stomach and mumbled a sorry. James, obviously sensing some tension in the room, shut the door and went down the hallway to his bedroom. After I knew for sure he was gone, I turned to Georg.

"Are you mad at me for not telling, too?" I asked him quietly.

Georg closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, not at all. Pissed that I was basically the last to know, but not that you kept it a secret." He ruffled my hair reassuringly. "I can see your reasoning."

I smiled at him. "I'm glad." The smile dropped and I looked away. "At least someone can."

Georg pulled me into another hug, this one not as bone crushing. "Bill will come around, don't worry." He assured me.

Gustav nodded in agreement. I pulled away and shook my head, going back towards the living room and gesturing to the guys to say that they should follow. "It's been two months. If he wanted to forgive me, he probably would have done it by now." I sat down on the couch and buried my head in my hands. "But I can't blame him. In his position, I'd feel the same way."

"Everything will be fine." Gustav said. "It's why we're here! We figure if he'll give up if there's us, Tom, and Amanda all bugging him."

"He can't stay mad forever." Georg added.

"I hope not." I murmured.

An awkward silence filled the living room for a second, then Georg plopped down beside me and grinned. "So can you tell me about the babies, considering I know nothing about them?"

I smiled and nodded. My hands found their now-familiar spots on my stomach, with one hand on the left side, and the other moving from the top right side, to the bottom right side. "Two boys and a girl. The boys are on the top and the girl is under them, in her own sac, so she'll probably look different than the boys."

"Thought of names yet?" The bassist asked.

I shook my head. "I don't think I'll think of names until the very end. Hopefully, Bill will have forgiven me by then."

"Hey." James came out from his room, cell phone in hand. "Dad just called to remind you of your ultrasound appointment. It's in twenty minutes."

"Shit, I forgot about it." I said with a sigh, then glanced at Gustav. "You guys want to take me?"

"Sure!" Gustav said enthusiastically.

James muttered something indecipherable in Spanish and went back into his room, slamming the door behind him. At the Gs' questioning looks, I just shrugged my shoulders and explained the protectiveness James had over me. I told them it was so bad that he would never let anyone else take me to my doctor appointments.

"And he probably doesn't want to let you guys take me," I said as we walked out of the apartment. "But he will because he knows I want it. And anyway, he'll probably call his father afterwards and ask about the appointment."

"Is his father your doctor?" Gustav asked when we were in the car.

"Yeah. I don't trust any other doctors around here."

The rest of the ten-minute car ride had Georg talking about anything he could. It was nice that he tried to fill the awkward silence, but he was also getting annoying by the time we got to Catcher's office, so I was glad to get out of the car. All three of us went inside and the receptionist immediately pointed me into the exam room without looking up. I quirked an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. She was usually nice. I shrugged it off and went to the exam room- everyone was entitled to their bad days.

Doctor Catcher was already in the room. He glanced at Georg and Gustav and I introduced them all to each other. Catcher, about as sociable as his son, just nodded at the Gs and told me to get up on the table. We went through the familiar procedure and Catcher muttered lowly to himself, as he usually did, but then he suddenly froze and his muttering stopped.

"What?" I asked, panic rising up inside me.

Catcher peeked at me out of the corner of his eye, continued the ultrasound without comment for a few seconds, then stopped again. He cleaned up, then turned to me and solemnly spoke.

"I can only hear two heartbeats."

He said it in such a low voice that I almost missed it and very much wished that I had. My hands gripped the paper under me and I shook my head. It wasn't true, it couldn't be. I had done everything I was supposed to; taken all my medicines, little physical labor, no drinking, and I made James smoke outside. _It just wasn't possible._

"There is a possibility that the heartbeats of the twin boys are overpowering the girl's, as they are on top of her and seem to be quite big," He gave my a sympathetic pat on the leg, "However, because of the position the babies are in, there is no way of knowing what's going on with her until the birth. Not this far into the pregnancy, anyway."

"I might have to deliver a dead baby?" I whispered. Georg clutched my hand tightly and Gustav stayed off in the corner, eerily silent.

"You might." He confirmed. "I'm sorry."

I couldn't move. I felt just as dumbstruck as I did when I first found out I was pregnant. My girl... my precious girl, might be dead. I whimpered and Georg gathered me up into a hug.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no.." I mumbled against his shoulder, my tears soaking his tee-shirt.

He tried to sooth me, but it didn't work. I could feel a numbness spreading through my body. I didn't want to move, so Georg scooped me up in his arms bridal-style. My small frame before the pregnancy had ensured that I was still fairly light, even while I was so pregnant. He carried me out to the car, and Gustav followed silently after us.

On the ride back, Georg stayed in the backseat with me. My head was on his shoulder and my brain barely registered anything around me, except Georg's hand that was rubbing up and down my arm in a calming motion. We got back to the apartment and I was helped out of the car. Gustav didn't get out and he told Georg he was going to see the twins, then drove off. I kind of noticed that he had been driving too fast, but I didn't have enough emotion to care. Georg gently tugged me in the direction of the building and got me up the stairs and into the apartment. James was in the kitchen, cooking, and when he saw me, he immediately dropped the spatula.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked, terror in his voice.

"Tell me where her room is. I'll get her into bed, then I'll tell you."

James nodded and said where my room was. I closed my eyes for a bit longer than a standard blink and next thing I knew, I was in my bed, alone. I stared at the ceiling, completely still and silent, until a certain song wormed it's way into my head. My mouth seemed to open on it's own as the lyrics came out.

G_omen ne, ato sukoshi anata no namae to nemurasete._

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

_**Gustav's POV**_

__I entered the twins' house silently, but I could tell Tom had already sensed the danger when he opened the door for me. Even Georg had noticed that this wasn't my usual silence. I was pissed, and it was obvious.

"Where's Bill?" I asked in a level voice.

Tom pointed in the direction of their home studio. I nodded a thanks and went that way. Before I even turned the corner, I could tell Amanda was in there; her voice travelled down the hallway clearly.

"Listen, Kaulitz, you're being a fucking idiot and you're abandoning your future children. Do you really want them to grow up without a fucking father just because you're pissed at their mommy for not telling you when she was really just afraid you might react badly? You know, kind of like you're doing right now?"

I turned the corner and peered in the doorway. Bill was sitting inside the sound-booth, staring at the ceiling. Amanda was leaning over the table that was set up in there, very close to Bill's face as she continued to speak.

"Well, that sounds just about right doesn't it?" She said sarcastically, "so when they're older, who the fuck do you think the kids are going to side with, hmm? Certainly not the jerk who abandoned his girlfriend _and_ three kids." Here, Amanda sighed and flexed her fingers so she wasn't gripping the table so hard. "Look, you have every right to be scared, Irene is too, but forcing her out of your home and out of your life isn't the way to go about this. You know she cant handle it without you, and I honestly didn't think you were the kind of guy that was going to try and make her, but if that's what you want to do, then fine. Just try not to feel too left out when me, Tom, the Gs, and everyone else are chatting excitedly about _your _children."

Amanda, despite her calm voice, pushed the papers off the table and swept out of the room. She nodded to me on the way by, apparently not at all shocked to see me. She disappeared down the hallway and I watched Bill clean up the papers. When he was done, he noticed me in the doorway and rolled his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice dark.

I shrugged one shoulder. "I was here to tell you off, but I see Amanda has done enough of it for me."

"Then why are you still here?" Bill muttered, leaning against the table.

"To tell you that Irene went for an ultrasound today..."

"So?" Bill said before I could finish, but I barely paused in my words.

"And the doctor could only hear two heartbeats."

The sentence got the reaction I wanted; Bill stopped inspecting his nails and stared at me, his mouth open slightly. He didn't say anything for a second, then stuttered out a "really?" I nodded and watched as seemingly went from shocked back to uncaring, but I heard the tremble in his voice when he said, "How is that my problem?"

Even though I knew he was shaking on the inside, I could help but ask, "Really, Bill? You honestly don't care that your girlfriend could be carrying a dead baby inside her?"

He turned away and started straightening out the papers. He did this so he wouldn't have to look at me, which was a sign that he was about to lie. "Nope."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Who are you?"

"I'm Bill."

"No, you're not. You're something that L.A has molded in order to make you fit into it's lifestyle, but you're not Bill; Not the one I know, anyway. The Bill I know wouldn't have kicked the girl he loves out of his house for something so stupid as this; the Bill I know would have seethed about it for a few days, then start rubbing his girlfriend's tummy and excitedly pick out endless combinations of names. Living here has changed you, Bill, and not in a good way." When Bill didn't say anything, I continued, "I'm going to ask Irene to come back to Germany with me."

"Why?" Bill asked. His face was impassive and it was impossible for me to see that he was thinking.

"Because Dawna is close to waking up, and I want her to be there when she does. Besides, this city doesn't need to corrupt your children, too."

Bill said nothing, so I just left him and went back out to the living room, where Amanda and Tom were. I told them what had happened at the ultrasound and they were instantly out the door and on their way to the apartment with me. We went inside to find Georg and James huddled around Irene's door, listening.

"She locked herself in." James said. "There's nothing dangerous in there, but she keeps singing the same song over and over again."

They moved out of the way and Amanda and I took their place, putting our ears to the door and listening.

_usure naide anata yo wazuka na toiki de kiitete hoshii__  
__chiisana kodou no oto ne ni kasure nu inori yo todoke__  
__yobenu namae wo daite yubiori kazoeru asu wa kienai__  
__mimi wo fusagi kiiteta yurikago yureru oto___

_torimodose nu haru ni guren no hana ga saku_

Amanda placed her forehead on the door and sighed. "It's _Guren, _or _Crimson-colored Lotus. _It's by a Japanese band called _The GazettE._ The song is pretty much about miscarriage."

After Amanda told us what the song was about, we left Irene alone and went into the living room. We talked about Bill, but nobody could decide what to do there, so I voiced my idea of bringing Irene back to Germany with me. Surprisingly, everyone thought it was a decent idea, even James especially when I mentioned that Doctor Duran had mentioned that Dawna could wake up at any time now. However, we decided that we would sleep on it and make a formal decision in a couple days. Amanda and Tom went back to the twins' house and Georg and I were offered the empty beds in the apartment.

This way going to be a long couple days.

(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)(~)

_**A/N: So yeah, that chapter ending sucked. But it's three in the morning, so I decided to (*cough*wasforcedto*cough*) just get the chapter finished. If you don't speak Japanese, the words Irene sang before Gustav's POV was **__"__I'm sorry, just a little while more, let me sleep by your name," __**and what she sang at the end of the chapter was:**_

_Please don't fade away  
I want to hear the tiny sigh  
In the sound of the small heartbeat  
Please let the ungrazed prayer reach you  
Embracing the name which I cannot call out  
Counting on my fingers, tomorrow won't disappear  
I heard with blocked ears  
The sound of a broken cradle_

The spring time will never come again, the crimson lotus is in bloom 

_**My Japanese is at the same level as my German, so a few things could be wrong, but it's got the point I wanted to make with the song covered. Anyway, review please! :)**_

_**~Rina**_


End file.
